Not Narcissism

It’s Narcissist Friday!


Each Friday I write something about narcissists.  Usually it is something that will encourage those who have to deal with narcissists, either to help them understand what is happening or to help them learn ways to cope or even move on.  Because of the nature of this day on the Christian calendar, I want to take a different tack.  Let me tell you about someone as far from narcissistic as I can imagine.

He left the comfort and privilege of his life for the purpose of revealing his true heart.  Nothing of his grandeur and majesty was invented or fictitious.  He lived in the highest place and deserved the greatest honors.  No one was like him; no one greater than he.  And he left it all to come to us.

He assumed the lowest place, a common person among common people.  Vulnerable, weak, racked with limitations he had never known, he grew among those whose lives were full of struggle and need.  They did not recognize his greatness, nor did he want them to.  He did not hide, but he did not promote himself.  He came because he loved them and he wanted them to know him.

As a man, he walked among the people in the simplest of ways, demanding nothing.  He owned nothing and demanded nothing of those who were with him.  People who listened to him were impressed by his authority and gentle heart.  They knew that he understood their lives and truly cared.  He prayed for them and healed them, but he asked them not to tell others because he didn’t want attention.  He cared for the children, the outcast, the grieving, the dying, the sinful, and the broken.  He fed the hungry, touched the untouchable, and spent time with those who were rejected by others.

Although he refused to play the political and psychological games that would bring him to prominence among the people, they still flocked to him.  He could have been a great leader.  He could have held worldly position and honor, but he kept his focus on the people and their need.  In humility he ministered to each who came to him.  They had nothing to add to him, nothing he could use to make himself greater, but he loved them.

And he knew their hearts.  He knew they would use him.  He knew they came for the food and the show.  He knew that their loyalty would not last and they would turn against him.  But he did not condemn them for their fickle hearts.  He understood and loved them.

He did not curry favor with leaders or compromise his values for his safety.  Not everyone was his friend.  There were some who hated him, who feared him.  But he did not fear them or hate them in return.  He came for them, too.

Then the day came when it seemed like they all turned against him.  Those who hated him came to judge him and kill him.  And, though he could have destroyed them with a word, he permitted no one to stand against them.  He even reached out in kindness toward his captors.  He went with them willingly because he knew his time of sacrifice had come.

When they falsely accused him, he did not rightly accuse them, though he knew the truth of their lives and hearts.  When they hit him, he did not shout against them.  When they whipped him, he did not cry out vengeance on them.  When they spat on him, he did not hate them.  And when they nailed him to the cross, he forgave them.

They mocked him and taunted him as he died, but he loved them to the end.  He gave his life for those who rejected him.  He died for those who hated him.  He died as a criminal, though he had done nothing wrong.  He did not defend himself against the lies.  He died as a poor man and almost alone.  The followers and lovers had almost all abandoned him.  But he still loved them.

Then, on the third day, he rose from the dead by his own power and authority, showing the world the truth about himself.  And still they rejected him.  But still he loved them.  He offers them, even today, the life they need.  No matter what they have done against him and the others he loves, he offers to forgive them and receive them and give them life.

Today there are still those who mock him and taunt him and seek to hurt him.  They still reject him and hate him.  But he still loves them and opens his arms and his heart to them.

This is not narcissism.

This is LOVE.

Have a “good” Friday!


Filed under grace, Narcissism

8 responses to “Not Narcissism

  1. Victoria

    Thank you so much for the Good Friday narcissist message. How powerful to read your example of Jesus as a role model as a non narcissist!

    Please keep up coping with the Narcissist ministry!

    Question, why it is extremely hard to move on once you have discovered you are a victim of narcissist abuse? I know that god gives us insight to let go, for he sees the hurt we are experiencing, how do we let go? I pray all the time to god for him to erase the narc from my memory and heart. I am keep myself busy – yet ….
    Happy Easter!

