Demonic?

It’s Narcissist Friday!

 

I have been asked what I think of narcissism in connection with demons and evil spirits and I remember the Bob Newhart counseling routine where he says, “Oh, no no, we don’t go there.” 

Over the years some Christian groups have simply ignored the demonic influences while others have focused on them.  Sometimes people are particularly loyal to their perspective or the perspective of their church.  Basically that means that whatever I say can get me into trouble.  No wonder Shakespeare said that “the better part of valor is discretion.” 

On the other hand, this idea that narcissism could be demonic deserves some consideration.  After all, many have experienced the highest grade of evil from narcissists.  They are unpredictable, uncontrollable, and almost completely without regard for others.  At least that’s what some have experienced.  And narcissists seem to be unable to control their cruelty.  Something drives them.  Something haunts them.  Perhaps an evil spirit moves in them.

So here’s what I think.  I believe in the demonic realm as taught by the Scriptures.  Demons are real and active.  They are, however, a part of reality that lies in mystery and discussions about them often cause more heat than light.  I have rarely found it to be helpful to think about them.  I also think it is usually unnecessary.

It seems clear that there are times in our lives when evil is particularly active.  We are told that Satan “prowls like a roaring lion seeking someone to devour.”  In times of intense negative emotion, evil often slips out of the shadows to offer its opinions and aid.  We understand this enough to realize that intense grief or fear or anxiety can be reasonable excuses for bad behavior and decisions.  Evil, which is always available, can be a choice when our clear thinking is challenged.

Now, when decisions are made about life and the way things work, evil can become a fixture in our hearts.  Sometimes this can happen when we are very young.  I happen to think it is evil for us to think of ourselves as worthless or stupid, for example.  Those thoughts come out of painful times, often repeated, and are evidence of incorrect decisions influenced by evil.  The narcissist chose a way of response to life and relationship that explained his pain and allowed him a strange sort of strength in the battle.  The fact that the choice was evil may not have occurred to him; but, if it had, he may not have cared.  To him it was and it is necessary.  This is how he must handle life.

So is that demonic?  Certainly.  Is that evidence of the presence of a demon in the narcissist’s life?  Probably not.  I think it is quite possible, even easy, to partake of the realm of the demonic without being possessed.  Demon possession appears to me to be almost always associated with occult worship of some kind, formal or informal.  But evil is often personified in Scripture and has a personal influence in our lives.  Evil is real and active. 

I believe that narcissism is evil.  It is a lie.  The narcissist believes that he must protect himself from everyone and he has allowed himself to become cruel and uncaring in his relationships.  He uses and abuses and discards the very people who would give him the love he so desperately needs.  He looks for affirmation with the passion of an addict, but cannot accept the affirmation of those who care for him.  He fails to see the value and validity of others and cares nothing for them.  He is consumed with himself and his own concerns.  All of this is evil.

It may be that a demon-possessed person would exhibit narcissistic characteristics and that those characteristics would go away if the demon were cast out.  That is certainly possible.  Yet, I would consider this to be the odd case.  It may seem blunt and discouraging, but it seems to me that almost all narcissists are such by choice.  It may have been a foolish and evil choice made long ago in a time of despair or fear, but it was still a choice and it continues to be a choice.  When faced with options for help, most narcissists will choose their addiction.  They are hooked on the image they have created.  They must protect and support it.  It hides them.

Would I pray for a narcissist to be released from the influence of a demonic spirit?  Sure.  Why not?  I would pray believing that Jesus is stronger than any demon and that He loves the person for whom I am praying.  I would not hesitate to utter such a prayer.  Yet, I would not expect a deliverance.  That is not a lack of faith, but an understanding that most evil is chosen, rather than imposed. 

Those who read this blog know that I have always maintained that the narcissist is accountable for his actions.  He may have been a victim of many things, but he has made a choice.  His mother did not drive him to his cruelty, nor did the devil make him do it. 

48 Comments

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48 responses to “Demonic?

  1. melissa

    This is very thought provoking. I was always under the impression that a Narcissist act the way they do because they don’t know any other way. That’s how he or she was raised (with another Narcissist) and truly don’t know or understand their actions and reactions aren’t normal or rational. But your words (which I love, by the way) that…”evil is chosen rather than imposed,” indicates that perhaps the Narcissist knows they are wrong but choose to act they way they do anyway? I’ve never thought about evil ways being chosen. Thanks so much for your wisdom.

