It’s Narcissist Friday!
You are a person, just like God is a person. That means you are more than the sum of your parts, more than the things you have done, more than what others think of you. There is something unique and wonderful about you, something deep and strong. Being a person is being separate from the world and from time.
Those who would hurt you or use you will try to tie you to an event in your life, usually some mistake or some sin. They will point to that event and say, “See this is you.” They will want you to be stuck at that point and defined by it. Don’t let them.
If there is some sin in your past, remember that God doesn’t even see it. When you came to Him, He recreated you. That past cannot define you. Even something done after you came to Jesus cannot define you. No event, no act, is you. Your definition is inseparable from who you are in Jesus and who Jesus is in you.
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.
2 Corinthians 5:17
That’s what we mean when we say that you are a being rather than a doing.
When someone asks us to tell about ourselves, we usually tell about the things we do or have done or would like to do. That’s how the world knows us. But God knows us differently. He sees our innermost hearts, and He loves us there. He knows us better than we know ourselves.
If you can remember that you cannot be defined by an event and cannot be tied to anything you have done in your past, the narcissist and abuser has far less ability to control you. Perhaps we should make a point of the rhyme between abuser and accuser. It is the abuser who accuses you to yourself. It is the one who hates you and wants to use you that tries to keep you stuck in the past. Your victory comes when you accept the Lord’s perspective on yourself. He knows you separate from what you have done. He says He no longer remembers those things.
“I, even I, am He who blots out your transgressions for My own sake; and I will not remember your sins.
If God does not remember those things from the past, then the accuser comes from evil. Trying to bind you to an event is an attempt to control you. It doesn’t matter if it is the church or people who consider themselves Christians or even members of your family.
So be sure that you don’t bind yourself to an event. It’s what’s in your head that the abusers exploit. They look for weaknesses and pain. When you focus on something you did or something that happened to you, they see an opportunity to make you value them above yourself. Instead, when you release yourself from that event, as Christ has released you, the opportunity is taken away from the abuser. Even when the event is brought up to use against you, you can be confident in yourself and in the love of Jesus.
One more thing: give this gift to others. Don’t tie others to events of the past. Find out who they are today. If they belong to Jesus, their past has been cleansed and forgotten as well.
Therefore, from now on, we regard no one according to the flesh. Even though we have known Christ according to the flesh, yet now we know Him thus no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.
2 Corinthians 5:16-17
Now, I always have to be careful. This can be misunderstood. I am not suggesting that your actions no longer matter. They do. You can still hurt yourself and others by foolish choices and wrong thinking. Even if you are not defined by those things, they still carry pain you should avoid. Even the things you did before you knew Jesus may affect your earthly life today. You know this. But those things do not affect your relationship with the Lord nor define who you are today.
Also, I am not suggesting that you open yourself again to people who have hurt you. You have a memory for a reason. Be careful who you trust. As the Lord enables you, you can forgive. If they change, you can seek the Lord’s guidance on a renewed relationship. If they do not, don’t be afraid to move on. You are not tying them to the past when you are cautious based on what they have done. You are just being wise.
You are a person, not an event or an action. Don’t define yourself as anything less than the precious jewel God loves. It has never been about your actions. It has always been about His love for you.