    • I wrote a post a while back that dealt with this, but the title might cause someone to miss it. Here’s the link: Check it out. Basically, most people who have been abused by an N are so weary and so depressed that they just don’t have the strength to move forward. Besides that, narcissistic abuse consists of tearing down any self-esteem or personal strength the person has. You feel ashamed, stupid, used, angry, sad, and so much more. These are natural feelings after this kind of relationship.

      So I would suggest that you not worry about erasing the memory. Ask the Lord to heal the memory instead. You have been through a difficult time and you have learned a lot about life and yourself and mean people. Now take what you have learned to move forward.

      Let me know if this helps. You are welcome to write to me privately using the contact link. I am praying for you.

  2. laura

    This post nearly made me cry. Thank you for reminding me that unlike the narcissist, Jesus is always faithful, always loving, always true and as he has been he forever will be. Praise the Lord!

  3. Jane Costagliola

    Thank you. That is beautiful and so appropriate for today. May you and your family have a Blessed and Happy Easter.

  4. J

    Amazing! This did bring me to tears. Such a deep, deep love. So pure and utterly trustworthy. Thank you, Jesus.

  5. Maria

    Thank you! I am currently suffering through the realization that I fell in love with a narcissist. It was unexpected and I know in my heart- I must move on – I have tried numerous times in the last year to walk away – but I come back because of how I feel.

    Last weekend I suffered what was a very cruel narcissistic betrayal – as devasting as it was – I saw that he was also completely out of control. I really felt a huge hurt on my heart and at the same time felt repulsed by what I saw. I felt hurt deeply but was able to also see the sickness within him- I felt so sorry for him. It broke my heart on so many levels. I know I must move on and I have also realized that although I considered my mother to be co dependent – I never thought I would share in some of the characteristics – in my dealings with him. I hate manipulation – have tried my hardest – never to inflict that on my own children. They have said they truly appreciate that I never have used guilt etc to manipulate. I am far from a perfect parent – but I have tried very hard to give to give them love – compassion- friendship – counseling -and instill self confidence and love of self – etc.

    I know that right now – I was given a gift of sorts. The pain of being in love with someone who is very ill – even after they hurt you-makes you understand that those feelings were placed for me to understand that real love still remains. Last weekend I cried for myself – this weekend I cried for him. I pray that he will find Christ in his heart
    because – it is His love – that creates the world— and He can heal all suffering and illness.

    • Thanks for the great comment! I am firmly of the opinion that the victim of a narcissist cannot help the narcissist. Pray and get out – that’s all you really can do. The problem is that the narcissist does not see you as a person, particularly as a person he should respect and heed. And I have heard from so many how the N continues to manipulate through pulling heartstrings. The abuser becomes the victim too easily. Then the real victim becomes an enabler.

      I hope this doesn’t sound harsh. I simply mean to state my support of your statements and help you keep moving away. Your compassion is a part of who you are and you don’t want to lose it, but it can open the door to the narcissist. We have real trouble thinking like they do. (That’s a good thing, but it can get us into trouble.)

      To love and care, and not be misused by those who will take advantage of our hearts, that’s a challenge!

      • Maria

        Indeed …a true challenge…that is an enigma difficult to comprehend…why we are confronted with ….so much love … and know that they are incapable to choose wisely ….because they have been hurt to such an extent that their brains changed …and took away their ability to understand the very essence of our human soul…

        We are also taught not to leave one another and prove our love by standing in support of our loved one. However – when It comes to this mind – our love for them is provén by walking away and not permitting them to use us for their twisted life style. I also have to agree getting out leaves us kind of finding our balance again. If you enter this world for even a moment – where up is down and normal is out of control …you consider the reasons for first coming upon it….and drawn to it’s bizarre perspective …you walk away utterly shocked feeling that you just escaped ….from the grip of bitter self imposed….annihilation…. thank you for the words of wisdom….they were given to me to know that this was just another stone upon my path to understand my journeys purpose …thank you for hearing and helping …God Bless you…

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