31 Flavors (or more)!

 

 

It’s Narcissist Friday!   

 

How many kinds of narcissists are there? Someone has said that if you ask eight people for their political opinions, you will get nine opinions. We are individuals, not identical to each other. And, sometimes, the answer is even more complicated.

Not only are there different kinds of narcissists, but different relationships with narcissists. The narcissist might be very different to church people than to his wife, or different to the people in the club than she is to her own children. In fact, narcissistic parents often treat their children differently. For some it may be a “divide and conquer” technique; for others it may stem simply from seeing different children as useful in different ways. The point is that no two people will see the narcissist in exactly the same way.

So we have all kinds of different narcissists in all kinds of different relationships. That makes it difficult to make blanket statements that cover all of them. Anyone writing about narcissism can only speak to generalities or to certain aspects of narcissism at one time.

Of course, this is true about almost any human characteristic or behavior. We are individuals, and we are different. That’s part of what makes it hard, and it’s part of what makes it fun. At the same time, we can make some general statements that are true of certain categories. Not everyone is different in every aspect. Some act in much the same way as others. Some look, in some ways, like others. It is natural for us to try to notice similarities in people, more natural than for us to focus only on the differences. In our desire to understand each other, we use these categories to help. Nothing is wrong with that, as long as we remember that these categories are just for the purpose of understanding. Using these categories to discriminate or divide actually harms all of us.

As I write about narcissists and their behavior, I am very aware that I do not describe all narcissists. If I were to say that narcissists don’t physically abuse, for example, I would be wrong. Some do. Most do not. If I were to say that promiscuity is a characteristic of a narcissist, I would be wrong. That is certainly true for some, but not others. Not all narcissistic parents have a favorite child or a scapegoat child, although that seems to be true in many cases. I always have to give the caveat, or at least hope my readers understand, that my statements will be generally true, but not necessarily true of every person who could be called a narcissist.

Readers should take this into account whenever they read blogs or articles or comments about narcissism. People tend to share what they have experienced or learned. Their situation might be different from others. The blog writer might be focusing on something other than what you are experiencing. The article might be too general to fit your situation (or might just be wrong). Be patient as you study and allow yourself to gather a broader understanding of a very difficult problem.

Now, someone should be asking, “So what?” What does this matter? Several things are going through my mind. I would caution anyone against judging another because their narcissist doesn’t measure up to yours. Some narcissists are not as cruel as others, and some people are able to handle more cruelty than others. Compassion and understanding should be in generous supply among those who have been victims of narcissistic relationships. It seems so inappropriate and uncaring for one person to tell another that their situation isn’t all that bad and they should just suck it up and be a better Christian. No one needs that.

Also, take the time once in a while to go back to the clinical definitions of narcissism. Check out this post. Remember that these people can be of all shapes and sizes, colors and nationalities, religions and vocations. Remember that not all of these characteristics have to be true of any one person. And there is a scale, a continuum of narcissistic behavior. Sometimes people who are not clinically narcissists behave in ways that are quite narcissistic.

I have said many times that I think it is less than helpful to call someone a narcissist publicly or even to their face. Because the word is widely used today, people may not understand you or believe you when you say that your spouse or parent or boss is a narcissist. They might have a different picture in their minds that doesn’t fit your person. Besides that, narcissism is beginning to be touted as a positive in business and professional relationships. Some people will be proud to be called a narcissist.

Instead, describe behavior. Tell what is happening in your marriage or family or work. Describe it in a way that the other person can feel for themselves. If you did the work and your narcissistic co-worker took the credit, almost anyone would see that as wrong. If your mother ignores you or laughs when you tell her you had a miscarriage, people will see that as hurtful. But if you just say that so-and-so is a narcissist, they won’t understand.

Finally, you may never know if the person in your life is a narcissist, at least by the clinical definition. All you know is that something is very wrong. You see the consistent and destructive lack of empathy. You feel the pain of day after day living in fear and loneliness and accusation. You search to put a name to your enemy and narcissism seems to fit best. That’s okay. You don’t have to be a psychoanalyst. You just need to know what to do next.

And that’s where the categorization helps. The answer is almost universally the same. You must protect yourself. Set up boundaries. Build your own strength and self-esteem. Find some kind of support. Find a way back to health. You are not a reflection of your narcissist’s (or whatever you decide to call the person) image. You do not exist to serve that person. You are a person in your own right, valued and loved by your Creator. Find a good counselor (and don’t be afraid to dump a bad one). Leave the relationship if that is what is best.

