Christmas Prayers

It’s Narcissist Friday Wednesday!     

 

I have written a couple of Christmas posts on dealing with the narcissists in the past. They usually meet with mixed reviews because some who have reached the point of anger (a very natural point!) don’t like my suggestions on trying to get along. I understand and value the objections just as much as the words of appreciation. I will provide links to those posts at the end of this post.

This year I would simply like to assure each of you who have to deal with uncomfortable situations with your narcissist that there are people praying for you. I am also going to post this on Wednesday, so you will know ahead of your visit.

If we have learned anything here, it’s that many people are struggling in narcissistic relationships. That means you are not alone. I know you may have to physically be alone in your situation, but there are people here who believe you and care. We will be praying for you.

To make that a little more personal, I invite those who desire prayer to write a note in the comments. You don’t have to write a lot, just “Pray for me!” If you use a pseudonym, that’s okay. The Lord knows who you are and what you are going through. And if you are able to pray, maybe just once or twice over the weekend, write a comment that says, “I will be praying for you!” Just a general comment, not in answer to a particular request. It will be a wonderful word of encouragement.

So, again, here’s the plan:

 

If you need prayer, write – Pray for me!

If you can pray, write – I will be praying!

 

If you are uncomfortable asking for prayer, please know that we will still be praying for you.  Even if no one asks, we know that many will need help.  So we will pray anyway.  For you.

Know that you are loved!

 

https://graceformyheart.wordpress.com/2014/12/19/what-will-he-or-she-do-this-christmas/

https://graceformyheart.wordpress.com/2013/12/20/the-narcissist-at-christmas/

125 Comments

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125 responses to “Christmas Prayers

  1. Michelle

    Pray for me please 🙂

    • PRAISE GOD FOR PASTOR DAVE!!!!!! I just found out from an email he sent me (regarding a guest post I may do here in the near future about the relationship between narcissistic abuse and PTSD), that he was in a very bad traffic accident earlier this month, and he survived with no serious injuries!!!

      Here is an excerpt from Dave’s email, which was sent on December 17 (yes, I am way behind on reading emails):

      “Please forgive me for not responding. I had a serious car accident a week and a half ago (think upside down on the side of the interstate). Coming home at night from the airport on icy roads. Miraculously, I wasn’t hurt except for a few scratches and bruises. Totaled my truck, though. So things have been a little crazy around here.”

      Those icy Colorado mountain roads tried to take our wonderful Pastor Dave Orrison out before his appointed time, but the Lord saved him!!! Please everyone, pray for a special hedge of protection around Dave and his entire family, including his church family.

      Thank You, Lord Jesus, and thank you, fellow believers and sister and brother survivors of narcissistic abuse. I am praying for everyone here who has left a prayer request in the comments, as Dave suggested, and I have reblogged this post and miracle report on my blog, A Blog About Healing From PTSD.

      However, I am also putting this comment as close to the top here as I can get it, so more people will see it and PRAY FOR PASTOR DAVE.

      Merry Christmas and may God bless us all! ❤ ❤ ❤

      • Penny

        O my word–just logged in and saw this! I am sooo thankful for Pastor Dave and for God sparing him. Ps. Dave also survived the Thompson Canyon Floods a few years back, and it makes me wonder if the enemy finds him threatening as he exposes the falsehoods of narc-dom??? But our gracious Father has need of Pastor Dave! There but for the grace of God…

      • Amen! The enemy comes to rob, kill, and destroy, but Christ came to give us life abundantly. There is no weapon formed against one of God’s own that can prosper. Praise be to the Lord Jesus!

  2. Klattinasbcglibal.net

    Pray for me, Kim. Difficult but necessary legal separation, meetings with mediator and councellors, after 8 years of his adultery and wrath. Ending 39 years of marriage where his narcissism went to a worse dark place after grown kids left. I have given this everything, time to get out.
    And I will pray for you.

  3. Joy Cooke

    Please pray for be as I will be praying for you ! Thanksgiving was bad enough with what my ex- narc did to my daughter and myself so praying he skips Christmas in trying to ruin every holiday as much as possible ! Even with doing no contact in my end , it sets him off worse and he targets my daughter ! Thanks !

    • Elizabeth D

      Thanks to Pastor Dave for the community. I rarely post, but have gotten sooo much understanding from your shared wisdom.

      I will pray for others, especially Joy, with you in mind. I have 3 daughters and an ex, and can relate so well. I was abruptly no-contact when he was forcibly removed from my home almost 2 years ago, and have been fortunate to maintain no direct (& little other) contact even through legal proceedings and such. But I know what you mean about targeting the daughter(s) … this has happened to us, too. I hope and will pray for a peaceful holiday for you … maybe in his absence, or just regardless of his efforts.

    • I can relate so much. My ex targets me during the holidays. Fighting to not let it steal my joy. Praying for you and your daughter.

  4. Pray for me Please.
    And, I will be praying for others as well ❤
    May your Christmas Be Blessed ❤

  5. Please pray for me. I will be praying for all of you! Many blessings, good health and happiness in the coming year! ~robin

  6. karebrad

    Pray for me!!!!

