Dragon Whispers

It’s Narcissist Friday!

Escaping from the dragon can be an exhausting ordeal. You enter the new territory drained, confused, and upset. Everything in your life seemed to revolve around the dragon. Now, you have a chance to breath again.

Shortly into your new journey, you meet someone walking your path. Almost immediately, you are impressed with his gentleness and kindness. He offers to help you as you learn about the new land. He listens to your story and sympathizes with your suffering. He says just the right things to make you feel good about yourself again. He also has suffered. It is good to have someone to walk with.

Until you discover that he is very much like the dragon you thought you left behind.

Through this short series of posts I often use the terms “dragon” and “narcissist” almost interchangeably. Dealing with a narcissist feels like fighting a dragon. You never knew when he/she was going to strike next. Sometimes the attacks were intense and personal. His/her presence loomed over almost every part of your life. It was easy to be confused and afraid.

But after you leave the narcissist, the dragon remains. The dragon doesn’t die or even sleep. You know this. There are dangers in this new life you are entering. Even though you feel used up, weary from the battle, you cannot afford to let your guard down.

But you want to. You want to trust someone. You want a friend. You want someone who will support you, listen to you, walk with you. So, when the new charmer comes to you, the praise and kindness feels good. You want to rest in the relationship.

When it happens to you again, you blame yourself for being gullible. You shame yourself for being stupid. How could you be deceived again?

To be gullible is to desire truth from a relationship. In other words, you want to trust the person. You accept the lie in order to continue or enhance the relationship. To question a person’s honesty is to doubt the person and threaten the relationship. Because you are naturally kind and welcoming, you expect that others are truthful.

But the dragon whispers sweet talk, words designed to touch your heart. The dragon knows that you are vulnerable. He knows what you want to see and hear.

It may not be another lover. Perhaps it is a friend, someone who senses your need to be valued. Maybe it will be a person with a “ministry” to help people like you. Sometimes the next narcissist you meet will not be overt, but a needy user we refer to as “covert.” That person will seem loving and helpful, but you will find yourself used again. The dragon whispers the right things to open your heart to the abuse again.

In our culture, people think of gullibility as being stupid. Fool me once, etc. But the only people who say that are those who don’t know the dragon. They may not have grown up in a family like yours or lived a marriage like yours. They don’t understand. Or they are already so bound to the dragon that they speak his whispers.

Listen: it isn’t your mind and thinking that has opened you again. It’s your heart. And that’s not a bad thing. You want to trust people. You want a good relationship. That’s who you are. It isn’t bad, but it explains why you get hurt.

So, pray for wisdom. Pray that your relationship with Jesus would be so fulfilling that you are not attracted to the dragon’s whispers. Pray that your heart needs are met by Jesus Himself. Then, when your mind and heart are clear, let Him lead you into a good relationship again.

10 Comments

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10 responses to “Dragon Whispers

  1. Colin Dunne

    Thank you for this post. Ive arrived at a point of understanding and in the process of healing, after a 27 year narc marriage. It has been a eye opener to the ‘other’ world. Your posts are very much appreciated. Colin

  2. Juanita

    This was powerful.

  3. Savedbygrace

    The dragon takes your voice away. I have needed to strengthen my voice- around key issues of identity- who am I? What do I want? What do I need? Where are my boundaries? What will I accept? What won’t I accept? What will I allow to define me?
    I also needed to learn to trust my gut and listen to it..then speak up..whether that be ‘go away’ ‘ this is not right’ or ‘come closer’ ‘learn to trust’… and all the while praying for wisdom and leaning into my relationship with Jesus my rescuer and protector.

  4. Phyllis Fleming

    Amazing. I read all your posts, David Orrison. For my spirit, this one is the cream of the crop. I have encountered many dragons in my life; from the outside they all look so different. I believe I had unknowingly become a dragon-whisperer. Haha. As if these dragons can ever be “tamed”! As if a people-pleaser ever really wins. I will be eternally grateful that my relationship with Jesus lifted my head so that I could see my charred and dismal environment was the result of revolving my life around a dragon instead of around God.

  5. Lina

    Thank you.. very healing words as always.
    Strangely when I subscribed to this site years back I had not really had any personal experiences with a “dragon” it was just a topic of interest.
    Over the past year I slowly became involved with a dragon, it is strange how a part of you deep down sees the signs but gives the person the benefit of the doubt over and over, especially when one knows they are born again believers. That is very difficult reality to understand.
    I am thankful that through much prayer and tears someone helped open my eyes to the manipulative behaviours of the dragon and I just recently found the strength to pull away.
    In my rational mind I still cannot understand how I became so influenced and cared so deeply for someone who only gave on his terms and for his own benefit.
    It is a tough road, but thankfully another dragon did not come and take advantage, that would be absolutely brutal.
    Prayers for all those that have been there, today having been set free by the grace of God I can truly empathize.

    • Singing Eagle

      Lina, I wonder how different my life would have been if I had wise godly friends like yours. I rejoice and celebrate with you my, sister in Christ!!

  6. Singing Eagle

    OMG! I feel like, “How did you do that!” This message spoke exactly what I think. My thoughts were recently expressed as realizing I’ve gotten use to and skilled at “walking on pins and needles” for so many years. The Dragon demonstrates such quiet and gentle demeanor but one false move and …… Maybe that’s why I don’t want to retire…… Thank you for being a safe place to sort out my thoughts and feelings. Thank you for the confirmation and validation!!!!!

  7. Bob Baker Sr.

    My 30 yr. experience is a mirror. After 17 yrs. away from her; she is still in my heart…IDK and I would never hook up again. But the power to control lingers weakly as an irritation. I don’t understand it, I just deal with it as a learning experience and not to be repeated. I drop em fast now!

  8. Batya Ahul

    Wow just 😮, after an incredibly difficult time this post is so timely……
    Dragons can present themselves as angels of light in disguise, God has shown me this miraculously in the last couple of days after a period of time where I just didn’t know what was happening to me. I have been set free once more through Him.
    God is good, all the time Amen to that 😊

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