I want you to know that you are loved, that your story is believed, and that there is always hope. That’s why I write these posts. The Lord who made you has not abandoned you. Hold on to Him and His love.

 

 

22 Comments

Filed under Narcissism

22 responses to “31 Flavors (or more)!

  1. So true. My ” was-band’s” work colleagues see him as considerae and highly capable, a ” good guy.” But they don’t know how he talked to his wife and children. One of his coworkers met me at a church function and said,” You’re a really sweet person” she sounded surprised as she spoke, and I imagine he’s painted me there as the Wicked Witch of the West. I pray for him that somehow God sovereignty and dramatically reaches him. It will take a true miracle. God tells me nothing is impossible for Him- so I pray He does the impossible and I move forward to rebuild myself in the meantime, refusing to fall into bitterness, contempt and rejection. I mean too much to Jesus to let my heart reflect the narcissist.

  2. Jodi

    I hate labeling people but when it comes to narcissism, I’ve found it very helpful because it does most certainly speak to a certain personality type and those who are in relationships with them most likely need help. It’s like looking for a self-help book in the library under subject matter.

    I know that no two narcs are the same. They are influenced by yet even more maladies that have labels. They seem to never end.

    I think mine is a psychopath with “reactive attachment disorder” for instance. I used to call it, in my layman’s terms, “an oppositional disorder” that no matter what I said, wanted and/or needed he did the exact opposite (no joke or exaggeration). I would try to explain to family members that he cannot connect with humans, that he can only show affection and attachment to his dogs (only enabling him to continue being an ass). Now throw in the fact he is an alcoholic drug dealer that walks around with a loaded pistol in his pocket, donning a hair trigger temper and you have a real “problem child.”

    Which mother do you blame? The one that gave him up for adoption at six weeks old or the one that put him on a pedestal and raised him? In his case, he blamed me, the mother of the only blood relative he was aware of. He resents me.

    Did I mention he is a transvestite? Closeted of course. THAT was my fault too no doubt.

    I found his most irritable trait was his absolute need to blame someone for anything and everything. Things didn’t just break because they were worn out. Things broke because SOMEONE was a moron. The milk didn’t just run out. It disappeared because SOMEONE drank the last ounce.

    I could keep slapping labels on him till the cows come home. And I have no cattle. It’s embarrassing. It’s overwhelming. I’m not sure what is worse, realizing what he is, or remembering what he did to me. I no longer ask why he did them to me. I ask myself why I stayed so long.

    I know I have post traumatic stress disorder. I know I am permanently changed because of him. I know I am still recovering. And I rediscover the depth of my denial almost daily as repressed memories bubble to the surface, unsolicited and unwelcome.

    It’s not so much understanding it as it is forgiving myself and the girl that I was. I don’t care why he is the way he is. I know he will never change. But will I? When will it end? Seems like I cry out of joy and sorrow all at the same time. I want to quit feeling sorry for myself. I want to quit talking about it. I just want to be grateful I don’t live with him, talk with him, or deal with him anymore. I want to get on with my life.

    Thank you for letting me safely rant.

  3. I think the hardest thing to deal with is the non-support. Once they go on a smear campaign and spread their lies, people either believe them or are indifferent. It’s betrayal that goes well beyond the narcissist.

    • Yes. You’re not alone in that one, believe me!

