It’s Narcissist Friday!
“Or what king, going to make war against another king, does not sit down first and consider whether he is able with ten thousand to meet him who comes against him with twenty thousand?” Luke 14:31 (NKJV)
I have often thought (and sometimes said) that narcissists ought to be easier to handle because they are so predictable. They act and respond out of a set of chosen guidelines, usually determined by their fears. Their flesh patterns are so strong and so rigid that they do pretty much the same thing in similar circumstances.
The problem with this is obvious. Different narcissists are different and the things that trigger their fears are different. We may state that narcissists often react against a certain thing, but we may not know how an individual narcissist will react. This is one of the reasons psychology is dismissed as a science by many people, the results are not easily predictable or repeatable.
The other problem is that every human being is complex. There were many incidents that caused fear or insecurity in your narcissist’s past and he or she may react differently to current events that link with those incidents. The reasoning behind the narcissist’s actions may not make sense to you simply because you did not live his life.
However, I maintain that a certain amount of prediction can be done by those in close relationship with the narcissist, especially those who have been in long-term relationships. You know when he is lying. You know when she is building up to a rant. You know, for the most part, what his response will be to your idea. I understand why you try again and again, but you know your chances for success. You probably know many of the things that will set her off and you already avoid those things.
With that in mind, prepare yourself for the holidays. This next week or so will be a challenge, but you may already know what the challenge will be. There will be ways for you to be at peace and even have some good times, if you plan for them. Instead of thinking of the holidays as a magical time when all your dreams come true, think of them as a time with many opportunities for blessings. Instead of dreading the time, set yourself to find little sparkles of love and fun and happiness wherever they are and whenever they occur. Plan for the battle, but don’t plan to fight. Instead, see if you can find ways to slip around to grab the good.
I have written about narcissists and holidays, their fears and manipulations. You might find these posts helpful. You might not, of course, because they don’t apply to your situation. But they are offered as ideas. And you may find encouragement in the comments.
Please know that you are loved and accepted. I will be praying for many of you by name (or pseudonym) and lifting you before the Lord who consistently loves you. May you be richly blessed!