  2. Penny

    This post has so many excellent truths: Narcissism is a lie, it is evil, the N is accountable, the N has made a choice, while not demonic some have chosen to be a “willing vessel” for evil, for the enemy…but Jesus is still stronger. If the N can choose evil, they can also choose Jesus. They can choose to be a willing vessel for Him. Yet Jesus remains ever the gentleman, and will not force them to. Wow. Such truth–thanks, Dave, for such scriptural wisdom.

  3. I think you nailed it. They are influenced by evil, but they chose that path. I’ve seen too many believers fearful of demons around every corner to the point that they begin to discount man’s sin nature. In the case of the narcissist, the sinful man or woman has chosen the path of sin.

  4. Fellow Survivor

    I would say what we/I have been through is a lack of love which is another way to say evil. The fruits of the Spirit are lacking. Paul outlines what Love is splendidly. Those two passages sum up what is missing in the N life. They were only loved “conditionally” so that is the only way they know how to love. And yes, they choose to behave the way they do. In my case my ex N wife begged and pleaded with me not to let her become like her N dad. So she knew the damage it does to individuals, but in the end, she CHOSE his path because that is where the money is.

  5. Sunflower

    We are not to give place (ground) to the devil. That is a choice as well, giving him territory. And in a time of crisis, a choice could be made to give ‘ground’ which could lock one’s heart in such a way as to make it almost impossible to act Christlike, because Christ doesn’t have that ground anymore. Could it not come from childhood trauma where the child was too young to even recognize that they have made that choice? Luke 22:3, there certainly was no occult worship going on there, but Judas’ choice gave the devil ground to take over. We have had some progress with Caring for the Heart ministries. caringfortheheart.com They have quite a bit of success with this sort of thing. They explain about locked hearts, where the person cannot love because of deep woundedness, without someone walking them through proper repentance and renunciation (too long to explain here) leading on to Jesus healing and reopening the heart. Can there not be a difference between demon possession and demon oppression? I have also received so much more freedom by going through this ministry. Without Him we can do nothing, and so the only real choice we can make is to fully repent of ALL the broken places and give back ground to Jesus so we can be free to make the right choices. I tried for so many years to detach from the n’s rages, using this or that method, memorizing scripture and saying it over and over in my mind or out loud, etc. etc. but when I worked through my issues and gave that ground back to Jesus, He healed my heart and then I was free to love properly and at the same time detach from the evil in the n. I hope this makes sense. I’m not trying to be controversial but our story has a villain as well as a hero. Both are real. 🙂

    • Sunflower,

      Thanks for this comment. I understand what you are saying and, for the most part, I agree. I have received other comments that I haven’t allowed for posting because they promote a perspective that is judgmental and binding, in my opinion. I try hard to present only things that are helpful while allowing people to disagree with me. In fact, I have only disallowed five or six comments during the ministry of this blog and two of them in the past couple of weeks.

      Demonic activity is real, as I said in the post, and I do not doubt that demonic influence could present itself as narcissistic. How we deal with that seems to depend a lot on what we have been taught. Some use a great amount of drama and fanfare, others focus on prayer, still others teach truth. I have many friends who work in ministries that deal with demonic influences. Few of them use the same approach.

      It seems to me that Jesus dealt with the demonic by telling the truth. He quoted Scripture and spoke love to the people. That’s the method I prefer. I am not trying to be more spiritual, just explaining what has come out of years of ministry. It is the truth that will set people free.

      I believe that receiving truth about the love of God in Jesus, the acceptance and welcome He provides, is the answer for the narcissist. If that happens through a caring ministry, I am grateful.

      Not all disease or disorder is caused by either demon possession or demon oppression. In fact, most of what we see in our “Christianized” culture is simply the result of wrong actions and wrong decisions. For the most part, it has not been helpful or applicable for me to attribute the work of demons to the problem of narcissism.

      Thank you for your kind heart.

  6. Donna Roberts Walker

    Spot on again. My N husband is making improvements left and right! He does pray a spiritual warfare prayer every morning, however, the significance seems to be to make him aware of his moment by moment choice for good or evil. Once upon a time I thought he was possessed but, over time have realized that the rebellious little boy he hides deep within the ‘shadow characters’ is actually what possesses him. The liar within him is a mastermind who has no respect for the boundaries of God or others because, he has successfully deceived everyone in his life since he was a small boy. The ‘little liar’ hates to be called out for his lies and made to own reality and truth. He hates this more than anything and will even develop ‘convenient’ memory loss in order to protect his lies… His shameful secrets.