    • Kenzie

      My narcissist is my “mother in law,” its my boyfriends mother, we are not married but its typically easier to call her that. Actually Medusa is even easier, which is what my boyfriend and I typically call her in conversation 😊 Anyway, she of course does the smear campaigns, along with an incredibly long list of other atrocities she’s committed against me in the loooong (only long because of her, otherwise we’re typically rather happy with one another) 2.5 year relationship with my boyfriend and not to mention the pure psychological terror reigned down on my boyfriend for the 20 some odd years while she raised him alone before I met him…but I am getting side tracked.
      Medusa smears me to hear family member’s, as most if not all do, and her sister who is clearly as crazy as she is after talking to her nephew (she told her sister that she’d be better off if her husband, who had a rather dire prognosis of cancer at the time, would just die and then went on a rant of all the “terrible” things he’s done. Most of which pretty much boil down to his not going along with everything she wants him to and didn’t agree with her on everything. This was in ear shot of their son and she knew)…again side tracking! My apologies! So question, point blank, when people DO end up believing the utter verbal diarrhea of these “people,” sometimes having never even met you or had ANY sort of contact at all yet, they believe all the nonsense, are they just as bad as the narc? What’s wrong with them that they listen to only one side of the story? I was raised that you need to hear BOTH sides and then piece both sides together somehow and attempt to come up with some resemblance of the REAL truth because no one tells the true truth, even when they believe they are. Eye witness testimony is least liked amoung police because the mind is a powerful wonder and it takes whats truly happening in front of you and fills in any blanks to make sense of it, sometimes changing facts into only what you perceived. So what do you do to deal with this aspect of the narcs destruction? Especially when you don’t really see these people or talk to them? How do you make them see that everything they say is a lie? And without them thinking that you being nice and normal is actually you not you just putting on an act like the narc is. I do not want the rest of his family to think I am what Medusa says I am, because I am nothing of what her defamations claim me as.
      And when I do see his grandmother who SEEMS to like me, how do I know if she’s genuine or just smoke and mirrors to make me trip and fall into her web like Medusa?
      I don’t know how to deal with Medusa. I have very little patience for bullies at 27 after being bullied in H.S. Especially when I see her bullying my boyfriend and blantantly trying to break us up. While my boyfriend knows she is crazy, he still has the carries all her guilt that she so lovingly loaded into bags for him and strapped them to his back. He feels guilty not speaking to her as I know is the only way to give him time to heal. He has not lived with her for a few years now and says that should help him but I gave him this analogy- if I burn you with a cigarette and leave a wound and then I keep burning you everyday, it will get worse. If I burn you only every few days, I reopen the wound and it still gradually gets worse because there is no real healing time. She can still torture him through texts and calls if he chooses to answer them and I don’t know how else to help him understand.
      Anyway, this was much longer than I had planned it being, my apologies again! But I guess you could skip over it if you saw it was too long…😊 Thanks for reading to whoever stuck around. Any and I mean ANY advice is greatly appreciated, no sugar coating necessary, I’m not really a sweets person 😉

      • Kitkat

        Kenzie, The only thing that you can do is to live your life and try not to worry about what they do. If his family are listening to her garbage you are wasting your time trying to get them to understand. If in all the years his family have had to deal with her, and they listen to her nonsense then they are just as twisted as she is. The maddening thing is trying to find a way that they will be like normal families. And unless you see some hope that a few of them will come to you and ask your side of the story I wouldn’t waste your time. That is why you see so many hurting people on this site. The frustration is maddening, but you are not alone, we have all been there. If you need a more personal response you can personal message Pastor Dave. God bless you.

      • New Creature

        Oh, my. My N is my MIL also (28 years married–known her for 35). My husband has his struggles too. He is a wonderful, godly man and totally worth putting up with the baggage that she created. I would marry him again even knowing that an N MIL comes with the package.

        MIL bad mouths us to anyone who listens. I agree it is astounding how people will believe their lies without considering the other side of the story. It speaks to how winsome and convincing they can be. Yes, all mature, thinking adults understand that there are 2 sides to every story, but when Ns tell it, they can be so convincing that people throw reason out the window and believe them without verifying the facts.

        There was a time in my life when I didn’t say anything bad about her, she is my husband’s mother, after all, and isn’t that basic respect? Then I realized, and Pastor Dave confirmed in a post, that if they lie, it is ok to speak up and tell the truth. I can’t tell you how many times one of her flying monkeys has called, reamed us out and told us what bad Christians we were only to be shocked to hear our side of the story. Then they apologize to us realizing what is going on. Several of these people were elders or “helping hands” ministry people that she was taking advantage of saying we refused to help and so she had no choice but to come to them (both lies). My advice? Don’t cover her lies in any way. Learn how to control your emotions and stick to the facts, but do tell the truth. Don’t be afraid to say that she wasn’t truthful will them or didn’t give them all the facts. You will also need to learn how to be ok with the fact that there are dozens of people out there, unknown to you, who believe all kinds of lies about you. This is hard for me, a die-hard people pleaser! Over time, it is getting easier.

        Another piece of advice is for you and boyfriend to educate yourselves about Ns tactics and decide how you want to set your boundaries with her. Set them and keep them. Know that if you give in even once, it is like giving in to a toddler. They will realize they can get around the rules and they will try to manipulate and abuse even more. My N refused to honor our boundaries and so we are currently estranged–for the time being. Sometimes it comes to that.

