It’s Narcissist Friday!
Sick today. Thought you might enjoy a short talk by Sam Vaknin that explains why narcissists are clustered in certain professions. Note that the second profession he mentions is clergy. If the video doesn’t pop up, here’s the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BX-oPQHyyhY&feature=related
I would be interested in your thoughts…
Filed under Uncategorized
Didn’t I say that before? Well, actually, no. But I want to show clearly that what most of us call the conscience is just the old religious flesh system at work. It has the answers for us.
Should you go into that bar with your friend? For some people the answer is pre-programmed. If they even begin to think about going into the bar, they hear sirens and see red flags. Their “little voice of law” reminds them that bars are bad and that they will become bad by going into one. No real Christian would even consider such a thing. That’s what their conscience says.
I went through this several years ago when a pastor (!) friend suggested that we could get a great burger at a certain bar in the big city. Well, I confess that I not only went but I truly enjoyed the burger. We didn’t drink or smoke or flirt or whatever else bad is supposed to happen in a bar. We just ate great hamburgers.
How could I do such a thing? Well, I reasoned that I didn’t want to offend my friend by suggesting that he was less spiritual than I and probably no one would see me and we were just going for hamburgers and it wasn’t my idea and … and… Do you see what happened? I was able to reason away, to compromise, my conscience.
The Scripture says that whatever is not of faith is sin. (Romans 14:23) Well, I didn’t go into that bar by faith. I fought my conscience and was eventually able to circumvent it. Nothing bad happened, so it must have been the right decision, right? If I had choked on my burger, I suppose I would have known right away that I was being judged for going into the bar.
This is the kind of battle we fight with that “little voice of law” in our heads. How much different would it have been if I had simply asked the Lord, as I would now? If I asked and He gave me the freedom to go in, I would do it in faith. If He made it clear that I should not, for some reason, I could refuse without worrying about my friend because I would simply trust the Lord. I could still disobey, but at least then I would know that I was disobeying. If there were negative consequences, I would know that the Lord, in His love, was trying to help protect me.
Now, I hope you understand. I am not saying that there is anything wrong with going into a bar. I am saying that, at one time, my conscience (designed by my religious flesh system) told me there was something wrong. Nor am I saying that it was right for me to go into that bar or to go into any bar. I am saying that I didn’t even bother to ask the Lord.
The Lord is your Guide. He is ready to lead you. Go to Him and trust Him to lead.
Filed under Freedom, Legalism, Relationship
One of my favorite stories is about the missionaries who went to Europe and were shocked to see believers drinking wine and beer. Knowing that all consumption of alcohol was sin, these missionaries couldn’t connect with their brothers and sisters in Europe. However, they noticed that the believers there often looked at them and made comments under their breath. When the truth was finally revealed, the European believers were scandalized that the Americans went shopping on Sunday. (I suppose they eventually compromised and determined that they could fellowship as long as no one drank alcohol at the mall on Sunday.)
You see, this is what happens when we try to live under a religious flesh system. Whose system do we use? How specific should we get? How do we relate to those who do not share our system? The Church has spent a great amount of its energy fighting these battles. The only thing that happens is that our religious flesh system becomes more a part of us as we justify it in relationship with others.
We were never supposed to follow a system. The systems, whether religious or not, are part of the broken world. We are called to a relationship with the One who will lead us personally. Yes, He has given us His Word, wonderful information to help us through our days, but even His Word was never supposed to be taken apart from Him. He spoke to us as our Friend, our Father, our Redeemer, our Lover, our King—but never outside of a relationship.
He loves you and He wants you to come to Him. Ask Him His will. Tell Him your concerns. Listen for Him to respond to you in love.
Questions? Thoughts?
Filed under Freedom, grace, Legalism, Relationship
After yesterday’s post, I thought I should write something on what I mean by the “religious flesh system.” I have written on the “flesh system” before but it may be helpful to address it again.