  7. Jmom

    This was a brilliant idea, Pastor Dave. Yes, please pray for me and my adult children. I’ll be praying for all of you!

  8. Diana

    Yes, thank you. Please pray for me. I’ve felt sick to my stomach the last few days anticipating what might occur; but knowing it’s impossible to anticipate what the N might do. God please keep us all focused on you and your life-giving power.

  9. Susan

    Please pray for me. I’m feeling lifeless, empty, spent. I will be moving into an apartment with my daughter tomorrow. What an interesting time of year for things to come to a head. My husband says I choose my daughter over him. He tells me other people see this as well. Of course, these select people only hear his side. He knows repeating comments to me from others will hurt me. It does. The emptiness and sadness I feel is overwhelming. After many years of marriage, things got worse as the kids became young adults. It’s hard to believe what has happened. He is a pastor and that is especially hard to comprehend. Thank you for praying.

    • Rachel

      You have chosen your daughter’s wellbeing!
      What a good choice!
      Praying for you, dear friend in this community,
      May God bless you and your family this Christmas xx

  10. JD

    Pray for me. I am praying for you.

  11. Brian Van Eaton

    Pray for me! Please, Please pray for me!
    I will pray for you as well this day!
    BVE

  12. Cora

    yes, please pray for me … and I will pray also

  13. Margo

    Please pray for me as I will also be praying for all of you❤️

  14. tess

    please pray that I will be able to get over the loss of my Jezebelian friendship…..which is harming me.
    thank you

  15. Pamela Kay

    God Bless you each one. You have my love and prayers. I need some prayers too. I have just come out of an extreme two day intense battle myself, to finally see the light of day again. I believe that not only are we all fighting our own battles with this spirit, but our country is also fighting for its life in a very similar way. Jezebel in our country has taken a huge hit, but she is trying to rise up yet again, and fight to win. This is clearly a spiritual war that we are all in. I am so glad I got connected with this group. Shalom Blessings upon each one of you; those who have replied so far, and all who will, and all those who are associated with this group. Love & hugs, Pamela Kay

  16. Georgette

    Pray for me.
    Praying for all of you! God’s shield of protection from the enemy be over all of you; over your mind, hearts, will and emotions. That you may feel Jesus’s loving arms around you during this extremely difficult day and days a head. That through this time you will sense his presence and know that he is there with you protecting you, loving you. Understand that all of us bloggers are here praying and loving each one of you even though we can’t be there physically for you we all care about each other.

    I just wanted to share this link one more time. At the bottom of this link is prayers you can pray over yourself and members of your family for protection. Say the prayer out loud before you have to make contact with the N, before seeing the lawyer, mediator, counselors.

  17. Pamela Kay

    A Beautiful Christmas song for you:

    “Let There Be Peace on Earth”….Christmas song sung by Vince Gil and a child–likely his daughter. God has been putting this song on my heart for a month or more. I finally went to find it and have so enjoyed this. It is very fitting at Christmas, and all year around too 🙂 “Merry Christmas” to you all. Love, Pamela Kay

    “We are Overcomers by His Blood and the Word of our testimony….” Rev. 12:11

  18. Pray for me, please. And I will be praying.

  19. Pamela Faro

    Please pray for my friend. Also- there must be two “Pamela Kay’s” because the posts above were not mine. (Wish I could take credit though!1

    • Pamela Kay Shalom

      Oh, giggles…I am Pamela Kay also. I thought the Kay would mark the distinguishing difference, as I noticed another Pamela on a previous post a couple weeks ago. I can write Pamela Kay Shalom if that helps. I have sort of given myself the nick name of Shalom as my last name anyway 🙂 This is my faith way of calling myself into God’s PEACE at all times. Blessings to you Pamela Kay from the other Pamela Kay 🙂 Pamela means “all honey love”, and Kay means “Rejoice” 🙂 However, I will say I have had to learn some of God’s tough Love too, in order to survive. 🙂

  20. I will be praying for you. God is loving, faithful and true. He will bring you through whatever you are facing, as He did for me. May you find Joy in God’s love this Christmas!

  21. Libby Vaughan

    Pray for me. Almost 3 years of terror. Every day I ask myself “is this really my life?” Thank God for the people who love me. I read this post every single Friday! Thank you.

  22. Please pray for me…
    I will be praying for others as well!
    Thank you! Merry Christmas

  23. Charis

    Please pray for me and I will also be praying for of you. Thank you!

  24. Selma

    A Collect for Peace (1979 Book of Common Prayer)

    O God, who art the author of peace and lover of concord,
    in knowledge of whom standeth our eternal life,
    whose service is perfect freedom:
    Defend us, thy humble servants,
    in all assaults of our enemies;
    that we, surely trusting in thy defense,
    may not fear the power of any adversaries;
    through the might of Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

    • Pamela Kay Shalom

      Selma, What a fitting and Beautiful prayer !! Thank you for sharing this. YES & AMEN, LORD, may this be so for each person connected to this group. Thank YOU, JESUS !!