        My last piece of advice is to get into some good biblical counseling if you and boyfriend are serious. If you anticipate that this relationship will be long term, I strongly encourage you to get some support to help keep you both sane. Our pastor referred us to another couple in the church with similar mother issues and they have been a great encouragement and sounding board to us. They are especially helpful b/c they have been through extensive counseling and can recommend resources (books, etc.) as well as check in with us periodically to see if we need referral to a counselor. It really helps to know there is someone out there (besides your online friends !-) who knows exactly what you are going through and believes your side of the story.

  4. Kitkat

    Pastor Dave, I have a question for you. As I read through these latest posts, I wonder if there is a book out there or some sort of seminar materials, or brief educational materials or anything to help congregations deal with “difficult” (N) people in the church. I am truly blessed in that the church that I left, because of the N, has sought me out, to listen to my side of the story. I have returned to this church and have found that in my absence the N convicted herself with her own mouth. They couldn’t understand how someone who had so openly professed publicly that I was her best and closest friend, would suddenly turn on me and trash my character over something so benign. Thus the reason for people to ask my side of things. And since my return, they have sheltered me and loved me the way I believe that God would have us do. I have been warmed so tremendously by this outpouring of support, as I didn’t expect it at all. And I am not sure how much the demographics of the congregation has to do with it either, as many are professional people, lawyers, nurses, teachers etc… So, they may have had some psychological courses to prepare for their careers and it may have had an impact on how they discerned the situation. But after reading the many posts on here, I see that this is so very rare and it shouldn’t be. My heart breaks for those that need this kind of support and don’t get it. This should be the norm of how a church should react, but it isn’t done. I know that there are a few who still cling to her (the N’s) lies, but honestly, most of the congregation have dismissed her rants about me. And maybe, in practical terms, looking at the scriptures about how to love as a church, rather than singling out “difficult” people may be the point of view to write something like this. You would think that the scriptures themselves would be enough but not everyone sees the scriptures the same way. I know I sound like a broken record, but this blog space has been so supportive and wonderful for dealing with the brokenness that I felt because of this horrible behavior, especially when you feel so all alone in dealing with someone who seems so convincing that you even doubt yourself. I know I constantly questioned myself, examined and re-examined myself looking for anything that I might have done to cause this to happen. And it can be maddening. So, with so much of this going on, it seems to me that congregations could use some education. We need to start taking care of our people with kindness and love. As I read through your post today about being careful not to label people, perhaps, if there isn’t something already out there, you and/or some of your colleagues may consider putting something like this together. “How should we as a congregation love the brokenhearted?” a study guide, just a thought. Many thanks for all that you do for the victims of Narcissism.

    • KitKat, this was the only way I could find to reply to your lovely message to me about the book, A Child Called “It.” Yes, to answer your question, I have read that book. In fact, in one my mother’s extremely rare moments of self-awareness, she called me one day and asked if I had heard of that book. I told her yes, that I had read it. Then I nearly fainted when she asked, “Was I as bad as that mother?’ !!!

      This conversation with my mother happened in late 2003 or early 2004. I was so hopeful that finally my mother was seeing the light and we could have a real, honest mother-daughter relationship. But it didn’t go that way. She quickly reverted to her old ways of denial and scapegoating projection.

      I understand and agree with what you said about not writing the study guide as I suggested you might. It was just an impulsive thought. I have considered the possibility of putting together an anthology of narcissistic abuse survivor stories, maybe something called Fifty Shades of Narcissism. But I am too busy and stressed writing my own memoir to take on a project like that!

  5. Reblogged this on Surviving Extreme Trauma and commented:
    “I want you to know that you are loved, that your story is believed, and that there is always hope. That’s why I write these posts. The Lord who made you has not abandoned you. Hold on to Him and His love.” –Words of wisdom by Dr. David Orrison, a minister of compassion.

    • Kitkat

      Thank you Linda!

      • KitKat, I love your suggestion about putting together a study guide about how church congregations should deal with the brokenhearted. That is a wonderful suggestion and sorely needed.

        Maybe you, as one who has felt “so all alone in dealing with someone who seems so convincing that you even doubt yourself” could write such a guide? Especially since you had the rare healing experience of being welcomed back and loved by most of the church people who had initially shunned you. Really, who better than you to write such a book?

        My mother is the worst narcissist in my life. I pity her. I don’t think she can help it, I suspect that a severe head injury she had as a child destroyed her ability to feel empathy, love, and appropriate guilt, although only God can really know what’s in her heart. But, regardless of the reason, my mother has hurt me far worse than anyone else in my life.

