For My Grandchildren

It’s Narcissist Friday!

I confess that I am concerned about the state of our world, and I wonder what kind of future our grandchildren will have. Yes, every generation probably had the same concerns. Maybe the politics and the morality have always been this way. Maybe God will give our grandkids the grace to handle their struggles just as He has given us the grace to handle ours. But what’s the value of getting older if you can’t pass on some of the things you have learned?

Most of us have learned a lot of lessons that came out of that school of “hard knocks.” In other words, we learned what hurt us by going through the hurt. Along the way, we picked up some ideas, some boundaries, that might help us and others. If we can just remember them!

My original thought was to write a series of posts on how to build an organization that would not interest narcissists or how to find such an organization. But I realized that organizations are built of the things we carry into them. Also, organizations often act with narcissistic characteristics simply because of what they are.

With that in mind, I have decided to share a series of simple thoughts on how to build our own lives in such a way that narcissists have no desire to get to us. If narcissists are predators and opportunists, then perhaps we can look at the things that open us to their abuse and create boundaries to protect ourselves.

Most of us are already scarred and broken from the damage our narcissists did. We would love the opportunity to go back and become young again with the knowledge and insights we now have. We can learn things to protect ourselves from future abuse, but we don’t get to go back and undo the damage. Yes, the pain of the past does give guidance and blessing to the future. We should be thankful for the struggles we have been through, I suppose. But I would like to pass on the things I have learned through my pain so that those I love don’t have to experience it for themselves.

I have taught my sons from their youngest years a simple saying: A wise man learns from the mistakes of others. You don’t have to make the same mistakes yourself. You can believe the pain of others and evaluate what they did.

So, what would I tell my grandchildren to help them stay safe from narcissists and other abusers? Of course, I would tell them about Jesus. I would tell them that God loves them and that they can trust Him. I believe the things of the faith give hope and strength to the heart, grace for the heart, if you will. But there are some other things I would tell them about themselves and their needs.

Think of these upcoming posts as two-pronged. They will be written to my grandchildren to help them prepare for life and relationships. They will also be written for all of us, to bolster the truths that will allow us to establish boundaries and avoid the weaknesses that open us to abuse. I want my grandchildren to be immune, even toxic, to narcissists. I want narcissists to leave them alone because they are too strong, too prepared. That’s what I want for all my readers.

From “Never Give 100%” to “You Are Beautiful” to “Compete Only With Yourself,” I think you will find these posts to be encouraging and strengthening. Each of them will be easily applied to narcissistic relationships as well as general daily life. Some of the advice may be contrarian, but my intent is that the posts will build freedom and confidence.

I would appreciate your prayers as these come together.

 Tell your children about it, let your children tell their children, and their children another generation.
Joel 1:3

4 Comments

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4 responses to “For My Grandchildren

  1. I’m looking forward to these posts. Praying!

  2. HisDaughter

    Great post! We all need this!

  3. Batya Ahul

    Pastor Dave, I think you will already be doing an amazing job and preparing your grandchildren to walk forward with an identity in Christ. Ephesians 6v 10-20 equips us with the protection we need from the evil one. I think having an identity in Christ may protect you from the eternal effects of the fiery darts from satan, but unfortunately in my experience an “n”will find you like a heatseeking missile, particularly if you grew up in a narcissistic family.
    Perhaps this in an attempt for the “n” to try and steal some of the light of Christ to shine in the dark cavernous hole where their heart should be.
    If only they realised that they need to seek this with a relationship with Christ directly, they can’t vicariously “borrow” our light. So they continue in their own miserable self absorbed darkness, looking for the next poor individual to seek out and try and destroy.
    Pastor Dave, I’m sure you have shown your grandchildren a healthy functioning Christ-like family. This on its own it’s such a miracle, to understand healthy relationships and the love of Christ, this will set any child up to have inbuilt narcissist repellent and also to pass that on to future generations.
    For those of us that have grown up in a narcissistic family it’s not quite so easy, we are unconsciously drawn to the “n” maybe to try and fix that primary parental relationship, often not being aware of it until we have suffered the negative effects. But God is good all the time and all these things are sent to try us and mold us in the refiners fire preparing us for the day that Christ returns. Lord let that be soon😊

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