Defining Truth

It’s Narcissist Friday!

Have you ever noticed that truth is whatever the narcissist says it is? Narcissists argue with doctors, attorneys, teachers, even dictionaries. Since they cannot be wrong, anyone who disagrees with them must be wrong. Truth is what they say it is.

Of course, the rest of us know that the narcissist not only can be but often is wrong. Albuquerque is not the capital of New Mexico, no matter what the narcissist says. But then you will learn that was not what the narcissist said. No, he said it was Santa Fe. You said it was Albuquerque. You were the one who was wrong. Only you don’t remember it that way.

This is so common in narcissistic relationships that it is almost a joke. Truth, for the narcissist has no value of itself. Truth is useful only if it serves the narcissist. If a lie would serve better, the lie will come easily. Narcissists and lies go together like, well, like peanut butter and chocolate. They serve each other well.

Have you ever listened to someone and wondered how that person could lie so easily? Have you ever thought the lies could be exposed by anyone who cared enough to check? Have you ever met someone who would choose a lie when the truth would have served almost as well? You have probably met a narcissist.

Adam Savage, from Mythbusters, had a saying that we all enjoyed: “I reject your reality and substitute my own!”

This is the motto of the narcissist. He is the best salesman on the crew, no matter what the numbers say or the bosses think. He had the right-of-way, no matter what the sign or the rules or the policeman say. Reality doesn’t matter to the narcissist. What matters is what he wants to believe.

Truth stands on its own. There is no such thing as your truth and my truth. There may be differing perspectives on truth, but truth stands apart from our perspectives. You can try to cover it with lies, “photoshop” it to look different than it is, but truth still stands.

And the narcissist hates that. Truth is outside the narcissist’s control. In his/her striving to be the smartest and best, truth gets in the way of the narcissist. It may prove him wrong. It may reveal her deception. Truth is a problem.

But, for those who believe and tell the truth, it is a friend. Because truth stands outside us, when we find it we find something of value. Truth is a signpost telling us the right path. Truth is a fortress in which we might find shelter. Truth is a comfort because we can count on it.

It is not accidental that the Lord presents Himself as the source of truth. “I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life,” Jesus said. In Him we find all that the narcissist lacks: security, peace, love, and more.

3 Comments

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3 responses to “Defining Truth

  1. I was just talking with a blogger friend about how narcissists are easy to spot, if you’ve ever had extensive dealings with one. Probably the biggest sign that a person is a narcissist is their propensity to lie about anything and everything.

  2. Jo

    What bothers me the most about them lying constantly is how they say it with authority and as if it’s already true. People dont normaly expect others to lie to them for no reason so they just believe everything they say. I live with 2 of them that could convince anyone anything they wanted. I’m learning how do deal with them better every day but the constant lying and smearing is a hard thing to get over.

  3. 2birdman2

    Thanks again Pastor Dave for your wise insights! how I’ve struggle with the issue of lying is it was always projected onto me… that I was the liar I was the problem. I was accused of lying and dishonesty and it drove me to a point where I didn’t even know who I was:( I thank God I am no longer in that marriage relationship and I’m beginning to reattach myself to truth!!!

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