  25. Tee3

    Please let pray for my sons 21 and 19, to be able to stand up to their N father. Thank you.
    Tee3

    • Pamela Kay Shalom

      Father, hear Tee3’s cry and strengthen her 21 and 19 year old to Stand Strong in YOU and in emotional strength, with their N father. I also pray this for my own 5 grandchildren of various ages to be able to Stand in emotional Strength in YOU, as well to be able to forgive their earthly father. I read this phrase on a recent Ransomed Heart devotional: Forgiveness says: “It was wrong, it mattered, and I release you.” This releases our children and this releases us into Freedom. THANK YOU, JESUS !!!

  26. mls

    We arent together. That’s good but I dont know if I will ever stop loving him. So that is still painful. Yes. Prayers appreciated.

    • Pamela Kay Shalom

      mls, I pray that God so fill your heart to overflowing with His Great LOVE for YOU that you have no sense of loss any longer, and are Free to move on with your heart. I pray for this one who has captivated your heart, that he too would somehow face the Living God and be Redeemed by the Blood of the Lamb and into transformation of wholeness. This prayer is NOT to give you ANY false hope, but to bring salvation, wherever it is possible. We THANK YOU, LORD JESUS !! For YOUR MARVELOUS GRACE and Healing POWER to all who will receive it !!! I pray this too for all those still hurting and feeling great loss this Christmas season for all their relationship losses. God have Mercy and Fill us all with YOUR GREAT JOY and Peace. Shalom ~ Shalom to all.

  27. Adele

    Pray for me! I have gone no contact and expect to be contacted by text or voicemail. Either one of those two, even if it is just a “Merry Christmas” message, can cause me to feel sad. It’s still uncomfortable to be no contact, but I know it is best for my mental health and peace.

    Thank you, and the Lord be with you.

  28. Bobby

    My prayer for all of us that suffer in these relationships is that we stand in His power, and not let their disease destroy us. May our hearts be touched by the child Jesus…and may we still shine and pass His love along freely.

  29. Jenny

    Please pray for me and my 2 children, thank you and God bless you

  30. Yes I need prayer to get past unconditional love from God to the N who dumped me, then has tried twice to ” annul” our 38 year marriage so he can get ” God’s blessing” in his marriage to a Catholic woman who knows he was abusuve and adulterous . The Church ( we weren’t Catholic) said no twice and won’t accept his petitions again, so he’s trying to control God now. I hate to see him go to heck and have prayed for his salvation for seven years. I need God’s help to truly let go so he stops breaking my heart. I can’t save him- only a miracle can, and I’ve seen so many in my life. Aargh! I hate Satan!

  31. grace551

    I will pray.

    Good idea, Pastor Dave. You are a great blessing.

  32. David Lesniak

    Pray for me and I will be praying for folks visiting this wonderful site.

  33. Beverley

    I posted this on my private FB page, Dec 19th… As I pray for others, I sincerely covet prayers.
    My FB post: ”
    As I post about the Christ of Christmas and trusting in Him … I now come to my friends coveting prayers for God’s wisdom.
    I am caught in a web of abusers who continually attack me for not being a part of the family. My main reason for drawing away is because they are mean and lie in order to cover up lies. There is so much more that was contained in a so-called loving Christmas Card from a very jealous sister.
    “Dear Lord, give me the strength to stand strong for You. The personal accusations are because You chose me and saved me from eternal damnation and in return I renounced my Roman Catholic upbringing that did not bring glory to You.”

    I have some busy days ahead at work; throughout the Christmas weekend. Praying I can truly focus on glorifying God amidst the pain of abandonment by husband, children, family and fair-weather friends.”

  34. Abbi

    Please pray for me. Narc SIL makes holidays as uncomfortable as possible. Lots of anxiety for me.

  35. ellie2013

    Please pray for me. I am praying y’all can feel tge Joy that I can no longer feel.

  36. Rachel

    Please pray for me as I spend Christmas without three of my four young children thanks to N lies.
    I will pray for you all too.
    Prayers too please for Emma my friend who has a visit from her N sister who is very controlling and unpleasant, thanks. She is already anxious about the visit.

  37. raswhiting

    My narcissict abuser is a “pastor”, thus spiritual abuse. We were advised to leave the church and did a few years ago. Tonight, when I drove by this church, their Wednesday night prayer meeting had many cars. The cynical words that tumbled out reflect the hurt and anger of having had to leave church and friends of 20 years or so. Being friendless is lonely. Prayers appreciated.

