It’s Narcissist Friday! (A little early)       


This time of year is so filled with emotions. Those who have lived in difficult relationships often find their emotions bouncing around like the pinball in the machine. Up, down—sad, happy—expectant, resigned—angry, joyful. The change of emotions can be wearing. Between the narcissists and our own guilt and the pressures of the days, we can get worn out. And when we get worn out, we can become depressed.

So, I have a single and simple message today: Believe!

The Lord loves you. He has not forsaken you. He has not forgotten you. I can’t tell you why you are on the path you are walking, but I can tell you Who walks with you. Even when you don’t feel His presence, He is there. He hears your cries in the night and knows your fears in the day.

And He loves you as a person. He loves who you are. You are not the things you have done or the relationships you have been in. You are His unique creation, special in so many ways. He accepts you and loves you. He has given all that is needed for you to be with Him forever.

The Christmas season proclaims a single call: Believe! The God who promised is the One who delivers. That baby in the manger is the fulfillment of the plan and promise of God for His people.

The end of the book of John says that there were many things Jesus did that are not recorded in the Bible. Many conversations, many healings, many words of wisdom. They couldn’t all be recorded. So the things that are recorded in the Bible must be the ones the Lord wants us to see and understand. One of my favorites, one of the stories that pushes aside the nice spiritual lesson and brings everything right down to where we live, is the story of the man whose son continually hurt himself because he was possessed by a demon. Jesus asked the father to believe for the healing, and the man spoke from our hearts, “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!”

Help my unbelief. In those moments and days and weeks when belief is hard because of the challenges of the day, Lord, help my unbelief.

I am praying for all of you through this Christmas season. May God protect you and encourage your hearts. He does love you!


Filed under Narcissism, Uncategorized

21 responses to “Believe!

  1. Rita Cizek

    Thank you very much. It just makes me feel undone that there really is someone out there who understands and prays for me. I don’t write or comment often, but your posts are devoured and pondered. God bless you with continued wisdom and grace to keep your own personal life ordered and your relationships thriving. Merry Christmas.

  2. Debbie D

    Thank you for this message-I needed a reminder of this today. Merry Christmas!

  3. Savedbygrace

    Thanks so much Dave- the Lord has been giving me a number of encouragements such as your post to help me not only ‘cope’ with Christmas and the ‘bouncing emotions’ but to fully ‘believe’ and appreciate His presence- which is after all what we celebrate- Immanuel -God with us.
    Thankyou for your faithful ministry- praying you will enjoy a refreshing and joy filled Christmas 🙂

  4. Thankyou Dave. It is Christmas Eve already in Australia. Almost 8am as I begin typing. I appreciate this timely reminder to pray…. “I believe, Lord help my Unbelief”. The damage that these situations cause to faith can be very profound. I feel bad sometimes when I doubt. I guess it is because those who have hurt me most have been the ones who say they are ‘Christians’. That is up to God to decide what they believe. I never thought anything could put my faith at risk but the nastiness of my ex was just too much. This Christmas I have tried to remain positive and embrace Christmas with my two (local) Grandchildren. Sharing in their joy and fun (age 7 and 3 ½ ). They helped put up my tree and decorated it, I took them to look at my Christmas lights on a sleepover… shopping with afternoon tea, fun craft activities. I am trying not to dwell on the past and the hurts. One technique I have tried to use is ‘when I find myself thinking and going over bits and pieces, STOP, get up (whether in bed, on chair etc) and GO AND DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT. It breaks the thought and helps me move on for that moment. For others reading this… it is 5 years since I walked away. Almost 4 years since the divorce, so I may be further in my journey than others. I was only married for 2 years 9 months, but the abuse was profound. My previous marriage was 30 years (4 children) and even after 18 years separated/divorced, I still feel sad at Christmas time. For it is always a reminder that our family unit is turn asunder… never to be reunited again. So this Christmas, I wish everyone some Peace and Love. Yes He is there loving us, even if we don’t feel it (as Dave said). I hope everyone finds comfort in the fact that when you (we) don’t feel loved by certain people in our lives (or the past), we are in fact loved by Jesus. Hey…. even people on this page love us…. even though unseen. We do show love and care for one another. Finally to Dave…. Have a Merry Christmas and a Peaceful and loving day with family and friends. Thankyou so much for your wise words for us to look forward to… Thankyou for your encouragement… and Thankyou that you care for those of us who hurt. Love in Jesus from Down Under. Annie

    • Celeste

      Annie, what you have written is so precious to me. It seems you continue, daily, to make healthy choices in your belief, in the lives of your grandchildren, in your thoughts. The loneliness and loss felt each Christmas, for the last 18 years is a tragic reality. I am so sorry. I pray, as you do, God help my unbelief.

