Monday Grace

It’s Monday Grace!

That’s right! A new day of the week with a new message of encouragement for you. Each Friday I write about some aspect of narcissistic abuse, hoping to keep the message positive and encouraging. But talking about the struggle can be draining in itself. And, frankly, once a week isn’t enough to deal with all I want to give. I want to talk about the love and practical help God has for you in Jesus. I want to give you something to hold onto as you step into the week.

There is a good message for all of us. Even in the midst of the daily grind, the struggle, there is hope and promise. In fact, there is joy. Those who look to Jesus find a real Person who loves them. One who will never leave and cannot be taken away. We all need love.

Now, as I have said many times in the past, I am a Christian pastor with a Christian message. I know that some readers have been burned by churches and Christians. That breaks my heart. I have suffered abuse from those who claimed to be God’s people as well. I understand that the trite and simple words often fall short in the light of the practice of many Christians. But I have found a way past the jargon and the phoniness to a real relationship with Jesus. I have found that love.

So, even if you can’t imagine ever returning to church, you are welcome—even encouraged—to read these simple posts. Even if you think most Christians are so full of themselves that there is no room for the Holy Spirit, you will find encouragement here. I won’t pretend to be something I am not, but I will offer you welcome and understanding. Here you can sit in the back row and slip out whenever you want. Here you are welcome to take what you can handle and leave the rest.

Some people have been lying. They say that God is angry with you. They say you don’t measure up. They say they have something you can’t have. They look down on you and want you to believe that God thinks like they do. Their brokenness and compromise is hidden in their attitude toward you. But they lie.

You are important. Right now, just as you are. I believe that God loves you. You are a unique creation made for relationship with Him. It is not His goal to punish you or make you miserable. He wants to show you His love. He is with you and knows your struggle. You are not alone.

I pray as I write these posts. I pray for you. I pray that you will find encouragement for your day and your week. I pray that you will know a little more of the truth. I pray that you will feel just a little more loved. Join me, please, in praying for others who read.

Check out our website,, to find articles and posts that will tell you about this ministry and the heart of God for you. And watch right here, next Monday, for a new edition of “Monday Grace.”


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16 responses to “Monday Grace

  1. Batya Ahul

    Thank you so much Pastor Dave, I really needed this today and thank you for your prayers for us all.

    I definitely fall into the category you describe above of people that have experienced narcissistic abuse in the church. Unfortunately if you’ve grown up in a narcissistic family and have been the family scapegoat you end up re-being re-drawn to that familiar narcissistic family set up which unfortunately also occurs in some churches.

    As I think I’ve said previously, we’re sometimes attracted to narcissistic people because we’re subconsciously trying to fix the relationship between ourselves and the narcissistic parent -and then re-traumatisation occurs.

    But God is good all the time & he knows our hearts.

  2. I welcome this new post with deep gratitude! I felt a deep smile inside when I read, “I want to talk about the love and practical help God has for you in Jesus. I want to give you something to hold onto as you step into the week.” Yes! We do need to know what the narcissist is up to, and their crazy-making drives us to dig for the answers that you help us find on Fridays, to understand what on earth is going on. This is needed. But you are so right that if this is the only focus, we miss looking to Jesus as our own source of supply, if you will, so that we can hang on to Him, who is able to be all to each of us individually. He is our hope! Thank you so much for starting this new post on Mondays! I am looking forward to reading and sharing, as I often do, with counselors and others who walk this path with us.

  3. Cbg

    Thank you. I needed this.

  4. Valerie Adair

    Wonderful! Thank you and thank you for bringing sanity to the world.

    Sent from my iPhone


  5. Trish

    Pastor Dave, I am thankful for your ministry. As one who was abandoned, rejected, abused and neglected, and raised in toxicity, trauma and dysfunction, I have difficulty with the concept of a Loving father. The conflicting messages too, that God loves me unconditionally, but then, if I don’t repent or do or be ABC, I won’t be saved. So God’s love does have conditions?

    As the family Scapegoat now, on top of a lifetime of trauma, loss and abuse, this role has somehow taken the wind out of my sails and the little faith I’d worked at having, from my heart. I’ve read that Narc abuse can deplete a person’s faith.