    My N husband is in process of trusting Christ and I am so very happy to see him owning lies and cover-ups and as a result becoming a bit more transparent. He was baptized recently in order to get his baptism on the right side of his salvation. He is reading God’s Word daily and taking every thought captive and even turning his thoughts into prayer. I’ve been his ‘lie-believer’ for 37 years so I’m not unaware of the potential for deception, again. Since learning of his double life last fall I have realized I CAN discern his lies from truth with the help of the Holy Spirit and I WILL follow the Holy Spirit out of this marriage. The boundaries are clear and out there in the open so he knows the choices and he knows the consequences. My hope is in Christ… Not in my narcissist.

    • Victoria

      I too agree that a Narc chooses to be evil. They know what they are doing.

      An example,

      I have not seen my ex Naec in 7 months. He called one day out of the blue. and said his daughter, (an art student in college) , drew me a painting ( “my likeness “) a fairy. And he wanted to bring over. He even had it matted and frame .

      Of course I was thrilled to get the print that his daughter drew, yet hesitate to see the Narc.

      Through much coesion , I agreed that he could bring it over. My mistake!!

      Well after I let him in, he went on to say that his daughter really captured me- “wonderful, sweet , and pretty. . And always remember that.

      Within 5 min of telling me this, he went on to talk about his new found love. How beautiful, dynamic communication, and what a perfect, couple. I told him to stop for it was hurtful to hear such talk. He then said, “please promise me in your next relationship you would trust more”

      It’s as if he did not renember me as his financee for the last 5 years.
      Not only did he pound a hammer in my heart ( again), he nailed the coffin closed!

      What he did was calculated / Pure evil ! This meeting with hin continues to haunt me! I Thank God for guving me strength .

      • Fellow Survivor

        Victoria, I know how you feel. They have power to hurt us so we have to stay away from them “no contact” I am finding “no contact” very difficult and not directly tied to the N but through our daughter. All summer long it was just my daughter and me and now the X is back in town. Now its even hard to talk to my daughter when she is with the N mom. How can some days be almost normal again and then the next day is horrible. I guess that’s standard. How can the N one day say “you mean everything to me” and the next day say you mean nothing to me. Tug of war with our heart, that’s what it is.

      • Victoria,

        What a painful experience that must have been! Some narcissists seem to believe they are great enough to keep multiple intimate relationships going. He may be trying to seduce you again. This time he wants you to accept him with the new “love.” Even if he might not want a “love” relationship with you, he may still want things between you and him to be okay. I have heard of so many narcissists who have done wicked things and then minimized their offenses and expected the relationship to be back to normal. They seem to need people to continue to admire and accept them, no matter what they have done.

        The amazing thing is that it often works. They can be so disarming and seductive. It is easy to trust them again . . . but just as dangerous as before. They will hurt you again.

        So, you learned all of this the hard way and I am sorry. Now let it go and move on again. Don’t be ashamed or afraid. A step backward does not end the journey. He has shown himself to you again and you have even more reason to keep moving away.

        I am praying for you.

        Dave

    • Donna,

      Your story is encouraging on so many levels. I hope you keep us posted. Yes, I have my doubts, but my doubts do not limit the work of the Lord. I will be praying for you and for your husband.

  7. Ashley

    Thank you for this article. I am going to read it every time I think that my ex-husband will find God and be redeemed. Because the reality of it is that I need to continue in my walk of faith and pray for him, but that although I find it sad, his choices will ultimately predict where he spends eternity.

  8. Onward

    I was glad to see the N condition approached with this insight. I have long felt that the condition is best described as sin on steroids and reflects the very nature of Lucifer/Satan. I likened the N in my life to one of Satan’s little minions. I do not make this statement with malice, lightly, or without foundation. My N’s characteristics and behavior can be traced back to descriptions and behaviors of Satan/Lucifer found in the Bible beginning with his desire to be like the Most High God, his deception and seduction in the garden of Eden, pride, accuser of the brethren, rage when denied his desires, and over the top anger when exposed. However, the responsibility of those of us associated with an N is found in Proverbs 4:5 forward where we are told to get and keep wisdom and understanding leading up to Proverbs 4:14 – 16 where we are warned of the wicked who sleep not unless they cause some to fall, (my edit… as though it were their life blood and sacrifice to Satan/Lucifer). I once mistakenly thought that the winning approach was to expose Ns and their bad behavior but the real answer is in scriptural and prayerful education for those of us who have been victimized and the would be victims. This underscores the importance of Dave and this blog. I also suspect that there may have been a wound at some point in my Ns young life and an ensuing decision to make a pact with the devil, known or unknown, it doesn’t matter. I also agree that the ways of the N are a conscious choice as is the sin of all of us sinners. Having said that, I strongly believe that this behavior is spiritual wickedness in high places, Eph 6:12, and that our warfare approach must be as described in Eph 6:13-17. Does anyone know of any other real cure for or defense against the wickedness of the heart of man than the instructions found in the Word of God?

