To Be Happy

Once again we have been reminded of the desperate need of the human heart to be happy.  The death of Robin Williams is a particularly tragic event in our culture.  There have been many others who have ended their own lives because of depression, addiction, or pain; but Williams was a man who seemed so widely accepted and loved.  For forty years he made us laugh.

By now we should understand that there are those who seek to find their own happiness in the happiness of others.  The comics among us have so often been tragic characters.  Perhaps they think that if they can make us laugh, they will find joy for themselves.  I won’t pretend to know Robin Williams or understand his demons, but I know that seeking health by making others laugh is a losing proposition.

I write about some negative things, particularly narcissism and legalism.  Both are attempts to find personal health by controlling or manipulating the feelings of others.  Both fail to satisfy the needs of the heart.  The narcissist, like the comic, can make those around him laugh, and the legalist can give sacrificially; but neither will find joy or freedom or peace from their efforts.  The darkness within is not overcome by their gifts.

There is a need for us to be accepted and loved for who we are, rather than for what we do.  There is nothing we can do or produce to fill this need.  That love and acceptance must come from the free choice of another, someone who knows the truth of our hearts and still chooses to love us.  Many have found that the love of the people around them, no matter how sincere, is still not enough.  I believe there is a core need for the love of God in our hearts.

It is a particular offense to the gospel of Jesus Christ to make it about sin and wrath and measuring up.  The real message of the gospel is exactly what the human heart needs—love.  Instead of telling people that they have sinned and must find the way to being accepted, we must tell them that they have sinned and God loves them.  We do not bring a message of rejection!  The gospel is a message of love and acceptance.

You have sinned and God loves you.  You cannot save yourself, but God—in Jesus—will save you.  You are broken and hurting and Jesus offers health and peace.  The darkness pulls you to addictions and despair; Jesus calls you to eternal love and freedom.

In your own dark days, remember the love of One who truly knows you.  He knows your doubts and fears and compromises and He finds great joy in knowing you.  No matter how bleak or depressing your life becomes, you can never fall further than His arms of love.

When a friend or family member is going through the dark days, love them and tell them of this greater love.  Tell them that Jesus loves them.  Whatever they have done, whatever thoughts have gone through their mind and heart, Jesus loves them.  He is quick to forgive, powerful enough to heal, and steadfast in His love.

The message of grace is that love is already there for you.  You don’t have to earn it or deserve it or even seek it.  The tiniest glimmer of faith is enough to begin welcoming and receiving that amazing love.  Just the desire, the willingness to take what is offered, is enough—and that’s already in you.  That longing finds its fulfillment in Jesus, the love of God.

The lie says that if you can make enough others happy, you will find happiness.  Parents look to find their happiness in the happiness of their children.  Givers look to the happiness of those who receive.  Workers look to those who are served.  And then there are those who take a broken route, the narcissists who manipulate the feelings of others to create their own peace or the legalists who seem to seek to destroy the happiness of others to make themselves feel better about their brokenness.  But it doesn’t work.  None of it works.  We cannot take our happiness from others.

My prayer for all of us is that we would no longer seek to find our happiness in the looks or lives of those around us; but that we would find our joy in Jesus.  May that always be the place and beginning of our health.

I am okay

Words of Grace 

 

What do you say when you have had a hard week? When things have piled up against you and any one of them seems like too much? Sometimes the most you can say is, “I am okay.”

One of my favorite passages from Paul is in 2 Corinthians 4:

We are hard pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed—

In other words, it’s been a tough week, but we are okay.

Not destroyed. We may not be able to see hope right now, but we trust it is there. We may not feel great about ourselves or the life around us, but we not in despair. We may not know how all of this will turn out, but we are still looking up.

Most of us don’t need to feel great all the time. We understand that we are in a battle against an enemy. We understand that there is competition for our place in life. We understand that the others around us have crummy days. We understand that society is broken.

I think regular people can take a lot. I know that those of us who have the presence of the Lord and the promise of His everlasting love can take even more. To be okay simply means that we are not destroyed by whatever we are going through. We will not be destroyed because the Lord is with us and will never leave us.

I might not have a smile sometimes, but I am okay. I might not have the time or the strength to lift my hand in sacrificial service, but I am okay. I might not be able to see a way out of my trouble, but I am okay. I am not destroyed and I will not be destroyed.

I am okay because Jesus loves me. I am okay because this world is not my final home. I am okay because I am fully forgiven and accepted. I am okay because I am never alone.

No, I refuse to say that everything is wonderful when I don’t feel that way. I have to be honest and admit to my pain or my struggle. But I also know that I am okay . . . and I want you to know that as well.

In 1870, Horatio and Anna Spafford lost their only son to scarlet fever. The next year, Spafford lost almost all his financial assets in the Chicago fire. Then, in 1873, Mrs. Spafford and their four daughters left for Europe while Horatio stayed back to try to recover some of his business. The ship had an accident and the four Spafford girls drowned. Only Mrs. Spafford survived.

Out of that series of tragedies, came the words to a wonderful song, “It Is Well with My Soul.” It was Horatio Spafford’s way of telling people, including himself, that he was okay.