The reason I use the term “flesh system” is because using “flesh” alone is confusing for people. We have been taught to equate “flesh” with “body.” That isn’t correct in many verses of Scripture. Instead, the Greek word, “sarx,” often suggests something more than just physical flesh. When Paul says that he no longer has “confidence in the flesh,” in Phil. 3:3, he is referring to the religious system he created for himself through what he learned about and how he interpreted the Law.
We each grew up building a flesh system to guide us through life. Certain things work and others do not, according to what we have learned or experienced. When religion came into our lives, our flesh system was restructured according to someone’s ideas on law and behavior. Of course the Scripture was used, at least for Christians, but it was still someone’s interpretation of the Word. It may even have been our own interpretation. That molded our flesh system so that we could think of ourselves as spiritually guided.
So we learned what we were supposed to do and what we were not supposed to do. We learned what gave us spiritual points and what cost us spiritual points. And we learned that all of this was from God. We became convinced that this was the system He would use to judge us. Almost any church we went to supported the system. Try harder, work smarter, do more. Stay away from evil. Then, if you are good enough at the end, God will accept you. It all made sense and fit into the system.
Of course, the religious flesh system leads people away from Jesus. Jesus is just the One who paid to make the system work. We needed what He did, but we didn’t need Him. We just needed to “pick and choose” the right rules to follow. (Oh, that’s right—we didn’t need the whole Law, just the parts that made us feel spiritual.) That way we could feel good about ourselves.
Except that it didn’t work. Those who live under the religious flesh system can never find assurance or acceptance. Those aren’t part of the system.
But isn’t that just an excuse to let people do whatever they want without regard for the voice of the Holy Spirit?
This is the question we will get when we tell people to ignore their conscience. The religious flesh system counts on the “little voice of law” to keep people’s behavior in control. By equating the voice of the Holy Spirit and the conscience, they rob people of relationship and pull them back to the law. They also force people into a great deal of confusion. They provide lists of sinful actions and thoughts and then trust that people will remind themselves the next time something on the list brings temptation.
But there is no victory in that. Victory is found in relationship. We don’t need more of ourselves and lists don’t set us free. We need Someone else. The Holy Spirit is given to us to connect us forever to our Lord. Through Him we receive guidance and victory.
So the answer to the question above is an emphatic, “NO!” By teaching people to ignore their conscience we set them free to listen to the Lord. Weaning them from the flesh, which desires only to bring them back under law, is an act of love and empowerment.
We are not suggesting that people go out and do whatever they want. We are suggesting that they follow the Lord. Using the conscience, the tool designed by the flesh and the Law, to guide your actions is doing whatever you want. It may not feel like it, but you designed your conscience. That’s why it is no better guide than your unconverted judgment. Instead, we call people to look outside, to the Lord who is wise and good, for guidance.
Your thoughts?
Filed under Uncategorized
I want to relate a story I have been hearing lately and I won’t be able to give many details because the story is both true and current.
Sometimes the narcissist is a pastor.
Pastors, company CEO’s, coaches, politicians, community leaders—these are all positions that draw narcissists because of the power and the attention. For most of these positions a certain amount of autonomy is allowed; the leader gets to choose his projects and activities. A narcissist will believe that these positions will show everyone his superiority and allow him to keep the attention on his image.
The following is a current, but classic, story.
First Church needed a pastor. Pastor X left after many years of building up a strong and influential congregation. His staff stayed with the church and things were running well. The leaders of the church believed that the congregation could become something special. They visualized a church that made a difference in the community, the denomination, and in the world. They looked for a man who could lead them into that future.
When Pastor A met with the leaders of the church, they were impressed. He was full of ideas and enthusiasm and he presented himself very well, both professionally and personally. It was easy to look past the struggles he had in his last church because that church didn’t have either the potential or the staff of First Church. The denomination had to come to the former church to help work things out after Pastor A left, but that only proved that the problems were not connected to Pastor A.