  9. Anne-Christina

    This is a very balanced viewpoint. It is full of wisdom, which many other so called Christian writings about narcissism lack. Thank you.

  10. Carolyn

    I used to believe that my N could and would WANT to change…and stop doing the hurtful and cruel things that ultimately destroyed our marriage. But the truth is, he doesn’t want to, and he won’t until he gives his heart to Jesus. I firmly believe that because the change needs to be so drastic and life altering, that having Christ in his heart and letting the Holy Spirit work in his life is the ONLY way that there will be meaningful and permanent change. So….when thoughts of him creep into my mind…I pray for him. He is being prayed for often! 🙂

    It is hard to walk away from someone that you love or loved. However, I do feel it is essential not only for us…but we also need to step aside so that our N’s can feel the full effect of losing us. Somewhere deep inside my ex…he DOES know that he caused this.

    Lets be a praying people…and lift these people up to God! HIS way is the ONLY way.

    • Ashley

      Carolyn,
      My thoughts exactly. I pray for my ex-husband daily and when praying with my child we include his father in our prayers. I heard a sermon in church a few weeks ago. It was based on forgiveness and that God grants mercy to all those who accept Him. The pastor said that he thinks God hears all prayers, and when we pray for those who hurt us, God piles up those prayers and stores them. And when that person dies, if he/she has not turned to Him that person in essence has rejected not only those who gave prayers but God as well, and God takes those prayers and ultimately rejects that person. Those words helped me change my view of my N with a sense of sadness, mercy, forgiveness. I hold firmly to my boundaries, but let go of the anger.

  11. I can truly identify with the comment posted by onward in the description of the N husband. I too am married to a N and have pondered this issue for many years. I believe that Scripture is accurate in showing that any person can open a door to the devil, even unwittingly, by choosing to handle a situation in an ungodly manner. It is my belief that most N’s suffered trauma as children in their family of origin. They did not know how to cope with the abuse they suffered and chose to develop ungodly means of escaping abuse through N behavior that brought them initial relief, but in time, caused them to develop strongholds in their life that must be torn down through prayer and spiritual warfare. As a Christian. I do believe that in order for any person to be oppressed or possessed of the devil, that person has to give consent to the enemy through their behavior in order to be taken captive. The N is 100 percent accountable for his behavior but does not know how to free himself, and many, after finding that these “tactics” do work in life to get them what they desire, no matter how sinful, do not wish to give them up. Anyway that is my opinion–and I thank you for the article and the opportunity to comment.

    • Gwen Simmons

      I struggled for years in trying to determine if my N husband was willfully choosing to hurt me…it seemed incomprehensible. I mean, we all have free will, so I felt he was willfully choosing to abuse me. But the more I’ve researched through the years I have come to realize that within the wide spectrum of narcissist the truly disturbed narcissists actually have anomalies in the “empathy/conscience” part of the brain (much like they have found in Eastern European orphans’ brains). This poorly developed portion of the brain is directly linked to childhood trauma including unhealthy parenting and sexual abuse. The young developing brain is growing at an enormous rate when young. The brain development in certain areas will be stunted if certain factors prevent the healthy development of those areas in the brain, namely, the area of emotions such as empathy. In an interview with a self-proclaimed narcissist, Dr. Sam Vaknin, author of Malignant Self-Love, he describes what he feels or doesn’t feel toward other people’s sufferings. When given a few different scenarios of people suffering, either emotionally or physically, Dr. Vaknin said he literally had no empathy at all. He said it was impossible for him to feel empathy. It just doesn’t exist in his brain.
      While it appears the N’s choices are willful, N’s choices are automatic. Almost like breathing air. This was a very big paradigm shift for me. Their insatiable need to feed off others for their “supply” or their “high” is unquenchable, and they do not, cannot, feel guilty for it. If you’ve ever seen The Twilight Series it is much like a vampire’s need to feed on blood for its survival.(I know it’s not a good Christian example, but it makes the point). Drug addicts have the ability to detox. But N’s cannot because the empathy portion of their brain is underdeveloped and cannot ever recover. With this knowledge I was actually able to have compassion for my husband. The jury is out on demon possession. They embody all that is Satanic. Some believe they were demon possessed during the abuse. The sad thing is, there is no remedy for the severe N’s. The best we can do is pray for them. I had to make the difficult choice of leaving after 31 years, but I just couldn’t thrive or survive in such a spiritually oppressive environment. I could tangibly FEEL the evil in our home. My husband’s rages were very scary and I felt like my life was in danger. I highly recommend watching Sam Vaknin’s videos on narcissists online. His book is excellent. He covers every aspect of narcissism from a first person point of view. Should you not feel comfortable about exposing yourself to any opinions that are secular, I will tell you that in the 15 years I have researched narcissism I have found that Christians and non-Christians both agree on the symptoms of narcissism. Many also agree on what causes it. The fact that some seculars mention Freud doesn’t affect the agreed upon symptoms. In fact, both Christians and seculars usually agree that unhealthy parenting and abuse of some sort is typically the cause for their condition. I hope this has been helpful for those of you who have personally, or had a family member or friend, experience their very tragic situation. Good luck and God bless.

