More Narcissists in Fiction

It’s Narcissist Friday!

“Listen, Kippy Jo, men like Earl Deitrich steal people’s dreams,  They have no creative vision of their own, no love, and no courage.  They envy people like you and Wilbur.  That’s why they have to destroy you.”  Heartwood, James Lee Burke, p. 167

As the author explains this to his character, he explains it to us.  He does nothing to solve the problem, but he puts into words the feelings we have.  Some of you know a person like Earl Dietrich, who steals dreams and destroys the hearts of others.  Some were raised by such a person.  Some have been married to such a person.  Some work for such a person.

You may have thought you were the only one who thought these thoughts.  They were too strong, you thought.  You tried to talk yourself out of labeling a person with those words.  But there they are, in print.  Someone else knows a narcissist.  You are not alone.

But the fiction writer is not better than you.  He or she might have thought about the issue more or in a different way, but that does not mean they are right.  In fact, the fiction writer may not be describing the true motivation of the narcissist at all.

In the quote above, the suggestion is that the evil character has no dream of his own.  But, of course, the narcissist does have a dream.  For most it is a single dream/goal made of many progressive smaller dreams.  The narcissist wants to be seen as the best—the smartest, the richest, the most powerful, the best looking, the most successful, the strongest, etc.  That dream is a fantasy, something the narcissist believes he will never truly attain.  Yet, he is driven toward that goal with every breath.

Your dreams do challenge the narcissist.  The fact that you can find contentment at any point lower than the top is something he cannot understand or accept.  He will not believe you.  He will not respect you.  And he will take your dream to help him achieve his own.  If you get hurt in the process, he doesn’t care.  In fact, he sneers at your obvious inferiority.

So, the “Earl Dietrich’s” of the world want you—need you—to respect/honor/serve them.  If they have to humble you to make you do that, they will.  If they can somehow use you or your accomplishments, they will.  And two things will happen: they will feel superior and they will think they are closer to their goal.

You may look at your narcissist and think he or she is quite creative and quite capable.  Most are intelligent and successful in life.  Just remember that they also serve a dream, and everything serves that dream.  Perhaps it is not very creative to have just one dream, but there is a dream.  The sad thing is the narcissist will never reach it.  No matter how much love and respect and attention are heaped on them, it will never be enough. 

The narcissist wants it all. 

6 Comments

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6 responses to “More Narcissists in Fiction

  1. Batya Ahul

    Another amazing post Pastor Dave, if you were raised by an “Earl Deitrich”, you’re some how magnetically drawn to other “Earl Deitrich” types even if you’ve moved 1/2 way around the planet to escape your toxic FOO.
    It took me many years to realise this was a subconscious attempt to try and repair the failed primary parent child relationship- and it continues to fail again & again & again….
    Finally I developed my narc radar, when I feel triggered by someone’s narcissistic tendencies, I will run a mile as fast as I can (if I can- @ work this isn’t always possible😩)!
    Funnily enough one of my first and most toxic “Earl Deitrich” types in the UK surname was actually Deitrich!

    • 2birdman2

      Batya… I appreciate, respect, and can relate to your response… my question to you is… how do you go about developing a narc radar?haven’t been able to tackle that yet:(

      • Batya Ahul

        Thanks 2birdman2. For your response, I’ll reply to it properly later – for those of you able to read this please pray for me and I’m at work (nurse in ITU)and having conflict with another nurse with high narcissistic tendencies And I’m in the process of trying to resolve what is essentially a misunderstanding -thank you for all you do Pastor Dave.

      • Batya Ahul

        Hi 2BIRDMAN2, sorry for my delayed response. I think I started to develop my “narc radar” when I was expecting my first child 9 years ago. I finally realised I needed to deal with childhood issues to prepare for motherhood & had some excellent Christian counselling. This helped me see that my cycle of negative friendships with what I now know are folk on the narcissistic spectrum, was most likely due to recreating my “normal” growing up in a narcissistic family.
        I deleted my account on a well known social media platform the day before my eldest was born (I’m not suggesting anyone else should😉) which helped immensely as I was finding that I was often triggered by some people who I’d been in negative relationships with & I had massive privacy concerns which in recent years have been shown to be valid. This may not have helped build the radar but blocked an important route that many with strong narcissistic traits will use to target- does that make sense?
        Lots of prayer, (especially for discernment) trying & failing to lean into Him, reading lots (scripture & non scripture) Pastor Dave’s wonderful weekly blog, have all helped immensely.
        Also very important was realising that many people display narcissistic behaviours but not all people are full blown narcissists- sometimes the radar can be a bit over sensitive…….I really hope that helps 😊

  2. Batya Ahul

    Thanks to 2birdman2 For your reply I will reply to it properly later, for those of you reading this please pray for me as I am at work (nurse in ITU)and have a conflict with another nurse with narcissistic tendencies over a misunderstanding. Please pay for resolution, thank you for you do Pastor Dave 😎

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