    On Wed, Dec 21, 2016 at 9:18 AM, Grace for my Heart wrote:

    > graceformyheart posted: “It’s Narcissist Friday Wednesday! I have > written a couple of Christmas posts on dealing with the narcissists in the > past. They usually meet with mixed reviews because some who have reached > the point of anger (a very natural point!) don’t l” >

  38. Willow Hawkrider

    Please pray for me. I am dealing with the death of my husband of 30 some years who was a covert N. I did not understand this until the last few years of our marriage and believed him when he said that all of our problems were mine. I see no point in taking away the person that many people lost (the kind man), so I am very alone in the complexities of my grief. He left me with journals that he wanted me to read and turned out to contain more curses than blessings…again laying everything at my feet. Although I miss him sometimes, much of my grief is for the time that we could have had together as friends but did not. My tears are often for the things I have to learn to overcome…feeling like a charity case, fighting the negative, worthless words he spoke and wrote. I am free from our marriage, but not free from the damage caused by his verbal and emotional abuse. Christmas is another “first” in the grief cycle…and the grief is acute in such a complex way. Thank you!

    • JD

      Burn the journals. Purge. It’s a new year and a blank page waiting to be written by you. He has returned to dust. Let him be blown away. This day belongs to you.

      • Willow Hawkrider

        The journals are long gone…I wanted no one else to see them. It is not as easy as it sounds to just blow away 30 years of verbal and emotional abuse. It requires examining everything I have come to believe about myself, weigh them against what God says and then work to form new neural pathways of truth over the lies. This is exhausting work. I’m doing it, but it’s not an overnight process anymore than healing from physical abuse would be.

        Also the thing about the journals is that he knew he was dying. He encouraged me to read them at the end of his life. He knew what they contained. He chose to leave behind blame and pain instead of the comfort he implied would be there. He wanted to be sure that I knew it was my fault even after he was gone…a most evil case of gas lighting.

        I loved this man and morphed and changed because I believed God was speaking through him. It’s a lot to process, but I will get there with Gods help!

      • Pamela Kay Shalom

        YES, this is so understandable, dear Willow. God be with you in special ways and lift you high above all of this. We look for a Miracle Christmas for all of us. New advancements in us, over all the destruction the enemy tries to send our way. He is defeated, in the Mighty Name of JESUS !! Hallelujah !! THANK YOU, LORD JESUS !!

      • Pamela Kay Shalom

        Hallelujah !!! 🙂

    • Georgette

      Willow: I can’t imagine the pain of mental, emotional, and psychological abuse that you have been through the past 30 years to top it off he reinforced the manipulation after his death. I pray that Jesus will comfort you and speak his love into the lies of the enemy. May Jesus continue to shine his light on the lies and give you peace and freedom. I’m praying that you find a wonder Christian counselor to help you process your pain.

      They say that there is a 99.9% that N’s do not change. Some might just before they die but it is unlikely. Your experience show how much denial of an N stays in rather than deal with the trauma of their childhood which is so sad.

      • Willow Hawkrider

        Thank you so much for your empathetic and gentle response. It was encouraging to have someone else acknowledge it is hard. Blessed be!

    • Savedbygrace

      Praying for you Willow x
      You are not alone
      You are loved

      His is not the last word. Praying that all those words he dumped on you will be truly gone along with the journals- that was an evil legacy to leave you and one that you are free to refuse. Your grief is so very complicated- praying God will provide a safe and wise person with whom you can debrief the years of abuse and stop the cycle of abuse even now. Willow, praying for cleansing and healing and a fresh sense of who you are as a child of God -unique and beautiful . Praying you will know the comfort of Jesus and that the wonder of ‘God with us’ will gift you with love, joy and peace in your heart this Christmas.

      Praying for you Willow x
      You are not alone
      You are loved

    • Pamela Kay Shalom

      Dear Willow, I am catching up on the posts here, and yours particularly touched my heart right now. May God touch you in a Special way and lift you High above all of this and Restore life to you in every way. I can’t help but think of the scripture in Rom. 8, that “All things work together for good to those who Love God and are called according to His Purpose.” The Lord is not wasting any of this in any of our lives, but causing us to come up higher, with greater than we would have ever known, had we not walked this painful journey. NOT all things are Good for sure; but I LOVE God’s Heart and Ability to make growth, overcoming power, and VICTORY in and through our lives. Our JOY is NOT dependent on others. THANK THE LORD for that. We find our JOY and delight in Him, and then He opens up Newness of Life before us. Praying God meets you today in a Very Special way, dear lady. Love to you in Christ Jesus !!

  39. Wow, I really needed to hear this. Yes I need prayer but I also need insight. I’m going through a very busy overwhelming time right now, temporary, but means to a better end. In the midst, my covert narcissistic husband just left town to care for someone else. He’s been doing this, and at a stressful time in my life has dropped the ball when he says he will do something, which then leads to a crisis for me. Having him leave now when he said he was going to do a number of things but didn’t due to other social plans and things he doesn’t have to be the hero for. I could have prevented the crisis had I asked someone else to help but he offered then left me in the dust to be a hero to someone else.