 

I am okay

Jesus loves me

He will never leave me nor let me go

I am safe in Him

I am okay

 

 

Guilt

Grace 101

Ever feel guilty for doing something and then realize that you are already forgiven?  And then you feel guilty for not remembering that truth before?  We are creatures of guilt.  We are so familiar with guilt that we don’t recognize it as it creeps into our hearts and destroys our days.  It feels so right because it fit so well in our lives for so long.

But guilt and shame can distract you from the joy of grace.  They come when we forget that we are no longer under law, but they also come when we chastise ourselves under grace.  Many of us were taught to think of ourselves as stupid or weak or foolish.  Remembering the message of grace in a world (or in a church) that does not support that message can be hard work.

Some people who have had limbs amputated struggle with what is called, “phantom pain.”  Phantom pain is more than a memory that can simply be blocked out with effort.  Phantom pain, pain in a hand that is no longer there, for example, can be very real.  Something like 80% of amputees report some kind of phantom pain.  It hurts.  No one knows exactly what is happening, but almost all theories center on the continued functioning of nerves that used to extend to the absent limb.

Well, I don’t want to push the analogy too far, but you and I have nerves that are very used to experiencing shame and guilt.  In fact, most of us would worry about ourselves if we didn’t feel guilty for doing something wrong.  And we kind of want to have a reminder or a nudge when we do something wrong, don’t we?  But then, when we do feel guilty, we fall back into the self-condemnation and the oppression we experienced under the law.

So let me suggest a new tactic.  I think the nudge from the Holy Spirit is good.  There are things that we do that are hurtful to ourselves and others.  We don’t want to do them.  If we do them, we want to be nudged.  But we don’t have to feel shame and guilt.  That is something different.

If we could interpret the nudge from the Spirit as a blessing, as something good, then we could win.  Instead of the pain of shame, we could feel the attention of the Lord and the influence of His Spirit.  That’s not a bad thing at all.  In fact, we could go so far as to rejoice at our renewed awareness of His presence.

The next time the Holy Spirit nudges you with the mindfulness of your wrong action, just say, “Thanks!”  Believe that His only purpose is to help you and His only motive toward you is love.  There is no condemnation in His nudge, no shame, and you carry no guilt.  But He simply is telling you that this is not going to be profitable and He loves you enough to make His presence known.

Now, I know that someone will say that people will just sin more then so they can feel good about their interaction with the Spirit.  Listen: that’s dumb.  No one who wants to walk with Jesus will sin more so that they get more attention from Him.  What will happen is that the distraction that comes with the earthly consequences of sin and the false guilt will end and their hearts will be even more at peace in their relationship with Him.

You see, we no longer need guilt to guide us.  We have love.  God’s love for us is active and involved.  He speaks to us and leads us.  That is a very good thing.

Peace

Grace 101

High blood pressure, cancer, diabetes, heart attacks—all of these serious health issues are related to or seriously affected by stress.  There are many more, of course.  Some of the more “modern” diseases, those which are difficult to diagnose or cure, may be caused by stress.  Add to that the health issues that come from behavior precipitated by stress—smoking, drinking, over-eating, etc.  Stress is hard on us.

The Lord designed our bodies to respond to attack or danger in certain ways.  Blood pressure, digestion, conversion of sugar to energy—these things change so that we are better prepared to fight or run or endure.  But when our minds see danger where there is none, our bodies still prepare.  Stress is usually the perception of danger.

Think about the last several times you suffered stress.  Was there real danger?  Did your body need to prepare for fight or flight?  You might have had to make decisions, even serious decisions, but did your blood pressure need to go up?  Probably not.

A good deal of the struggle we suffer comes from our perspective on the things of life.   We can look at the same situation different ways.  From one position, a job loss feels like we are being thrown into the sea without a life jacket or raft, doomed to failure and death.  From another, that same job loss opens the door to a whole new life, one with more opportunity to fulfill our dreams.  Much is affected by how we look at these things.

So, if you continue to sort through what was given to you in salvation, you will find a precious, but under-valued and under-utilized gift, the gift of peace.

Over and over God says that He gives peace to His people.  Yet, I have found so many believers who live without peace.  They live in fear of the future, fear of God, and anxiety because of sin.  They long for peace, but live in stress.  Sadly, they go to church and, instead of being told of the peace that is their gift, they receive more stress.

But the Lord offers peace.  Peace in the midst of any trouble.  Peace for the future and the past.  The call that some teachers bring, the call to worry and fear, is a lie for believers.  We are called to peace.

And this is not the deceptive peace of the world.  You know what I mean.  Just don’t think about the trouble.  Just focus on the good in life.  Block out all negative thoughts.  That’s what the world offers.  In fact, that’s about the best the world offers.  And we always know the trouble is still there.  And we are still inadequate to face it.

The Lord gives us peace in Himself.  We face a world bigger than us and trouble bigger than us.  But nothing is bigger than He is.  He doesn’t push us out into this difficult world to fend for ourselves.  He is with us—always.  He is with us Himself, in person, in relationship.  We face nothing alone—ever.

So we have peace concerning our future because our future is secure in Him.  We have peace concerning our past because He has healed and redeemed our past.  We have peace in the most difficult of circumstances because He is with us.  That’s the amazing promise He gives to His people.

I know that there are times when we fear.  Peace is not the absence of fear.  Peace is the security and assurance we have in the midst of fear.  One of the most powerful verses in Scripture is Psalm 56:3 .

“Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You.”

That’s peace.