It’s Narcissist Friday!
Narcissists get under your skin. One of the ways for a counselor to determine whether a person might be the victim of a narcissist is to observe the emotional response of the person. Often, there is an almost irrational anger. Sometimes there is confusion and weakness. Sometimes there is no emotional response at all, the victim has been drained. These are all normal responses to having a narcissist under your skin.
Even counselors are warned to watch their own emotions. One of the diagnostic questions I have asked counselors is whether they feel like they could justify murdering the counselee. Those feelings, which obviously are beyond normal and productive in a counseling relationship, can arise from the frustration and bondage of working with a narcissist.
A few weeks ago I asked here if narcissists hate, if that is just normal for them. Now I want to ask if you hate. Do you find yourself hating someone and then feel guilty or confused because that emotion is not normal for you? Do you fantasize about ways that person could die and finally leave you alone? Believe it or not, these are not healthy or normal emotions. But they may be part of your relationship with the narcissist.
You see, narcissists get under your skin. They play head games. Sometimes it’s just part of the plan to keep you off balance and easier to control. Sometimes it’s an opportunity for them to get out their need for superiority or cruelty. Someone has pointed out that narcissists are usually not physically abusive. That’s because they are so good and so effective at emotional abuse.
But you have to protect you. Find a counselor who understands narcissism. Understand that your confusion or rage or emptiness might be part of your relationship with that person. Understand also that these emotional states are not normal and could even be dangerous for you. It may seem obvious that you couldn’t act on your rage, but people do and sometimes they end up in big trouble. It is getting almost common for the wife of a narcissist to bear a great burden for a long time and then break suddenly with disastrous results. Before you return to reality after doing something terrible, get some help. Please! You do have value and people do love you!
*****Note to narcissists (I know some of you are reading this): this article is not about you. Your desire to murder or get rid of someone is to serve yourself and your need for attention and achievement. Just because you see someone in your way does not mean you can justify malicious thoughts or cruel actions. But I would look over my shoulder occasionally, if I were you, because your victims may break at unpredictable times. *****