Close to my heart?


The topic of friendship is filled with emotion for most of us.  On one hand we think of people we almost couldn’t live without.  On the other we remember betrayals and pain.  Some friends are there when we really need them.  Others are there when we don’t want them.  Friendships are about hearts and hearts are complicated.

In spite of the fact that we rarely include the heart in the list of things that make up a person (spirit-soul-body), the Bible talks a lot about the heart.  In fact, the Bible speaks of it so often and so simply that it seems to assume everyone just knows what the heart is.  And maybe we do.  The philosophers and scholars can do or say what they want, but we understand that the heart is the center.  The heart is who we are. 

The heart – the core – the center.  If you take away everything on the outside from a person, what do you have left?  Change his location, his companions, his appearance, and you still have the same person because of his heart.  The heart is different from the mind, but certainly connected to it.  The heart is different from that thing in your chest that pumps blood through your system; but, just like that, removing the heart from a person takes away life. 

So, if you wanted to drain life from another person, you would want to deal with his or her heart.  If you need to control, you would want to control the heart.  And, if you wanted to destroy, you would have to destroy the heart. 

No wonder so many forces want your heart!  No wonder we are cautioned to protect our hearts!  No wonder we hide our hearts in response to betrayal or deception. 

Family has special access to our hearts.  Friends are closer to our hearts than others.  But narcissists, legalists, exploiters, and others want access to your heart.  They know that they don’t really have you unless they have your heart.  So they learn how to get in.

This week, I want to write about our hearts.  Do these thoughts prompt any questions?


Filed under heart, Legalism, Narcissism, Relationship

8 responses to “Close to my heart?

  1. Kelly

    I apparently was attracted to narcissistic people and was victimized as a wife, and friend. I don’t know what was in me that put up with it and kept falling victim again and again?

  2. Kelly

    I just watched on my friend’s facebook page, a total blowout over a legalistic situation. Unfriending was going on…snide remarks, rebukes and real ungraciousness. Why? Because my friend decided not to wear a headcovering anymore. 127 comments in 1 hour…unbelievable. Infighting between women who aren’t even friends with each other on FB. I have to say legalism ruins more relationships….all because my friend decided to have some Christian liberty SHeeeSH! Question…why do the legalists defend their position while destroying the other person???

  3. My narcissist had my heart before I realized he was a narcissist. I knew I had to get out of relationship. I did eventually but took some time. I want to know how long it will take to really and I mean really get over him. Its been 1 year now of no contact. 1 year of pure he*l without him. But I knew it was best and while I have recovered and the pain is much less intense I want to know if I will feel broken hearted over this relationship forever. When I look back on it, I see the pain that was inflicted upon me coupled with the awesome moments we shared together. I am slowly regaining my self-esteem and feeling like I did before the narc took over my senses. But I still miss him and yes sometimes want him back. He has moved on now, like I meant nothing. The pain of it all, will I ever be free?

    • I am listening to Bill O’Reilly’s book, “KIlling Lincoln” as I walk to my office. He writes about John Wilkes Booth and his affair with some poor girl named Hale. Just before killing Lincoln, Booth went to see her. She was breaking off the relationship and moving away and he asked her for a picture of herself so he could always remember her. She gave him a small picture and the book says something like, “He put the photo in his shirt pocket, next to four other photos of young ladies. The life of a narcissist is necessarily complicated.” Zing!

      He is the one in bondage to his addictions and complications. You are already free. You just have to let yourself believe it. I am sorry for the feelings of loss, but you know that you haven’t really lost anything. In fact, you are one of the lucky ones. Hold your head up and move on with your life.

      I pray for you!

      • “but you know that you haven’t really lost anything.”

        Thank you for this. Its true, I couldve lost much more, I couldve made other life impacting decisions surrounding him and I didnt. Its just that my heart got so wrapped up into him. Its sad really, because the parts of him, which I am coming to understanding is false, were really lovable. Guess thats the part of him that I loved, his false self. Which in reality doesnt exist at all. Which means I havent really lost anything.

        Thank you!

  4. wary

    I think I needed to read this tonight and I’m glad I found it. I have so many trust issues since I grew up with a narcissist sibling and codependent mother. Since I was used to being ill treated, I let my friends also turn me and everything I did into a joke. Now that I’ve moved on from all that, I have no one left in my life and have been cold to everyone new.
    I’ve even been viewing God with a rational and somewhat cynical eye, thinking that he either doesn’t care for me or doesn’t exist. Maybe I’ll try opening my heart to him first. Pray I have the strength to.

    • UnForsaken

      Wary – It really is More then O.K. to be wary! God created us to be rational, logical people, but it’s the people around us that have made us doubt this, ourselves and Him. When you begin to open your heart to Him, remember He is not like the people you know. He is gentle, He makes sense, He loves you Unconditionally, He will Never make fun of you, and He will Always be there for you.

      While discovering some of the hardest things in my life I also became cynical, but began to realize it needed to be towards people and not God. People with human imperfections – even the healthy ones I have begun to allow in my life – will always be prone to hypocricy. That started me looking at myself, who I always have known as imperfect, and realizing I could forgive and accept myself like God has forgiven and accepted! Alright, maybe I’m not describing this well, but people fail and God Won’t. Ns have cut us up badly. That makes us think that all pain will be that bad, that healthy people won’t try to understand or are perfectly understanding( one of the two), and that God is no better than us humans – all Very Untrue. Thank God!!! 🙂

      I confess I still find people puzzling and it’s an ongoing struggle to find trustworthy friends. I have even been able to let go of the idea of having a lot of friends… long as I have Him. When I am alone, I am not alone because of Him. He will never leave. And what’s crazy is that He wants that with All of us!

      Keep on being cold to people as long as you need. I will be praying for you as you seek God , for strength and Peace, for knowledge of yourself, healing, and a solid belief in your One True Friend. I believe you will be blessed as I have been. Keep on giving yourself enough space. The warmth will come and a new love for people, but it will take time and some bounderies you put in place you may wish to continue . You are headed in the right direction because opening up with people in the right way for YOU is linked to knowing yourself and your Creator better, to becoming a more whole person because of this pain.

      I think the stages of recovery are hard because – speaking for myself – I can’t see an end to them. But even when I’m backpeddling, I’m still going somewhere; I’m still learning. Now when I’ve trusted Him with something, I don’t feel it. But when I look back at it, I’ve Begun to to see Him work. There’s another stage after this, but I’m beginning to be willing to wait for it. He’s got it planned, I won’t be going backwards in my mind, and whatever He has in store is for my good. As a child of an N, I couldn’t ask for a better friend than our Heavenly Father. He wants this with you too!

      Persist, Wary! It Is worth it! 🙂

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