        She tried to gas us all to death when I was a child, after she discovered my father’s affair (which didn’t happen until after her own affair with his best friend). When my mother’s gas attempt failed, she confessed to me, a 12 year old, what she had done, saying she had the right to kill me and my much younger brothers and sisters because she had brought us into the world. She told me she was now looking for another way to kill us, for example by driving us off a cliff, if only she could find one high enough. When I reacted to my mother’s horrible confession by saying that murdering her five children was not okay, it was a sin, my mother looked at me like she hated me. And she has treated me like she hates me ever since, through verbal abuse, sometimes physical abuse, and worst of all, by telling evil projecting character assassinating lies about me to my entire family. Lies that most of my family apparently believes.

        For years my mother has been the most pious church goer, a saintly, holier-than-thou Bible thumper, ever on the alert for saving lost souls. She tells people how much she loves me, worries about me, and prays for my salvation… although I am a reborn Christ follower and have been for years, just not one of her particular fundamentalist Christian “brand.”

        I finally cut all ties with my mother after she sent me a 62 page hate letter in 2011, telling me everything that was ever “wrong” with me in my entire life. It wasn’t the first such hateful letter of at least 50 pages that she had sent me over the years. But it was the first, that I know of, that she sent copies of her hate-my-scapegoat letter, to others in my family….. which FINALLY opened the eyes of a couple of my relatives.

        One of my brothers told me he asked our mother, “Why did you write that mean letter to Linda?” Her answer: “I told Linda everything that she ever did wrong in her life, then at the end of it I told her Christ would forgive her of all those things, if she would only repent.” So you see, she only had my best interest at heart.

        But I have repented of all my sins. Furthermore, her 62 pages was not full of my very real sins, it was full of lies, half-truths, misunderstandings (where I was never given the benefit of any doubt), and blatant projections onto me of her own sins.

        For example, she falsely accused me of wanting at one time to steal my stepfather away from her! But he was never anything but a father figure in my eyes, a good and honorable man. Yet my mother did things like get drunk and sit on my first husband’s lap, right in front of me, on my birthday, hugging and kissing him and telling him she loved him and saying she was so sorry that he was married to horrible me, the wife he was understandably driven to BEAT once or twice per week and cheat on with anything that walked…

        All these things are TRUE, God knows! Yet when I try to tell anyone in my family, I am told to honor my mother, to love my enemy, to turn the other cheek, forgive and forget — especially since my childhood was so long ago.

        But my mother’s abuse isn’t long ago. She still hates me, she still spreads lies about me, and the majority in my family still apparently believe her lies. I am now 62. She is 80. My rightful place in my family was destroyed over half a century ago by my mother’s evil projecting lies. Most of my family has shunned me for decades because of her lies, because a pious Christian mother would “never” tell such lies. And now, especially that she is old and widowed and lonely and pitiful, I am supposed to be silent….

        Sorry, KitKat, I got on a roll!! It is so rare to come across a group of Christians who seem like they will believe the nightmare I have lived… once I got started I couldn’t seem to stop. I have only recently healed enough, thanks to good therapy, to be able to write about it. I am writing a book about it, under my Linda Lee pen name, changing all of the names for privacy. I don’t know if anyone will want to read such a crazy story. I just know that I have been silent way too long. I don’t want to take my truth to the grave.

      • Hi Linda Lee, I’m so sorry that you have such a horrible mother. I’ll pray for you and your family. Please pray for mine, also. I have a very similar story where my mother is concerned. I don’t know what else to say except you have to live through the horror in order to understand. People just don’t understand. I’m glad that you’ve come to a place of acceptance. I have also’ but it takes years, doesn’t it? God Bless You.

      • Thank you, Michelle, for your compassion and prayers. I am praying for you and your family, also. Yes, like you said, people don’t understand unless they have lived through a horror like this. Moms are revered in our culture, along with Baseball and Apple Pie. Most people don’t want to believe that a mother would try to gas her five children to death, or get involved with her own daughter’s husband, and “justify” her evil actions with horrible lies. And yet… I can’t watch the news or read a newspaper or even check out msn news headlines online any more, because all too often my PTSD is triggered by a horrible news story about a parent killing or attempting to kill their child.

        In this sinful world, these unthinkable horrors really do happen. Pretending otherwise only hurts the victims even more.

        If you would like to correspond privately with someone who will believe and understand, my email address is LadyQuixote (at) live (dot) com. I am no therapist of course, and I often go days without checking my email, but I would love to hear from you. God bless you.