    Your messages, your writings, your book in particular, Grace for my Heart has given me something to hold onto. I thank you. I no longer go to church and sometimes my prayers are groans and snippets of gratitude and praise. But when i can’t sleep at night, I calm myself by silently saying, I am Safe. I am loved. I am accepted. There is nothing I need to do, or be – I don’t have to earn, compete or pay for God’s love. His Grace is sufficient for me. God Loves me, warts and all. What an amazing God. And I drift to sleep.

    Thank you for your message and your encouragement.


    • hazelnut

      I am Safe. I am loved. I am accepted. There is nothing I need to do, or be – I don’t have to earn, compete or pay for God’s love. His Grace is sufficient for me. God Loves me.
      Thank you Trish for writing out your nightly reassurance message. I’ve copied it out to post by my bed to remember.
      Your story is so similar of what my life has been like, and this post of Grace today is so timely. Last week I found an apartment, this week is moving out after an almost 30 year relationship. I feel so exhausted and worn down, but am finally coming out of denial with the help of a trauma therapist and a supportive friend.
      I read Friday’s posts and comments each week and feel a sisterhood here.
      Thank you Pastor Dave for caring and praying for us all. Your message today has helped my faith in a loving God.

  6. Lea Curtis

    Thank you, Pastor Dave, for taking the time to think about people and what they need.
    Thank you for praying for us. Thank you for seeking God for what we need to hear and writing it down. May God bless you abundantly.

    Could you sometime write another post about the confusion you can feel, when dealing with a narcissist…when you try to talk to them about something you are troubled by, that they have said or done and they turn it and try to make it your fault… when deep down, you know they are not “right”. ?

  7. Pamela Kay De Smet

    Dear Pastor, This is Wonderful. What a great idea from the Holy Spirit. I so enjoy your posts. It has taken me a long time to get connected back with you after major moves and so much to do to dissolve storages and changing my entire life at 70 years old, but I am glad to be receiving your posts again. 🙂 Thank you for your ministry to those who so need this. Blessings & Love in Christ, Pamela

  8. Jeff

    Yep, churches can be a place of wolves in sheeps clothing. It’s almost like some can smell the vulnerability of someone who has already been victimized so they can also victimize them for their “greater good.” Was angry at Jesus for a time for allowing more perpetuation but in hindsight realize that He has always been there, even in the darkness and it is we who have to practice boundaries. That is what church taught me.

    I look forward to posts directing us to the only one who can understand our pain since He lived it on the cross. Jesus knows betrayal as well as any of us know it. My stepdaughter is having a second marriage ceremony in a catholic church and I decided not to attend because of their hypocrisy on child sexual abuse, being a victim of that and all the damage that comes with it. Just want to spend the time I have left associating with “what’s real.”

    Thank you Pastor, for your investment in us. We are definitely salt of the earth around here…

  9. Judy

    Thank you for this additional encouragement!

  10. Abigail

    Thank you for providing both practical and spiritual handles to deal with the narcissist(s) in our lives. My narcissist in-law is a ‘Christian family counselor,’ and my siblings & their spouses chose to believe the lies. Some of them demanded I apologize, but more said I should forgive. An aunt asked if we would ‘be in the same heaven,’ and I’m quite sure she wasn’t questioning her own heart. Two sisters-in-law (both heavily involved in church ministries) have been silent for almost four years. I’ve acquired several ‘chosen sisters’ whose wisdom and compassion have been invaluable, but I have yet to figure out how to find a safe place to worship. It’s hard not to be cynical.
    Thank you for providing a place where I am safe, I am loved, I am accepted.

  11. Thank you all so much for your encouraging words! My prayer is that your days will be brightened by these gentle reminders of God’s great love for you. There is hope. There is promise. There is good. Hang in there!

  12. Susan Roberts

    Thank you for this Monday message. A good message to start the week off right.

  13. beautiful swan

    Thank you Pastor Dave. I have been reading the blog for a couple of months now. After reading a couple of weeks ago, I thought about how helpful is it to learn and connect from others that have suffered from Narcs.
    But I also thought that we need to remind ourselves to feel good through healthy ways like a nature walk, exercise, art or just to laugh. Monday Grace is timely, so you are speaking to all of us with this encouragement. So that we give ourselves balance. Sometimes the information can take you to the “Oh my gosh, this happened to someone else too.” reaction or even bring back memories that lead to more shock and revelations. Grace, strength, and growth after being dragged over the grains can make a beautiful pearl. The Narc may have a superpower, but I feel like one of mine now is detecting toxic people. How to form boundaries in order to deal with them.

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