  5. Boy, the sense from other people that those of us who’ve been in narcissistic relationships should “just move on,” as my was-band told me to do,certainly underestimates and denies the emotional and spiritual turmoil and world-turned-upside-down that we’ve gone through. I know I thought my former husband was a Christian, for 40 years, until he abruptly told me two days after our 38th anniversary that he was justified in having affairs with other women because I had a love affair with Jesus. Even though I’ve found a man who truly does love Jesus now, my former is still trying to control things by repeatedly trying to “annul” our marriage in the Catholic Church so he can have “God’s blessing” on what God clearly calls adultery. I pray God will send a powerful “NO!” again that he will finally hear. No joy in watchinga loved one go to perdition. BUT yes, God does love us, and His love trumps all others, even while we deal with the pain of the lost “what could have been’s.” I fought back for my self by publishing a devotional prayer journal of my journey into God’s heart. He does love lavishly and unconditionally when we turn to Him. Rose Vieira

  6. healingInHim

    Thank you for posting and confirming your prayers for the many broken-hearted. Although I KNOW in my heart that Christ is the all-sufficient One … I also grieve at how evil can destroy … much like Herod murdering the babies. 😦 Jealousies and pride have a way of doing that.
    “Thank you, Lord and help me and others to glorify Your Name amidst the loneliness. Surrounded by many but many who refuse to worship the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.”

  7. Thank you for posting this. It touches my heart to that you are praying for people you don’t know and that it makes a difference. I know it makes a difference because it touched me.

    I’m divorced 3 years now after 28 years married, and just celebrated one of our daughters weddings Sunday. I was stressed about wanting to be healed of the pain of divorce in time for the wedding. After I struggled and finally gave up that need/plan God Did it anyway. I had amazing peace of God to be able to really celebrate the wedding and not be distracted by by thoughts of my ex.

    Still seems wise to have activities planned for Christmas holidays.

  8. Ellery

    Thanks, Dave. Your post is timely and enlightening as usual. The emotionally charged Christmas holiday is an especially difficult one for families who have suffered narcissistic abuse. It’s something to get through, but we can do hard things.
    Wishing you a happy Christmas. Thanks for your prayers and all that you do.

  9. Allison

    What a wonderful post! Very much needed, you spoke straight to my heart❣Thank you, and keep up your good work. Merry Christmas!

  10. Thank you for sharing so much of your wisdom , your heart, your time and your prayers to help and encourage those of us who had been through so much devastation in our relationships.Your ministry to the afflicted is genuine and it shows. May you be refreshed and restored during this Christmas Season and into the upcoming year.

  11. It is as if the Lord were speaking directly through you to me, at just the right time for this message. I am overwhelmed by how personal this is for me, and what deep encouragement it brings at a time that I have been so deeply discouraged about everything you mentioned in your post. Thank you for letting God use you to be such a blessing. I am so grateful that God is seeing and that He knows,,,,for I have been doubting so deeply in so many ways. God Bless you!

  12. These are beautiful thoughts to remember. There is so much love around on Christmas Eve night, I feel it especially strongly. There is a deep love waiting to embrace us we only have to open our hearts and our minds to it. God bless you.

  13. noel6119

    I sit here very early on Christmas morning. My family and I spent a wonderful Christmas Eve together. After a 45 year marriage, my ex and I went our separate ways 9 years ago. I have tried my best to keep our family’s traditions going strong. He doesn’t see them at Christmas. He sees them about twice a year, once when he comes home from his winter home and once before he returns to it. He is married to his previous mistress since 6 mo. after our divorce.