  12. Fellow Survivor

    Onward, Anna, Carolynn, Ashley, and Mom 92.

    Your post have helped me so much just this very minute. I want so badly to release the anger and be done with it. Your words are very helpful to me. There is nothing more that I would like than to come to this site to offer advise to those who suffer, but right now I am only a receiver of said advice. I am getting closer to the “letting go” part.

    Thank you!

    • Carolyn

      Dear Fellow Survivor…it is certainly a process. I think that all of us will agree that we have good days and bad days…days when we feel strong and days when we feel weak.
      I find that it helps to immerse myself in God’s Word…surround myself with the support of Christian friends and family…and cry out to Jesus all the time. Only through HIM do I receive strength and clarity. This website has been such a blessing to me. There is power in sharing what has happened/is happening with other Christian brothers and sisters. I have a heart for everyone who has gone through this…and please know that you are cared about and being prayed for.

      • Fellow Survivor

        Thanks Carolyn, who would have thunk it that this would happen to us. The more and more I realize that I was just a N extension it starts to make a lot more sense. Here is a good story and a game we can play. The game is called Narcissists/Not Narcissist. 4 years ago my ex demanded I get vasectomy. Would she take me? No. My parents took me. She did pick me up complaining the whole time how inconvenient it was for her to be there. 3 years ago my doctor recommended I have a Colonoscopy. At first it was not convenient before Christmas so I waited. Then January, she couldn’t find a half day off work. Finally in Feb my doctor calls and says “you really need to have this done” After repeated dates were unacceptable to her I just chose a date that I thought would be least intrusive on her busy schedule-Not. Again, she neither would take or pick up. Again my parents took me.

        Fast forward to 2 years ago. She tears her ACL and has the surgery. I take her, bring her home, help set up the leg movement machine, get her to the bathroom in the middle of the night, take her to follow up doc visits, go to pharmacy to get her meds, take her to dozens of therapy sessions, drive her where ever she needs to go for weeks until she can drive again. Etc. Etc. Etc.

        So I ask, Narcissistic or Not Narcissistic?

    • Dear Fellow Survivor,
      I am glad you feel that the info has helped you. It is a journey for certain and one that most people will never understand. NPD is very real and something that I have found unless you have experienced first hand, you cannot make someone who has never been exposed to this type of behavior understand you. I have been married for 24 years to my husband, and it took me many years to find out what the root of the problem was. I am a Christian and am Spirit-filled. I say this because except for being able to pray to the Holy Spirit daily, I do not think I could survive myself. I can only say to keep searching for information and keep your faith in Jesus Christ strong. He understands when no one else does, and HE will never need to be convinced of what you are going thru. Its been a few years now, but I had to finally ask God to remove the pain from my heart, as I suffered daily from the lies and rage and control and manipulation from my N husband. I asked for God to heal my heart otherwise I knew I would be very bitter. Lets face it, when you live with an N, you are constantly trying to get over the last hurt before the next one comes. It can be very discouraging indeed. I am now at the point that I know that I can show love to my husband, but I cannot help him. God is his DELIVERANCE, and I pray daily for him that God will hasten that day, so he can be free. Psychologists can help but Jesus is the only answer. He alone can heal and set free. Keep moving forward and keep your eyes on Him. God bless you in your journey!!!

  13. Passing

    Demonic Oppression:

    Type A: Narcissist
    Type B: Bipolar
    Type C: Schizophrenia

    Among the three, Type A is the most cunning.