When First Church hired Pastor A, he was seen as God’s leader for the future of the church. He was so personable in the pulpit. He looked people in the eye and spoke to them as a leader should. When he met people, he shook their hands, patted them on the back, and made them feel like he really cared. At the same time, he had a vision for the future and plans to get there.
For the first year, Pastor A used sermons he had preached at his former church. That was understandable because he had so much to do to get to know the people and the community, and to fix a variety of problems at First Church. There were more problems, “bottle-necks” and “roadblocks,” than anyone realized. The leadership was sorry to see some of the older programs go, but it was necessary for progress. Yes, Pastor X visited people in the hospital, but now that was the job of the elders. Yes, Pastor X attended a variety of leadership meetings, but now those meetings were handled by the staff. Pastor A was a busy man.
It was more troubling to see faithful staff members exposed as incompetent or standing in the way of growth. When Betty was let go after fifteen years as the church secretary, most of the people understood. She did talk with people on the phone and she did move more slowly than she used to. Betty was replaced by a very professional (and attractive) younger lady whose primary job seemed to be to keep people away from Pastor A. The new secretary had the authority to handle almost any question people brought for the pastor.
The youth pastor left abruptly, but that made sense. The youth group wasn’t growing. Pastor A felt that the reason some families had left the church was because the youth program had stagnated. Other staff members left, most without saying anything about their reasons or even saying goodbye to the congregation. Several of the new staff members were people who had worked with Pastor A before.
But First Church was an exciting place to be. Denominational officials filled the pulpit and inspired the congregation. Other pastors from large churches around the country were invited to speak. Even community leaders, people Pastor A met as he connected more and more with community leadership, came to share with the congregation. Pastor A was always on the podium with these leaders, always treated with respect by them. First Church was moving up.
The budget problems were a little troubling. The surplus that had been garnered from the time between pastors was dwindling. Pastor A deserved a larger salary than Pastor X, of course, but the staff would have to bear some of the burden. After all, Pastor A was doing a lot of their work for them. It was always a struggle for a growing church to find staff capable of leading on their own. Even the long-term associate pastor was causing trouble. He and Pastor A seemed to be on different sides. It became obvious to the leaders that a serious change would have to be made soon.
But it was hard for the leaders to get together with Pastor A to discuss the situation, or anything for that matter. He was always out of his office and the new secretary covered for him. He attended a lot of out of town meetings, spoke at conferences, spent time at community events, and had special times for reflection and devotion by himself. Pastor A was a busy man. Everyone could see that. First Church was blessed to have him as their pastor.
********
Now, I am going to stop there. This story goes on, of course. But what are the clues here that Pastor A is a narcissist?
I invite your comments and thoughts.
Filed under Church, Narcissism
When the conscience became a tool of the Law everything turned toward the things of the Law. Rules, standards, things to avoid—these became the focus of religious (Law-centered) life. Good was obeying. Evil was disobeying. People still made choices, but they made choices with a new perspective.
But here’s the problem: the conscience was still broken. The conscience, even under the Law, could not discern right from wrong. So David wrote:
Who can understand his errors? Cleanse me from secret faults. Psalm 19:12
And the author of Proverbs called his readers to wisdom, to go past the voice of the conscience to the voice of God:
Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6
So, even before the cross, the people of God were to be aware of the brokenness of their conscience. They were to seek the word of the Lord. Their own understanding, that which the flesh system had built in them, was insufficient and deceptive. They would not be able to depend on it for truth. They needed the voice of the Lord.
When Christ came to us and we were saved and His life became ours, two things happened in relation to the conscience. First, the reality of our situation changed. We no longer were under condemnation of any kind and the Holy Spirit was resident within us. All our sins—past, present, and future—were washed away in the blood of Jesus. We were set free from the domination of sin forever.
