Here’s another interesting video on narcissism. Notice the strong statements from people who are trying to be nice…
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The one statement that stood out to me (and was actually brushed off) was when the gentleman said “run” when talking about being married to a narcissist. Why is that always the answer when you are in an uncomfortable situation?
Probably because the world at large, and a lot of Christians, don’t trust God for change and redemption.
I use a portion of this video when I teach about narcissism to counselors. That particular part, when the two therapists agree that the person should run and Katie Couric appears to be shocked is something I want people to see. It tells me that these counselors know what they are talking about. Narcissists can be pretty nasty.
I never counsel a person to get a divorce. There are ways to cope with almost anything. But living in relationship with a narcissist can drive a person to kill or to die. This is not something to be taken lightly. If you know someone in relationship with a narcissist, watch her and reach out to her.
If the relationship is not a marriage yet, running might be the best advice you can give. If the person is married and decides that the only way to survive is to get out, be understanding. Divorce is a terrible thing, but suicide and murder are worse. I honestly believe that some of the moms who murder their children are in relationships with narcissists and I have first hand experience with a narcissist’s victim who was suicidal. Serious stuff!
I guess I never knew the seriousness of those in relationship to a narcassist. Thank you for this response.
I think 5 minutes was too short a time to address such a difficult and complex subject. Asking the question, “What do you get out of it?” loads more responsibility on the shoulders of those who are struggling in relationship w narcissistic personalities. My difficult person is my mother. I am only now at 50, figuring out there is something wrong with her; that it’s not that she’s a nice person and that I and several of my siblings and their spouses are problems who set her off. I think the psychologists’ question was unfair. I did not realize until this past year when my mother finally pulled a stunt that was so over the line and affected my children, that I could cut off relationship with her. She’s my mother. This event was so destructive that the cost of remaining in relationship was too high.
I agree that, as you said, asking the question “What do you get out of it?” loads more responsibility on the shoulders of those who are struggling in relationship with narcissistic personalities.
My mother is also my most difficult person. Like you, I did not begin to figure out what was wrong until I was in my fifties. I am now in my sixties and I have been no contact for the past three years. A very peaceful three years!
What did I get out of it? Simply that she is my mother and I kept trying to win her love. Sadly, it took most of my lifetime to realize that she does not have the capacity to love me.
I am sorry you also have had to go through life with a narcissistic mother. Thank goodness for Pastor Dave’s grace-filled site!
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