  14. PGH

    No doubt, Narcs are fully accountable for their conscious decision to invite demons to dwell within them. Although I was once the target of covert manipulation, I’m grateful for this eye-opening experience, because it has (1) greatly deepened my understanding of my own weaknesses (susceptible to wolves in sheep’s clothing, especially women pretending to be meek,needy, and innocent) as well as (2) ending my own mental state of self-delusion. I had previously ignored taking spirituality seriously, and this encounter has transformed me into a spiritual being. Oftentimes, it takes a seeming “failure” to guide a person towards the proper spiritual path. To the extent that my experience with the Narc has ended my life-long self-delusion, it was an abundantly gainful spiritual experience.
    In every experience there are priceless spiritual lessons to be gained, and to simply dismiss this experience would have been a real shame. Being naive is not a blessing. The real blessing is in developing spiritual wisdom to identify demonic forces existing within Narcs and not let them infect our lives like a virus or cancer.
    The lesson for me: Recognize evil (demonic influences) when I sense it and don’t make excuses or rationalize for those whom are evil, petty, or sinful by nature. Their evil nature are not to be taken lightly. As for myself, never justify my own bad behavior, either.

  15. Katrin

    sorry for my bad language but i’ll try to tell to everyone who read this website about my experience with “my” Narcissist! Believe me or not, my first encounter with “my” Narcissist was something out of this dimension…first of all, from the start of our interaction I felt like I was literally hypnotized. I couldn’t believe to myself that it can be possible, but later I was read that it can be very very possible. Unfortunately, I rarely believe to my intuition and gut feeling…Another, very strangely experience was on the first date with “my” Narc. I don’t know how to tell you that but I saw something so SCARY awful that I can’t describe!!! I experienced some kind of shock and till today I can’t explain that?! He told me later that I started to cry 1, 2 minutes but as I was in shock so I wasn’t aware of that. I didn’t know than that he is what he is, I didn’t know much about him…I didn’t know than nothing. I just know that he had some kind of psychic power above me. He was sucking my vital energy sooo much but it was my mistake that I had no boundaries. I am always giver and he controlled me with empathy and now I know that this “robot” people has no empathy at all. Jesus Christ saved me but still my spirit is lost, it was some kind of soul rape…Now my dear victims, I AM SO so SURE THAT this people (with this disorder) are possessed with devil, some kind of evil spirit. After all my suffering with him I told him from my heart that he must find cure through Jesus, only God can help them..not psychiatric…no, they can’t! This is something deeper, out of our dimension. I am always try to help, to save etc. so at the end I was talking to him about …maybe to visit some priest who deal in exorcism!!! I know that someone of you mean that I’m exaggerates this personality disorder but believe me it’s the only cure for them. “I was blind but now I see :-)” Love and peace to all!

    • You are certainly not exaggerating, although most people would think we were, which is why they don’t believe us. Especially for the covert or stealth narcissist. I had the same experience with feeling an evil presence that seemed to be attacking my very soul. My brain could not turn off and my ruminating was uncontrollable. After 20 years of marriage I was hospitalized for the first time. It was a living nightmare. The therapists thought I was completely psychotic because of what I was telling them was going on.They held me down and injected me with powerful drugs. NO ONE believed me. I think not being believed is the worst part of the abuse. You are ALL ALONE. Thankfully I am healthy now that I have extricated myself from my husband after 31 years. It was my only choice for survival. I used to think my wedding vows meant I was to endure the worst no matter what. But that is NOT true. If you are under constant demonic attack, being intimate with someone demonic where they are actually entering your body, God does not expect us to live in such an evil realm, especially if you’ve spent years praying for your N and being a Godly wife.

  16. Ex Narcissist Extention

    I 100% believe Narcissism is demonic. I was living with a Narcissist and when he made me cry…he smiled… a smile of satisfaction. It was so painful and frightening. I will never give up on him. I pray for him daily and also 100% believe he will be delivered.

  17. Satan wanted power, control, and noone “above” him.
    Narcissists want power, control and noone “above them”

    Satan manipulated (and used)Adam and Eve for personal gain.
    Narcissists manipulate (and use) others for personal gain.

    Satan is the “Master of lies and deceit”
    Narcissists lie pathologically to deceive others.