But our conscience doesn’t understand that. I ask people all the time to tell me how much sin is on their accounts with God. I get all kinds of answers. Some say lots; others say only what has not been confessed; some understand that there is no sin on their accounts because it has all been dealt with on the cross. But the reality of that truth does not come from our flesh. Our flesh is still the same old system it always was. It still sees life the way it used to.
Our flesh is a system with which we are very familiar. We grew up with it. We put it together over years and through many experiences. It is very difficult for us to leave it behind. Much of the perspective offered by our flesh still makes sense to us. Our conscience is still active and still messed up. It still misleads us and it still condemns us.
John wrote:
For if our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and knows all things. Beloved, if our heart does not condemn us, we have confidence toward God. 1 John 3:20-21
In other words, if your conscience condemns you, find the truth in the Lord. He knows and He tells you that there is no condemnation (Romans 8:1). If your conscience does not condemn you, give thanks that you are beginning to walk in the Spirit. Either way, your focus should be on the Lord.
and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7
Filed under grace, heart, Legalism, Uncategorized
It would be difficult to determine what the conscience was like before the Law. The Scriptures tell of a law written on the heart (Rom 2:15), which may be a reference to the general knowledge of good and evil all people carry whether they know of the Law or not. Even if this “law in the heart” can be ignored or deceived, it is still present in some way.
But when the Law was given to Israel and, through Israel, disseminated to the world, a framework or definition was given to the conscience. Now God was in the equation and things like holiness and righteousness were presented to the conscience. Suddenly, those confronted with the Law found an expression for the general shame they felt. They had sinned.
I realize that some will think that it is strange to refer to the conscience as an almost independent force in our lives, while denying that the conscience is the same as the Holy Spirit. But the conscience is an arm of the flesh and the flesh feels and acts almost foreign to the believer. The unbeliever doesn’t feel this in the same way, but still hears the “voice” in a way that seems separate from himself. So the conscience became an accuser against those who discovered the Law.
All things work together for good, right? God used the conscience in the lives of many unbelievers to draw them to Him. The Holy Spirit spoke truth into their lives and the conscience spoke condemnation. Why did the conscience speak condemnation, especially when it was supposed to serve the flesh? Isn’t the flesh set against the Spirit? Wouldn’t the flesh draw a person to evil? Why would God use the conscience?
Under the Law the conscience found the reason for its struggle. It was never the purpose of the conscience to draw us to evil. The conscience was broken by sin and could not truly discern good and evil. Decisions were made on the basis of faulty knowledge and perspectives. We lived under a tension that would not go away. When the conscience was exposed to the Law, things began to make sense.
Now, remember that the Holy Spirit is very active on behalf of unbelievers. He convicts them, the Scripture says. That suggests that He moves them in the direction their conscience is pushing them and makes them ready for the way of salvation. One example is when David disobeyed God. Notice what the text says:
And David’s heart condemned him after he had numbered the people. So David said to the LORD, “I have sinned greatly in what I have done; but now, I pray, O LORD, take away the iniquity of Your servant, for I have done very foolishly.” 2 Samuel 24:10
Notice that David’s conscience (heart) condemned him. But David knew the Lord and the Holy Spirit was active in his life, so David went directly to the One who could and would forgive. With the condemnation was the salvation, praise the Lord.
But the conscience became a tool of the Law for those who had the Law.
Filed under heart, Legalism, Relationship
Many believers were taught that their conscience was actually the voice of the Holy Spirit. When they feel caution about an activity, they believe they are hearing the Spirit’s concern about that activity. The Holy Spirit does speak to those who will listen. And, I believe, He speaks to us in our hearts with nudges and cautions. But there are some concerns with thinking that the Holy Spirit is the new conscience of the believer.
First, the flesh did not die on the cross. The old man died. I have taught about the difference between the old man and the flesh in another place. The flesh continues to be active in our lives and we must learn to trust the Spirit rather than the flesh. Because the conscience is part of the flesh system we learned through our lives and through the input of others, it did not go away when we were saved. It continues to try to guide us and show us the difference between right and wrong.
