It’s Narcissist Friday!
This is a busy time of year. There are so many things calling for our attention and energy. The net result is often a feeling of weakness and incompetence. We lose power and confidence when we are faced with so many competing voices.
When you think of people in crisis or people with PTSD because of crisis, you may think of someone who has trouble focusing. Bouncing from one topic to another in conversation, beginning a new project without finishing the old ones, even jerky motions and general clumsiness—these are signs of an inability to focus. Some simply can’t focus long enough to get anything accomplished.
Narcissistic relationships, with their unpredictable and manipulative natures, cause us to lose focus. Those who work retail this time of year will understand. The boss comes in right before the big shopping day with a list of projects that just have to be done, but cannot be done. Rather than being able to focus on customers and connecting them with their products, you are constantly thinking about the things on the list for which you will be judged. You end up not doing well on anything.
Narcissists provide these continual distractions to throw their victims off, to drain their strength. Clear thinking and self-confidence are the enemies of narcissistic abuse. Instinctively, the narcissist knows he/she must keep throwing you distractions.
So, now you are out of the relationship, but you still find it hard to focus. You can learn again. Just realize that the loss of focus is a normal part of narcissistic relationship. It’s not your fault.
And, please, don’t put yourself down for these effects. You are not stupid, so stop saying that you are. You do not “always” fail, so stop saying that you do. You have been beat up. The pain and infirmity you suffer does not define you. It is the natural result of abuse and, listen, will not last.
No, it is not the “new you.” You are a child of God, unique and valued. You are not the ball in the pinball machine. You have purpose and you have power. You can rebuild your life, with the help of the Lord and your support group.
Finding focus in the midst of distractions can be challenging. Perhaps, even now, the narcissist continues to throw things at you. Give yourself time and grace. Be patient. Find some resources—charts, journals, timers, whatever—to help you get your work done. Listen to those who truly want to help you.
And pray. Whatever you need, ask the Lord who loves you. If you find it hard to stay in relationships, get work done, even sleep at night—pray. Ask for what you need. Then trust that the Lord will restore what “locusts have taken.”
Two New Books!
Believe it or not, I have two new books on Amazon! I find myself to be a better writer than marketer, but I want you to know about these two new books.
The first is a book that has been in the works for a long time. I call it “Practical Grace.” The idea is that such an important topic should be relevant to our daily lives. Not everything in life seems limited to the spiritual realm. We struggle in relationships, with our mortality, with getting through the day. Does grace matter day by day? Yes! God cares about your real-life struggle. His grace is for you.
The second book is meant to be for those who have understood the message of grace in the past, maybe you took a class or read something about God’s grace, but have found it hard to stay on track. It is so easy to slip back into a performance system. It is also easy to become discouraged. This book will give you five “touchpoints” to which you can return often as you walk your journey through life.