    The one thing that has constantly sustained me through this all is God’s love. When I am in my greatest pain, that is what I try to focus on. I just hope that my children and grand children are learning what true love is all about.

    • healingInHim

      noel6119 — Wish I could talk and pray with you. I am sustained by God’s love and strength but do not have viable support. Oh, I have several who say ‘get out of there’ …but where do I go? My siblings and adult children are deceitful and a major part of the sin which the man I married is taking advantage of … knowing I truly have no where to go. All live far away and we are in a small semi-remote community and the local churches have also been very hard on me, thus I depend on the internet for sermons and sound Biblical teaching. Ministries like this and A CRY FOR JUSTICE provide insight but it would be an answer to prayer to have just one flesh and blood believer who can really come along side.
      I continue to pray that God will just make it so clear what the next step should be. I’m still here but we live separately and pass each other without a word. This is exactly what he has always wanted; is to shut me up.
      It really hurts to know that the children favour him …
      Here I am Christmas morning … yes, I will receive emails from the children with photos but they will only spend a couple of hours with me each year when they come back into the community. They don’t stay over night but choose to stay with others. They have chosen to be secular at Christmas and my grandchildren will not learn the true meaning of Christianity or of Christmas / Easter unless God chooses to do a mighty work … and of course, He can.
      I have been forbidden to discuss certain issues and can not mention much about the Christian faith without receiving a ‘silence’. This is heartbreaking after raising the children with the Word since they were born. The man I married now admits he is not a true Christian and after several false professions of faith has realized he just can’t ‘act it out anymore’, however, many in the community think he is just so nice because he is quiet and carries himself ‘nicely’. The sexual (physical) and emotional abuse were covered very well by me and only a few believe my story. Forgive me for going on and on …
      “Dear Lord. Mighty God and Redeemer of those who truly repent and bow the knee. Please help all the vulnerable in Christ – dishonoring relationships. Please help us to bring glory to You alone. This is an earnest prayer from many. You know that, Lord. How great and awesome are Your ways and I will praise You forever.”

      Quoting only one verse but all of Psalm 27 brings much comfort:
      The LORD is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The LORD is the defense of my life; Whom shall I dread? Psalm 27:1

  14. noel6119

    Is there any way that you can leave? It would be wonderful for you to be able to do that. It would be good for you to be around like minded people. The stress of living under those conditions has to be unhealthy for you. I would keep a connection going with my children even though they don’t see his ways, they may someday.

    Lucky for me mine see their father for what he is. Even though we all still love him, we are wiser now. I called in our minister when things got unbearable and later he pointed out to me that there was a personality disorder in the equation. I was not knowledgable about these things so I studied up and of course realized that there was pretty much no chance of him changing.

    Hopefully, you can start taking steps to leave and next year this time your story will be different.


    • healingInHim

      Thank you for your encouragement. You are right about being around like-minded people but that is very difficult to come in our present ‘evil age’.
      I’m trying to prepare for the future but also being very cautious to not fall into deeper despair. Although considered healthy I have developed some health issues and find myself becoming quite exhausted. Stress probably doesn’t help?
      A move “out” is such an overwhelming thought but know that with God’s strength I can overcome this.
      Blessings to you and others who need to know that they are not forgotten.

  15. Pastor Dave
    Greetings from Northern Ireland. I can’t even remember how I came across your blog but I thank God I did. Thank you so much for this blog and your ministry. I have recently finished a two year relationship with a man who I now know exhibits significant narcissistic traits which has tested me in every way emotionally spiritually psychologically and this blog has been a lifeline for me in trying to make sense of our dynamics, what is happening in me and ultimately allowing me to leave the relationship. Thank you for the constant reminder that a godly relationship brings life not trauma-and that Jesus truly is the Bread of Life, Living Water and Prince of Peace. Pray you and your family have a fantastic 2016.

  16. Pam Kaan

    Hi,  i am looking for the recent blog in which you wrote about how the N sees interaction with some people as valuable and others as not. Do you know which one I am speaking of, and what its title was?  I (thought) I had saved all of the blogs for reference!  Thanks, Pressing on to know Him,     (Hosea 6:3) Pam

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