Second, the flesh system is set against the Spirit. The flesh was formed and nurtured in sin and the perspective of the conscience is based on both attraction to evil and personal condemnation. Paul constantly calls us to walk according to the Spirit rather than the flesh. The flesh deceives us because it is based on the lies presented through sin. The conscience deceives us in the same way.
You know what I mean. Some people seem to have no conscience. Anything they choose to do is acceptable in their hearts. I have heard people justify many terrible things, including murder, as though they had no sense of conscience. I have had the opportunity to visit with two murderers as they sat in jail awaiting trial. Neither of them expressed regret for what they did. There was no shame, no self-condemnation, nothing but frustration at getting caught.
Because the conscience is part of the flesh, it serves the fleshly desires of the sinner. It finds ways to excuse or redefine sin. It can be trained to ignore some things while focusing on others. When a person becomes a believer, that part of the conscience doesn’t go away. Instead, it is forced to operate within a new system. And, in that new system, it takes a new approach.
Think about this: what does the flesh want in you? It wants to go back to the way things were. So how will it do this when you have come to Christ? By keeping you from your freedom and forgiveness in Christ and pulling you back to shame, condemnation, and performance.
For the believer, the conscience will become the inner voice of condemnation. It will tell you that certain things are evil for you, while others are good. But it is still deceived and deceiving. It is still broken. It does not know what is evil, it only knows what fits its system and what does not. The new life in Christ, the freedom and victory in which we live, does not fit with the flesh system and it is rejected by the conscience. The old life of performance and striving does fit with the flesh system, so the conscience will try to draw us back.
The believer cannot trust his or her conscience. We are to look to the Spirit for guidance. The source of information we need is not of us. The Lord will tell us what is right and what is wrong—and sometimes what He says is unexpected.
Thoughts? Are you totally confused? Questions?
Filed under heart, Legalism, Relationship
We were taught that our conscience would show us the difference between right and wrong. We learned that our conscience would show us what we did wrong. (There’s often a difference between what we were taught and what we learned.) Our conscience became our condemning judge. Unless we learned to ignore it or deceive it, we grew up being shamed by our own thinking.
The conscience is simply our awareness of moral or spiritual condition. The Greek word (syneidesis) means to “see the same”. It is the idea of awareness, reflection, or even consciousness. Theoretically, my conscience should allow me to see things as they are. If something is wrong, my conscience should tell me. If something is acceptable for me, my conscience should tell me that.
But it doesn’t work that way. Instead of the simple knowledge of good and evil our ancestors thought they would pass on to us, they actually gave us a memory system that imprinted patterns on our soul. This system, which the Scripture calls the “flesh,” accumulates experiences and information and forms response patterns based on what it has learned. The flesh is the self-protection system we learned to deal with life apart from the Lord.
The conscience is part of the flesh. The conscience is what you and I learned for the purpose of determining right and wrong. We learned from our parents, from the rest of the world’s influence, and from our own experiences. When we did one thing and a subsequent bad thing happened, we connected the two and learned not to do the first thing. When we tried something else and received positive results, we learned that the new activity would bring pleasure.
But there is a problem! We are not wise enough to understand the indirect connections and sin is an active force in deceiving us. For example, many people took up smoking because of the positives. They found acceptance in a smoking community, a relaxing activity, and a short-term health benefit in the weight loss. They did not understand the long-term negative health consequences and there was a force at work to keep the knowledge of those consequences from them. Even today, when the positives of smoking are rarely uttered and the negatives get all the publicity, smokers remain convinced of the positives.
Of course, there are all kinds of examples. You see, the flesh reflects the brokenness of our world. We lack wisdom and we lack both the desire and the ability to do good consistently. Our conscience has been formed in a laboratory of evil and compromise. Like everything else in our lives and in this world, the conscience is broken through sin.
Thoughts?