    What I want to hear from you, Dave, is what does it mean from the narcissist when you finally tell your narcissist husband you feel like the guy who was left for dead on the road and he’s one of the “good guys” who just walks by going off to a social life or situation where he’ll be the hero and canonized by all, you tell him that and he says nothing. Silence. He’s never gotten “in trouble” for “mean words” as who can fault “silence”. But isn’t the silence a statement? Perhaps one so horrific I can’t even hear it? There’s no words or comfort. No reaching out to heal or connect or apologize. Occasionally he’ll offer to do something which fixes the moment, I can’t fault the offer, then he’ll drop the ball. What I’m going through right now has me working so hard and near collapse but managing. Then he leaves and the Christmas dinner with my narcissist family which he said he’d contribute the main dish for, now falls to me, with less than 24 hours notice. My day was already booked. It’s just weird to get a “nothing” response. What does God say about this behavior and silence? Doesn’t it scream something else when you repeatedly sabotage someone, make the situation worse by not addressing things in a timely manner and you just have an “I don’t care what it does to you now that my lack of action has caused you to struggle harder” attitude? What is that? If you could put words to the silence so I could hear it, no matter how bad, I would be grateful as I could grieve the loss and go on. Not talking “divorce” as there are teen children involved, but I would be able to feel and hear what he isn’t saying. I guess I’d feel what one would feel if they were being told a swear word, cause it would make a lot more sense if I heard him scream vulgarities at me and could face his gross sin head on for what it is. But silence, it’s a very powerful tool to frazzle ones mind as you can’t pinpoint the disrespect.

    Thank you, Dave. Your prayers are appreciated for me to be calm as I go through a very busy end of the year. By the end of the first week of January I will be in a much better position back to my “normal” schedule. I’m always grateful for your thoughts and those of anyone else who wants to jump in!

    Merry Christmas Everyone!

    • Georgette

      Yes, Pastor Dave, what is the silent treatment to an N? My ex-N did that and it about drove me crazy. I think he did it for control. The thrill of total control of seeing you squirm, making you wonder what you did to cause the silent treatment. His second wife he said was abusive because he would give the silent treatment and she would hit him. She eventually caved in and gave him sex and then everything was okay till the next silent treatment.

      Is it their way of cussing you out and screaming vulgarities at you but not verbalizing it? This way they can say that they never treated you badly?

      • Cecilia K

        Georgette, I’d say you probably nailed it!

      • Maya

        I think the silent treatment is meant to tell us that we do not matter. We are non-persons to the narcissist, just tools to be used and abused. It is too risky for them to speak because there may be consequences and they do not care anyway. Speaking is too much trouble. Silence is very effective as a weapon.

    • Maya

      He is not to be depended upon. Ever. It pleases him and makes him feel powerful to leave you in the lurch. My ex did this and I learned to NEVER ask him for anything or accept an offer of help, because it ALWAYS led to disappointment. This is a classic trait of the passive-aggressive personality disorder, but our abusers go way beyond this behavior to actually try and inflict insidious harm upon us. You can protect yourself and your mental health by disengaging emotionally with him. It is the only way to live with a narcissist. God Bless you and your children.

      • Gratefully Yours

        Bless you, Maya. Your words were right on and I will abide by them.

        Yesterday God helped me see your view by sending an “angel” girlfriend who assisted me through an insanely busy day. As we overcame each “mini-crisis” I realized we were living the story of the Good Samaritan which shed’s light on narcissism! For when I am down and needing help narcissists are like those who walk by and, instead of helping, draw attention to themselves by making my problem worse with false promises, negative jabs, silence and absence. They throw emotional rocks on hurting souls as they make their way to a more worthy audience and applause.

        Second Corinthians 11:14 says “Satan disguises himself as an angel of light” and narcissists use the same ploy to deceive. Like a wolf in sheep’s clothing, looking the part then deceiving, they offer help then hurt. Satan was a glorified angel who didn’t seek to help others but sought more glory for himself and that’s the spirit of narcissism. I won’t be taken again. Thank you for helping me see.

    • Pamela Kay Shalom

      God Bless you, dear woman. May the Holy Spirit Helper step up to the plate and Work Wonders this day and tomorrow in your life, giving you a Victorious, Overcoming Miracle !! Hallelujah to the Lamb of God and the Heart of Christmas !! YES, what you are experiencing is deadly abuse !! No mistaking that !!! May God guide you in GREAT Wisdom and Understanding in how to NOT allow this kind of thing to touch your heart any longer. Miracle Christmas Blessing to you, dear one.

      • Maya

        Gratefully Yours: Thank you Sweetheart for your kind words. I think I have been in your shoes and I completely empathize with your situation. My ex was not emotionally “there” for me, so when I had a crisis, or some problem, he seemed to be pleased about it. And then would do what you are referring to, by turning the spotlight onto himself. He always had an issue larger than mine. The focus had to be on him. I am alone now, but my life is calm. People tell me I was always alone while married, anyway. My ex and I rarely went anywhere together; he refused to be part of my life outside our home. Then he blamed me continually that we were not closer. He made excuses for not loving me sexually, and then put the blame on me when I discovered his affair. I loved him until the day he left me and for a long time afterward. The healing took a year or so with God dealing with me constantly, many tears and crying out.
        I can see now that God removed my ex from my life for my good; he truly was evil, and under the influence of Satan, “disguised as an angel of light”. Recently, God has placed a good Christian man in my life, someone who is healthy and loves Jesus. It has been a sweet revelation from God to understand that I am still a beautiful person, worthy of love and respect and admiration. The narcissist has a way of stealing our self-esteem, making us think it is all our fault.
        You hang in there with God. He will absolutely see you through. Just seek first the Kingdom. He will bless you abundantly.