    2 Timothy 3:1-7 speaks of this
    But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people. …

    And lets not forget Peter 5:8
    Be sober, be watchful: your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour,

    • yes…it’s so true…but how to avoid that kind of “people” when we don’t know what they are when we met them? they are masters of illusion…If we are not that kind of people how to recognize them? Please, if someone knows that.. HELP to us, blind people, to recognize satanic people before they destroy us… :/ (p.s. sorry for my bad english)

    • Monarch

      perfect scripture for this post

  18. Arleen

    Jesus said, “Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them.” Mark 11:24

  19. Thank you Arleen. Hope…in who Jesus is, what He has done and what he is able to do…is your hope. Please watch you tube videos by DR CAROLINE LEAF – Bring Toxic Thoughts Into Captivity. She is wearing a black and white jacket in this video. This info supplies the understanding and knowledge regarding the stronghold in their hearts and minds. It is crucial to gain and maintain a heart of compassion and faith. Not only for them, but also, for ourselves. I never heard of Narcissism until 3 days ago and @ 40 hours of Ross Rosenberg, Sam Vaknin and begood4000 (James Again). Thirty-three years of ALOLH (not Aloha). Living as a child desiring the molester to own up to the pain he caused and stop saying that I made him do it. This feeling of tormented slavery to the sadistic behavior of this perpetrator gives me insight into their hearts and the pain they have been brutally forced to carry, for so much longer. Pain and self preservation becomes a way of survival and survival becomes their heroin addiction and habit. Yes, they chose and choose and have and will continue to give account (to God) for their adult willful act. They suffer, we suffer, the children suffer and God is dishonored. However, I believe with all my heart: God says, I will restore to you the years that the locusts….hath eaten and He will repay double for all the trouble we have endured. And I already see through this how frail, faithless, vulnerable and co-dependent I have been. Deficit of Gods love, to the degree needed to help – by showing and speaking the truth in love and helping to restore him by Gods grace working in and through me. I could not change his behavior and he would have still done most of the same things in spite of faithful prayer. But, by humbling myself and trusting God, I could have changed my ugly reactions to wisdom filled responses and/or Godly silence. I only speak this extent of persevering faith to those whom are called to remain in the home and stand in the gap. I don’t believe all are called to. IDK. God knows the heart of each man.
    These scriptures are wisdom and instruction.
    I set before you life and death, blessing and cursing, choose life.
    Take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ
    Cast down imaginations
    Say unto this mountain, …doubt not in your heart, but believe…he shall
    have whatsoever he saith.
    As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.
    Etc…
    Your spouse may not desire to watch or follow what she teaches. However, you can receive it, believe it and do it…for yourself and stand in the gap for your husband. APPLY the logos (written Word of God) and any rhema (spoken Word of God) that He gives or has given you in the past. As I heard from a minister, “walk in the light of what you do know”. We know to pray, believe, trust God, trust in HIs redemption – through His precious blood, speak the word, intercede, be of a quiet and peaceable spirit, STAND IN THE GAP, and give the Holy Spirit full dominion to work, HIs way, in HIs time, Keep your grain of mustard seed pure (FAITH). Do not mingle it with doubt and unbelief. You will render it useless.
    Refrain from stuffing the Word of God down His throught…page by page, nor reason for hours hoping one profound word will turn the revelatory light bulb on in his head and do not ask questions that breed strife, for they all do. Each of these are emotional expressions of love from you, but, in his mind, they are enticements used to torment you.
    Sisters and brothers in Christ and any who have endured this with me…I am so sorry you had to be beaten (emotionally, spiritually, mentally and physically) for desiring to love and be loved and even protect your children. I know God loves you and has not turned His ear from your cries. He has used all the info to counsel you with understanding, knowledge and wisdom. We must be willing to receive it and act upon it. No matter what form it comes in.
    God has answered many of my prayers (even through youtube 0.o). I can now see people and My circumstance through His eyes. That stirs me to pray more intently for my husband and children to be able to see His Love for us and to obey Him.
    I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME.
    Love You

  20. Heather

    🙂 Well said. Thank you

  21. The article clarified my confusion of how the N mind works. It is quite simple, they choose sin/evil to cope. If they are most likely not saved, and they are wanting and walking in accord with the original sin that exists already in their hearts, and they are doing what they want to do.
    I wonder is it possible for a saved person to wander so far from The Way, and exhibit characteristics of NPD?
    Or were they like the seed that sprung up on shallow soil?

    Maybe I am still confused? I have so much swirling in my head..

    My husband who exhibits the characteristics of an N, just left for a ten day vacation to Mexico with our 18 year old son, out of the blue… He asked our other teen and one adult children if they wanted to go with, behind my back. I was not invited. Not a big deal, I will not travel out of the country with him, based on prior experiences…. I had to put my foot down with one of our daughters who considered going on the Mexico trip, for her safety….
    He continues to raise the bar on the antics to push me out the door… He has maxed out MY credit card, he says he is going to,have fun with his kids… He works under the table sometimes, and uses none of his earnings to pay the bills…. He quit his job two years ago and doesn’t want to go back to work…. I have been a stay at home mom for 20 years, he told me to let my Captains License expire I wouldn’t need it anymore, the savings is completely gone, and I am at my wits end…. I want to leave, but when I get to the point of leaving, he woo’s the kids with expensive gifts, trips, fun stuff, and then he tells them what a ” Debby Downer mom is”…. Long story, sorry…. I appreciate your writing. I check in from time to time I cannot subscribe due to the constant monitoring of my electronic devices by my husband, however he regularly changes the pass codes on all his devices, because he says he doesn’t trust me (shaking my head)…

  22. Sunflower

    James 3:13-15 New International Version (NIV)

    Two Kinds of Wisdom
    13 Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. 14 But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. 15 Such “wisdom” does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic.

