It’s Narcissist Friday!
What did you expect life to be like by now?
For the past few months, the posts here have been about the things narcissists have taken away from us. Certainly one of the most common and troubling things narcissistic relationships tear from us is the plan we had for our futures. In fact, it seems that almost any kind of narcissistic relationship can affect the plans you have.
When you got married, you looked forward to the “happily ever after.” You didn’t know he/she would cheat and then leave you. You didn’t know you would have to get a divorce or live in the same house with such anger and abuse. Many young women had dreams of jobs and travel and good things until they connected with the narcissist who took it all away. Many young men looked forward to a life of love and family until they found that their narcissist had other plans.
As a child, you might have looked forward to the day you were free from your controlling parent(s). You thought you could have your own life and your own family. But Mom has never let you go. Her chronic ailments, her critical words, her manipulative gatherings. She has managed to insert herself into your future, and your plans have disappeared.
When you joined the company, you thought you could rise through the ranks. If you worked hard and did well, you could get a good wage and promotions. But the narcissistic boss only sees you as a servant to make him look good. He holds back promotions and says you haven’t earned a raise. The future you had planned has not happened. Knowing that he will be asked to give you a reference, you doubt your plans will ever come about.
Now you have debt. Now you have a baby. Now you have a dead-end job. Now you have a spouse who sees you as a servant. What happened?
You see, when the narcissist enters your life, he/she becomes the focus. Your plans are meaningless. The money you had saved is gone. The skills you used to have are almost forgotten. All because the narcissist was threatened by your abilities and/or independence.
The narcissist saw your plans either as having no value or as being a threat to his/her plans. That surprised you. You were unprepared and probably didn’t even realize what happened until too late.
But is it too late? At what age do you stop learning? I hope you say: Never! You might be able to reclaim some of those plans. You certainly can begin to make new ones. What the narcissist did was not fatal. You will recover. Things will be different, but they can still be yours.
Someone once asked, “Do you know how old I will be when I get my degree in four years?” Someone else answered, “How old will you be in four years if you don’t get your degree?” Don’t focus on what you have missed, focus on what can still be accomplished.
Make your plans now, even if the narcissist in your life might work against them. Plan for the opposition. You are stronger and smarter now. Submit your plans to the Lord who loves you, and let Him be your guide and help.