It’s Narcissist Friday!
I remember an old Moody Science film where a man wore special glasses that turned everything upside-down. His point was to show how the brain is capable of adapting input to make sense. In this case, the man wore the glasses for several weeks. At first, everything was upside-down, and it was difficult for him to do anything. But, by the end of the test, he was able to ride a motorcycle and perform delicate tasks. His brain inverted the images back so that he saw normally—through glasses that turned everything upside-down. (If you are interested in watching this, go to: https://archive.org/details/SensePerception )
Many people have told me how their world was turned upside-down when they discovered the truth about the narcissists or hypocrites in their lives. When they finally saw that their abuser was cruel and unloving, their reality changed. When they realized that someone they respected was phony and manipulative, everything went topsy-turvy.
Yet, nothing happened to change reality for these people. Their world was already upside-down. Now the light of truth showed reality, and it just seemed like things were wrong. But things were finally right.
It is true. Our minds have the ability to make things seem okay even when they are not. We ignore what we don’t like. We look past cruelty and manipulation because we don’t want them to be real. When there is something we like about a person, we don’t want to see something we don’t like. We redecorate the truth to make it acceptable to our hearts.
That’s why so many have told me that they blamed themselves. They had ignored so much, explained away so much, justified so much. They saw the truth, but rejected it. Over and over. If the narcissist or abuser had not become more cruel, their victims might never have realized what was happening.
So, take off the glasses. Learn to see and accept the truth, even the truth you don’t like. Your mind and heart have glasses that distort truth to make you feel better, but you will feel worse when you finally see.
You are so happy to feel loved that you ignore the red flags you see in your lover. You are so excited to be welcomed into the group that you fail to understand the cruel comparisons and elitism that exist. You want so badly to be seen as good by the leaders that you overlook their cynicism and compromises. You explain away as much bad as you can so that you can feel good.
Take off the glasses. I understand that you don’t want to be hurt, but it will hurt more later. After you have compromised yourself, sacrificed yourself for the lie. Too many have told me of their feelings of shame and self-disgust. It isn’t worth it.
You don’t have to fix reality to live in it. You don’t have to redecorate truth to survive. But you do have to see it. If you want to thrive in the real world, you have to take off the glasses.
The truth is that some people will use others, use you, to get what they want. They won’t care about the pain they cause. These people will use whatever you need to get what they want from you. If you need to feel good about yourself, they will say whatever you need to hear—without meaning any of it. If you want love or patience or a listening ear, they will provide it as an investment toward getting what they want.
Not everyone is like this, but some are. Too many. You have to see truth in order to be safe. You have to pay attention to red flags and cautions from others. You have to take off the glasses.
Ask the Lord to reveal reality to you. Hold on, because the ride might be bumpy. You might not like what you see. But ask Him to help you deal with the truth and to guide you with His light.
I think lies are a big deal to God and the worst ones are those we tell ourselves. We will be safe and healthy in the real world when we see it as it is and trust Him on the journey.