  23. hardyfamily

    DANG! I believe everything you said 100% and I have been praying for an answer and I was led here. I am happy I’m not the only one to believe this. We think EXACTLY ALIKE! God bless you!

  24. Thank you for this! I needed it after a couple terrible months with my N mom. Jesus saved me and now Jesus is saving my newborn daughter-I must get out of her home for good. GOD bless you!

  25. Instead of thinking of them as being possessed, how about instead viewing them as actual demons. As in Flesh and Blood Demons. They walk amongst us!

  26. dombeck

    My opinion on this matter seems to change. And there seems to me degrees of evil. In the wake of finding Jacob Wetterling’s remains, along side the murdering rapest, I see the face of pure evil. There is nothing more or less to describe him. Surely, he is a narcissist with a malady of other disorders, but they are just varying descriptions of people who do evil things. No, I don’t think he is even human. He is some kind of Devil, and even if he could be prosecuted for his crimes against Jacob, no earthly punishment could justify it, or even come close to satisfying collective outrage. It puts things in a sobering perspective.

  27. kimberly

    I started wondering about narcissists being evil (it’s my mother of all people) when I realized that they are completely unwilling to acknowledge they have wronged or have any character defect. Therefore, they would never need Jesus to save them. I don’t believe she’s demon possessed; I believe she is a demon walking on the earth. A week among the wheat.

  28. Lisa Perez

    I feel like you do Kimberly and in my case it is my daughter. I do see evil in the way she behaves and every seemingly good action on her part always turns out to be a lie or to aid in some evil purpose.

  29. Linda

    I think it bears mentioning that even though narcissism is a choice. There is a demonic presence encouraging and nurturing that choice and that there can be footing gained by binding that malevolent spirit in the name of God. They may not be possessed by a demon but they are being manipulated by one and their presence still taints the narcissist’s spirit and therefore their decisions.

    • Marie

      I have been married eleven years to a narcissist. He was raised Catholic, and at times will attend church with me. I go to a Christian church. Yet, I can’t talk about my faith with him, I get this negative feeling coming from him if I want to talk about Jesus. He says he believes in it all, but doesn’t have any fruits to confirm his salvation. I know there were issues within his family growing up, his Dad is a narcissist, and his brother is awful to be around. It’s like he forgets things, or is living in a different reality . He would tell me he told me things, and I started to wonder if he would say it in his head rather then out loud. At times I notice him moving his mouth with nothing coming out. He had a high profile job that would stress him out, so I thought it was stress, but he job got a job with less stress and he has not changed, in fact since his around more, he seems worse. He is always yelling at our young children, so they are always coming to me for help, or anything they need or want. I am worried his behavior will mess them up. I have no job, and live very far from family since we were first married, so there is no way to get away for a bit, and if I do go out shopping, he gets upset I am not home with him. I have often felt evil around me, he would lose things and blame me for moving them, then all of a sudden he would find what he is looking for, in a place he claimed to look. I have prayed so often, and when I do the heavy duty prayers, things make a turn for the worse, it’s like demons surrounding him go into over drive after those prayer sessions. I am a very optimistic positive person , and he breaks me down every time. He loves to argue and I don’t. It really kills my spirit . I something think when I go to heaven, it would be heaven if he was there with him. That sounds so messed up. I want him to be in heaven, but I don’t want to know him there.

  30. Cecilia K

    Blessings and hugs to you, Marie. You are under a great deal of oppression. Your situation sounds so familiar…his different reality, his getting upset when you’re not home with him, claiming he told you things that he really didn’t. Do you know that that is called gaslighting? As are the times when he loses things and blames you for it. Are you familiar with that term? If not, Dave has a post on it in the archives. I encourage you to read it, if you have not. I also do not like arguing; it kills my spirit, too. And I understand how you don’t want to know him in Heaven. I hope it helps you to come here and see that you are not alone in your suffering. We here, hear you, understand what you’re going through, and care about you.

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