How to unlearn a lie

First, admit that it is a lie.  That’s not as easy as it sounds.  If your understanding has been based on a lie, it will be very difficult to see the lie unless you have found the truth.  In other words, the only way someone who believes himself to be unlovable is to learn that someone does love him.  Of course, learning a fact and believing that fact are different things.  That’s okay.  You have to know the truth first.

Once you have the truth available, even if you find it hard to believe, you can start to establish it in your heart and mind.  Begin by thanking the Lord for the truth.  Tell Him that you find it hard to believe, but thank Him for it anyway.  He understands that you want it to be true.  All your life you have felt unloved, for example, and now you hear that He loves you.  Thank Him for loving you even if you are struggling to believe it.

Then make a clear distinction in your mind between the lie and the truth.  Tell yourself that your feelings of being unloved are a lie and that the fact that God loves you is the truth.  And, when the feelings pop up, remind yourself that they are the lie and the truth is that God does love you.  Then thank Him for loving you.

Now you will want to be with people who support the truth and you will want to hear and read the truth.  Perhaps a change of churches is in order, or maybe you will want to read blogs like this one.  The lie will have its support structure in your life already.  You will begin to identify their words as part of the lie.  But the truth may not have as much support so you will want to find some.  The more the truth is supported, the easier it will be to believe it.

Don’t hesitate to put the burden on Jesus.  He wants you to know that He loves you.  Pray and ask Him to show you His love.  When the feelings of rejection come, pray and ask Him to remind you that He loves you.  Tell Him how you feel and thank Him for the truth of His love.  He will hear and answer you.


You see, the lie of rejection and unlove holds us in the most practical places of our lives.  Almost everything around us has been interpreted in favor of the lie.  People have deceived us and betrayed us.  We feel alone, even in the crowds and even among friends.  We are afraid of the pain.  We are weary of the fight.  So we have accepted the lie, resigned ourselves to it.

But it isn’t true!  Jesus does love you!  He reached out to you because of that love.  And every time you reject the lie, you will believe the truth a little more.  This is one of the most practical and prescriptive posts I have written and I do it because we are called to a new way of thinking, to believe differently about the Lord and about ourselves.

Please don’t think this is easy.  It may be simple, but not easy.  The lie is pervasive and persistent and has a great deal of support.  The truth is not forced on you like the lie is.  Love allows you to choose because love values your thoughts and identity.  The lie hates the truth and, honestly, it hates you.  But you knew that.

You may have to do this several times a day at first.  But it will get less.  And then you will be hit out of the blue with waves of the same old feelings.  Just do the same thing.  Reject the lie and thank Jesus for the truth.



Filed under Freedom, heart, Relationship

2 responses to “How to unlearn a lie

  1. SueM

    Oh, my heart almost stopped. Thank you Jesus for answering and God bless you Dave for your willingness to share this very important message. Sometimes we forget and just need the reminder.

  2. Kelly

    I have been reading your blog posts for a couple of months now. I stumbled upon your blog while searching for answers concerning a relationship with my biological brother. We just met after 40 years. I am a christian. I got saved about 25 years again and have been joyfully following Jesus since then. I have never been so confused and messed up emotionally since my brother has entered my life. I went searching online for answers and thankfully found your site. Its great to be able to read and learn about narcissists from a christian perspective rather than a world view. Your posts are all so full of hope and the love of Jesus. Thank you!

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