    • Toby

      Having discovered my Dad and Uncle both suffer with NPD and that I have ‘inherited’ the same disorder was quite a shock as I have been a Christian since High School (with all the bells and whistles) and couldn’t work out why I destroyed everyone around me until now. Anyway, the ‘silent treatment’ has always been my Dad’s default mode when challenged…and it became mine, too. Here is a link that has helped me and my wife understand ST a bit better. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Silent_treatment

      Being open to the conviction of the Holy Spirit and daring to be vulnerable enough to own my criminal behaviour allows me and others to be in the Light regarding any issues and discover cleansing, forgiveness and healing. I’ve a way further to go, but as Dave has said, ‘Down is the way up!’ This article (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/sex/10020662/Silent-treatment-how-to-snap-him-out-of-it.html ) referenced in the link above goes some way to offering advice, but I am certain only the LORD can truly bring about transformation both in the abuser and (+ healing) for the victim(s).

      • Pamela Kay Shalom

        Thank you for this, Toby. May God Bless you in every way. You are an inspiration to us all. Blessings….

  40. Sally Craig

    please pray for my family…..we will also be praying for others. Thanks.

  41. Sally Craig

    please pray for me ..thanks…I will be praying for others..

  42. CC

    Please pray for me…my husband is back at rehab. I am at the end of my rope. I will pray for others. God bless

  43. Patricia

    I’ll take any and all prayers, And I’m sending prayers for all of us!

  44. Phoebe

    I will be praying!

  45. Mary Charles Carroll

    Pray for me. I have gone NC with my NPD mother and brother for two and a half years but recently they have called and sent texts using twisted lies and guilt to pull me back into being in contact with them. I don’t know what to do. I am damned if I do contact them, and damned if I do not contact them.
    Thank you. I am blessed by this blog.
    I will be praying for others too.

    • Annette

      Mary Charles Carroll, what you describe is a narcissistic tactic called “hoovering”. Reading up on this tactic might help you in your situation.

      • Annette, Your reply to Mary Charles Carroll has been valuable to me. I am also being guilted because I have tried to remain no-contact with three older emotionally abusive siblings. This is added to the fact that the man I married no longer wants to be my husband but will not divorce me because it would cost him too much. He is fine with him living upstairs and me down … we literally walk by each other and do not talk but write notes too each other. After 38 years, he finally got what he wanted which was to keep me silent. Sadly, the adult children and their spouses condone this behaviour. They live far away and have never come back ‘here’ blaming me for much of the tension. They spend most of their time with ‘his’ family.

        And then, my sister is a very jealous person but I never realized just how jealous she was until all the lies and snide remarks have seeped out after both parents have passed on. She had done this when her husband is not around … and my brothers support her; it’s crazy making and one doctor told me I should write a book.
        Although, I have attempted to maybe divorce and move out; there has been several incidents which made this not come about. I do not know what the Lord has ultimately planned? He knows I am at times physically and emotionally weak. Getting somewhat stronger but at my age I’m not sure what He wants me to do as I do not have a strong support system in way of friends that can really help and guide me.
        I apologize for the lengthy reply but this reference to ‘hoovering’ already has me researching.
        Thank you.

  46. Savedbygrace

    please pray for me
    praying for you…

    ” Have no anxiety about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will keep your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians4:6-7

  47. Jo

    Please pray for me, I will be praying for all of you.
    I think that the point in my life now, at this moment, is rock bottom. It has been for a very long time, but over the last few years, I’m just realizing it, little by little. All of the horrible ways my children and I have been treated , for years, that was drilled into my head , that it was all of my fault or theirs. My parasite. Mine and my kids lives are permanently effected by this man, who lays there day in and day out, while life wonderfully drifts by with ease. With his whole harem , including me, that caters to , and walks on eggshells for. This man, who belongs in a mental institution , that has completely sucked every ounce of life that I have left in me. This entitled , lying , delusional , freak of nature, living in a fantasy land. This man who years ago, made my son who was 7 at the time, go get a shotgun and bring it to him, because he was going to “Shoot your mothers head off” all over a shirt I was wearing. That and a countless number of things that we have had to put up with from this parasite on a daily basis.
    Why did I put my kids through that, and why am I still with this life sucking, disgusting leach.
    Please pray for me and my kids. I don’t know what day it is half the time anymore. I feel like a zombie, a worthless creature taking up space in the world. I want to leave, but I don’t have the strength confidence, or resources to do so. I’m trapped where I live, with no license, no car and nowhere to go even if I did leave.
    I’m consumed by hatred towards him, sometimes I think I could burst into flame at even the sound of his footsteps.
    Over the years I have slowly started to leave God out of my life. I have no relationship with him, and I stopped caring about everything. The one that loves me and my kids the most, is the one who I abandoned along the way. I’m struggling in my walk with God, even though that’s my number one desire. To live the life that God wants for me and my kids, for him. Its the one thing I think about all of the time, but do nothing about. I feel like a nutcase going on a crazy rant that makes no sense.
    I have never asked anyone to pray for me accept my mother. But I think I need prayer now, more than I ever had in my life.
    I guess this is what I want prayer for.
    For me to start putting God first in my life for mine and my kids sake.
    To surround myself and my kids with good people, who love God that can help me save my kids, before its too late.
    For me not to give up.
    For me to have the strength to leave, and start living my life the way God wants me to.
    Thank you everyone, you will be in my prayers.

