Even though I tend to use words like “fight” or “argue” without negative connotation, the truth is that the more polemic (my side vs your side) the discussion becomes, the less value it has. If the discussion is causing you to hate, you need to stop. There is a more important issue for you to deal with. If you find yourself wanting the other person dead or desiring his hurt, you are hating. If you call him names without regard to whether or not those labels are right, you may be hating. If your goal is to discredit your brother, rather than to have your side of the disagreement heard, you may be very near hating. I think this is the gist of Matthew 5:22. You don’t want to hate.
Very often the evil one uses our flesh to manipulate our actions and attitudes. When you find that the current argument dredges up old feelings and thoughts, so that you feel toward your brother the same things you felt toward someone else that hurt you, you may want to step back. If the issue is important, the Lord will lead others to continue the discussion. You may have reached the point of your compromise, when you no longer will be effective. Trust that the Lord will solve the problem.
Now, read this carefully: it is the flesh that needs to win. You do not need to win this argument to honor the Lord or to protect right doctrine. If you find that you simply must win, step back. Sometimes the argument goes long past the point of fruitfulness. When both sides have presented their views and there is no place for agreement, then it is over. Sell the building and split the proceeds, agree to minister in different places and with different groups, let your opposing books do their work—but end it. Find the way to let it go. Letting it go is not compromise. It is simply acknowledging that there is no value in going further.
What about all those mean things the others said about you or did to you? Well, forgive them. Forgiving them does not mean that you think they were right. In fact, forgiveness means you think they were wrong, but you choose to give the offense over to the Lord. Forgiveness is a good thing. You will feel better and be more effective in future ministry when you find the way to it.
Some arguments don’t end with a happy solution. That’s okay. The day of truth is coming when you will know who was right and who was wrong . . . and in that day it won’t matter.