It’s Narcissist Friday!
Of course they do! It is often tempting to portray narcissists as evil villains who prey on innocent victims. Sometimes that’s an accurate portrayal, as some reading this will testify. But most narcissists live in a broken and painful world. They are very aware of their fear and insecurity. They just don’t want you to be aware of it.
The difference is that the narcissist handles fear and insecurity by manipulating others. Perhaps it is fair to say that this is a common trait among narcissists. Some are overt, boldly running the lives of those around them. Others are covert, preferring to manipulate from the quiet shadows. But they all manipulate.
So, yes, narcissists do cry. For the same reasons babies cry. Because they are angry, frustrated, and needy. They cry to get you to do something. They cry to make you think they are feeling what you want them to feel. They cry when limits are placed on their behavior or when their secrets are in danger of exposure. Crying is a natural practice for almost everyone, given the right motivations. But don’t think that the motivations of a narcissist are the same as those of everyone else. They cry for their own reasons.
Some therapists suggest that narcissists are stuck in the emotions of infants due to some type of trauma such as abandonment or abuse. Those who have raised children may remember how easily tears could be turned off when the goal was reached by the child. In fact, many parents have suspected that crying was a form of deception, lying, for the very young. The reality is most likely simple learned behavior. If crying works, the infant will use it. So will the narcissist.
And, when the trumpet blows and the narcissist’s controlled world begins to collapse, he or she may cry tears of fear and loss. Unfortunately, the tears won’t be for the victims of the narcissist’s manipulation and abuse. The narcissist cries for himself.
Yes he does! BIG tears of hurt for himself. The narcissist in my life cried like a baby, a big ugly baby. He’d cry through words of apology, which I trusted at first. The “I promise to never do that again” statement was always a lie. But even when he did do it again, he’d say it was because of something that I had done or didn’t do that DROVE him to do it. In the end, I told him that he never really loved me for me. I explained that love is supposed to grow from immature romantic love to mature unconditional love and beyond. I told him that he was simply in love with being in love. He hated that I had my own VERY strong opinions, yet he used those opinions often disguising them as his own with others. He used me for knowledge, sex, status, and simply to feel good about himself. Without a woman, this guy is nothing. It’s sad.