    • SB

      Praying right now for you Jo to know God’s freedom His strength at the core of your selfhood to see His Light to be renewed by living water and fed by the bread of life. You can do this you are loved sister

    • Jo, As I read your comment my heart broke for you. I’m guessing you and I are nearly the same age. If not, we are definitely at nearly the same point in life. Our stories are similar. I really want to connect with you because I have been at that low point. I remember driving in my car one day and I had chills of terror because I realized how depressed I was and that my husband would gloat if he knew how deep his hate was penetrated into my mind and body. Let’s lean on one another through this because I have a feeling most of the people in your life have no idea what you are going through emotionally. I have so much to say about this. That “stuck” feeling is horrible. It feels like your life is over and nothing will ever change for you. Just know that the things he has said and done to you are keeping you where you are. We tend to get tunnel vision when we are in pain and It is crippling. You cannot see a way out and that is exactly what your husband did to you and that is what he wants. He most likely isn’t able to voice that even if he thought about it (which he never will). He just knows that you are trapped and he’s responsible. The most immediate thing you can do to start your way out of this is to meditate. I can help you with this. Sounds simple and strange but I promise your life will start to change. It is so hard at first because all the hurt and pain needs to come to the surface and be flushed out. You’ll realize that he’s surely not the only narcissist in your life and that at most you have one or two genuine people in your circle. This is the devastating part of healing because you’ll find the reasons why you were never able to stand up for yourself and you’ll start to link people and events leading up to where you are now. YOU WILL GET ANGRY. SO GET ANGRY.CRY. GET IT ALL OUT. Once you get through this part everything will start to improve.You will be able to see yourself as you probably never have at any point in your life. Please be strong and know that you are waking up from this nightmare because YOU HAVE TO LIVE YOUR LIFE”S PURPOSE and you can’t even see yourself as being someone so important that God would wake you from this and pull you out of it. That IS what is happening. You are searching for answers and reaching out. You won’t be able to turn back now because you aren’t blind anymore. I want to help you through this because I had no one.

    • Pamela Kay Shalom

      Praying for you, dear Jo. God has heard your cry. He knows your pain. He is your Answer, and He will make Himself known to you and heal your wounded soul. He LOVES you dearly !! Shalom Blessings this day and in this season.

  48. KayJay

    Please pray for me. I am praying for you all.

  49. I’m so tired after over 50 years, but I continue to pray the fear and darkness will be banished. Please pray for me. I will pray for you.

  50. Maya

    I am praying for you all. Merry Christmas!

  51. Reblogged this on A Blog About Healing From PTSD and commented:
    PRAISE GOD FOR PASTOR DAVE!!!!!! I just found out from an email he sent me (regarding a guest post I may do here in the near future about the relationship between narcissistic abuse and PTSD), that he was in a very bad traffic accident earlier this month, and he survived with no serious injuries!!!

    Here is an excerpt from Dave’s email, which was sent on December 17 (yes, I am way behind on reading emails):

    “Please forgive me for not responding. I had a serious car accident a week and a half ago (think upside down on the side of the interstate). Coming home at night from the airport on icy roads. Miraculously, I wasn’t hurt except for a few scratches and bruises. Totaled my truck, though. So things have been a little crazy around here.”

    Those icy Colorado mountain roads tried to take our wonderful Pastor Dave Orrison out before his appointed time, but the Lord saved him!!! Please everyone, pray for a special hedge of protection around Dave and his entire family, including his church family.

    Thank You, Lord Jesus, and thank you, fellow believers and sister and brother survivors of narcissistic abuse. I am praying for everyone who has left prayer requests, as Dave invited them to do, in the comments on his post.

    Comments are closed here, please visit Pastor Dave’s blog and give him some encouragement. Merry Christmas, and may God bless us everyone! ❤ ❤ ❤

  52. lmn

    Please pray for me. Lots of changes in my life these past 18 months and they are more painful during the holiday season. Praying for Pastor Dave and his family and for the rest of you as well. May you peace and joy of Christ fill you this Christmas in spite of your circumstances.