      • Kitkat

        Linda, my heart breaks for you. If I could hug you I would. There was a book out some years ago called, “A Boy Called It”. I don’t know if you are familiar with it or not. But this little boy was singled out by his mother for abuse. None of the other siblings in his family suffered the way this child did. He was scapegoated and treated unmercifully. He tried to ask his mother, when she neared the end of her life, why did she do this to him when all the other children were treated so well. She wouldn’t tell him and she died refusing to give him an answer he desperately sought. He went on to write the book about his experiences which became a bestseller. I would encourage you to write your book. So many times we internalize our emotions, keep quiet when we want to scream and desperately look for loving hearts to just listen. If those who suffer these injustices start to speak out, who knows how many people could be helped. I know what I felt when this wonderful congregation warmly received me back. As I said, I didn’t expect this as when I was reading through the many stories on here, I knew I was taking a chance to be hurt all over again. But God intervened. He tugged the hearts of these people to accept me and care for me and to believe me. These kinds of people are out there but I believe that their needs to be some sort of way to educate people in how to discern these kinds of situations. I was also lucky in that both my sister and her best friend are counselors. The pastor at this church, his sister is a psychological nurse. And he would confer with her about how to deal with this situation. He did believe me, but unfortunately he couldn’t change the N in my life either, only God can do that, and I think even He finds it difficult. One of the things that set my soul soaring was when one of the congregation had told me that she had seen some of this N’s behavior, and I asked, “So you believe me then?” and she said that she did, and in an instant I felt validated. Then there was another and another, until I finally decided to return. I was asked recently if I thought the pastor handled this well, and I said I think he tried. But that I was hurt that I didn’t feel really supported, especially when I know that other people went to him about what the N was saying about me. Now he may have put the N on notice about her badmouthing, but I don’t know what was said to her because of the privacy laws and I didn’t ask him. In any case she seemed to just ignore any advice given to her as she is hell bent to continue. As far as me writing a guide, I think it would take a number of victims and their input to put something like this together as all of our experiences are different. I believe that my experience is rather benign compared to your story or some of the others on here. Pastor Dave also has the experience from a pastoral view and knows the ins and outs of dealing with church congregations, perhaps on what would or wouldn’t work. Grace for my Heart has been a lifeline for so many people who did not get the help or the support from their congregations or families, that is why his work here is so important. And I think some sort of study guide would be a boon to help Godly congregations to deal with these situations. Unfortunately some congregations are a veritable vipers nest of Narcissists. But my heart aches for the hands of God to surround the brokenhearted, the hurting, the discouraged, and the battered. The church should be the hands of God and it sorely needs some guidance.

  6. HDG

    Wonderful post Pastor Dave.I hear the word narcissist used a lot these days. Sometimes when two people just disagree. Those of us who have been affected by and educated ourselves(with much thanks to you)about the true characteristics of narcissism are sometimes not taken seriously because narcissist has become a “buzzword.”

  7. This is one reason why I put my own, most recent story of narcissistic abuse on the Web: because I couldn’t find another one just like mine. Mine involved friends rather than lovers or family members or bosses. I also wrote down the details so people could see for themselves how the gaslighting happened.

    I don’t know if many people will ever read the whole thing, since most people don’t. But it certainly helped me clarify things for myself, and using the term “narcissist” helped me understand that I had to stay away from them. It helped heal my wounds as well. I don’t give up hope that these “friends” will repent, but I’ve stopped waiting for it.

  8. On the other hand, even though these folks have made their way under our skin, don’t you find that it’s way easier to spot new people in our lives with narcissistic characteristics? I just made a new friend recently who, in the course of the second time we spent time together, revealed her nature in a way that I see the red flag the first time rather than in hindsight. Of course, she also happens to make the best apple pie I have ever tasted — really, just incredible — that the whole push and pull is playing humorously within me. The warning signs and the worldly magnetism of this personality have never been more strikingly apparent to me than in this strange new person, as I have been able to observe without emotional investment. Question is, do I cut this person out now or enter with eyes open. Haha, all I hear is “RUN!”

    • Cassie

      Hahaha! Wonderful Kate! It certainly helps knowing what you’re getting in to. I had a friendship with someone like this, instead of apple pie it was snicker salad. I think for the non-narcissist, it’s harder to cut ties because we actually care about people…. RUN.

  9. Devon

    I can’t thank you enough for these posts. God is using you in a big way! I’m sitting here with tears in my eyes just praising God for the insight you have shared. Thank you!

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