  53. IMPORTANT MESSAGE ABOUT PASTOR DAVE NEEDING PRAYER:

    At the risk of being way too redundant, I am going to post again, here at the bottom of this long line of great comments, what I have just posted near the top. If Pastor Dave gets a chance to approve the comment I just made when I reblogged this post a few minutes ago, then the following comment will be posted here 3 times. I am sorry, I just want as many people as possible to see this. (When you reblog a post, it inserts the link to your blog in the comment, which is why it has to be moderated. With everything that Dave has happening in his life right now, he may not get a chance to approve my reblog comment.)

    Here is what’s going on:

    PRAISE GOD FOR PASTOR DAVE!!!!!! I just found out from an email he sent me (regarding a guest post I may do here in the near future about the relationship between narcissistic abuse and PTSD), that he was in a very bad traffic accident earlier this month, and he survived with no serious injuries!!!

    Here is an excerpt from Dave’s email, which was sent on December 17 (yes, I am way behind on reading emails):

    “Please forgive me for not responding. I had a serious car accident a week and a half ago (think upside down on the side of the interstate). Coming home at night from the airport on icy roads. Miraculously, I wasn’t hurt except for a few scratches and bruises. Totaled my truck, though. So things have been a little crazy around here.”

    Those icy Colorado mountain roads tried to take our wonderful Pastor Dave Orrison out before his appointed time, but the Lord saved him!!! Please everyone, pray for a special hedge of protection around Dave and his entire family, including his church family.

    Thank You, Lord Jesus, and thank you, fellow believers and sister and brother survivors of narcissistic abuse. I am praying for everyone who has left prayer requests, as Dave invited them to do, in the comments on this post.

    Merry Christmas and may God bless us all! ❤ ❤ ❤

  54. Please pray for me for strength this Christmas and I am praying for all of you!

  55. Pray for me,.I’m Praying.

  56. UnForsaken

    Pray for me. I am praying.

    Merry Christmas to all ! God Bless you, Pastor Dave. ❤

  57. Rosie Schwartz

    I will be praying!!!
    Isaiah 53 ” Fear thou not, for I am with you!”

  58. I am praying, but could use your prayers, too.

  59. Thank you for praying! It is impossible to describe the emotional whallop of dealing with a narcissist to someone who doesn’t “get it.” Waiting for my kids to come back to me, realized the narcissist withheld child support over Christmas, and digging in with everything I have to trust “the God who sees me.” Comforting to know there are those out there who are praying. I will be praying for you all, as well!

  60. I am praying for all of you, praising God for His great love and asking Him for strength and victory.

    • Pamela Kay Shalom

      YES & AMEN to this prayer from graceformyheart…..May this be a different & Very Lifting Christmas this year for everyone !! Thank YOU, LORD JESUS !! We Celebrate YOU and YOUR GOODNESS to us each one of us, that Over-rules all the evil plans of the enemy against us. Thank YOU, LORD, that YOU cause us to SOAR way ABOVE it all !! Hallelujah !!

  61. Seeing the Light

    Pray for me!

  62. Cecilia K

    How’s everyone doing this day after Christmas? How did your Christmases go?

    • Pamela Kay Shalom

      Well I had a Miraculous Amazing day of PEACE and JOY with the Narcissist on the 24th. I baked a chicken dinner and he played Christmas music all day for me 🙂 It so energized me that I did lots of work in my kitchen to that music. I can hardly stand to work in the kitchen normally, due to the negative atmosphere in there, so it gets neglected a lot for my survival sake. The sad part is that I am a kitchen woman. Then in the afternoon yesterday I got royally attacked…held my JOY ground well, and went on with my life. I was attacked again royally around 8:00 pm, and it took a couple of hours of private warfare to get the hooks of resentment and rejection out of me over that one, and then I went to bed for the LORD to heal me in the night. I woke refreshed and ready for a new day of LIFE for myself, in spite of all else 🙂 I choose to keep my heart open to LIFE and LOVE, while NOT receiving in the negativity. THANK YOU, JESUS !!!!! And Thank you all for praying. I pray everyone else’s Christmas went at least this well. THANK YOU, JESUS !!! Thank you Cecilia. How about your day ??

      • Cecilia K

        So glad to hear your Christmas Eve was at least peaceful, and that the Lord healed you so quickly from the Christmas Day attacks, Pamela Kay Shalom. My Christmas was very nice and relaxed, spent only with loving friends and family. I am blessed to not have to deal with my N anymore—we broke up about three years ago—but I do still miss him, for the days like your Christmas Eve that we sometimes had. But my heart goes out to those of you who Do still have Ns to deal with—both at holidays and every day.

  63. Sandra

    I will be praying!

  64. Being abused

    Please pray for me and my family. Thank you

  65. Lea Anna Curtis

    Lord, please help all those who have asked for prayers on here and also, those that just read , but didn’t comment, but are going through a very difficult time. I pray you would please wrap your arms around them and let them feel your love and please protect them and give them wisdom to know how to deal with their situation. Thank you, Lord. In the name of Jesus, I pray. We love you, Lord.

  66. rohi

    Please pray for me. Thank you

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