Fear of God’s Disfavor

A Word for Wednesday

One of the most surprising things I discovered in ministry was how many people would come to me to confess their sin. Now, I have never been in the role of a priest who hears confession and grants absolution. That’s not my tradition nor is it my doctrine. But it has happened so many times that I came to expect to know secrets.

I wondered why people would want to do this. Some of them came almost as soon as I came to the church. It seemed important to them to “air their dirty laundry,” so to speak.. As time went on, I began to understand.

Their goal was not so much forgiveness, but acceptance. They needed to know they were still welcome once the truth was known. It was almost a test to see if not only I, but God rejected them.

And the manipulators, narcissists, and abusers know that those who fear God’s disfavor are vulnerable. They know how to twist and control. If they can create anxiety or fear in the hearts of their victims, they can dominate them.

Many people live in uncertainty, or lack of assurance, because they live in fear of God’s disfavor. Preachers pull out verses that say no one who does such or such can inherit the kingdom. Abusers accuse victims of being unworthy. The religious system focuses on sin rather than the Savior.

But our God loves us! He loves us so much that He sent Jesus to die for us. In some amazing way, God became flesh to pay a price that would wash away our sins. Wash away, not just cover…not just hide until some future revelation. And not just the sins of the past but all our sins.

I don’t understand the love of God that keeps forgiving me. I don’t understand why He loves me at all. But I know He does because He tells me that throughout the Scriptures. He tells me that’s why He paid such an awful price.

What will separate me from the love of God? Nothing. Nothing in this world. Nothing in any other world. Nothing that I do. Nothing. God continues to love me even though I do things that show my lack of love for myself and for others. I cannot fall from His favor.

To be clear, I might miss blessings because of the wrong decisions I make, especially the sinful ones. I might go through tough times because of those decisions or practices. But I will never fall from His favor. He loves me.

You see, the very life in me is the life of Jesus. I have no other life, no other hope. All my eggs are in that one basket. All my investments are in Him. All the promises are from Him. I died, and the life I live today is the life of Jesus in me. I am still me, but alive only in Jesus.

So, nothing can change that now. Now, it isn’t up to me to keep myself in His favor. Even if He sees fit to discipline me or withhold something He would have given me, it will be because of that favor, that love.

And the day will come when I will see that all my sins have truly been washed away. They will no longer even be memories. As far as the east is from the west, my sins will be sent away, along with the guilt, the shame, the condemnation. As my flesh dies with the rest of this world, I will be free.

I know that many people have been taught to fear the loss of God’s favor. Teach them and yourself the truth of God’s amazing love!

To Be A Christian

A Word for Wednesday

Several events, news stories, and internet topics have come together in recent weeks to move my thinking toward what it really means to be a Christian. Much of the manipulation and deception that happens in the church centers around wrong ideas. The legalist teacher/preacher keeps his listeners confused about the truth of Christian identity. The “Christian” narcissist would have you believe he/she has some kind of access to or arrangement with God that you do not. By twisting the truth, these people keep their advantage and control.

And their victims suffer from lack of knowledge, as the Scripture says. Without assurance and understanding of truth, even true believers can be misled and discouraged by the lies.

Next year I will mark 50 years of pastoral ministry. Although I do not usually think of myself as a counselor, I have certainly talked with a lot of people about their marriages and their faith. I would suggest that the great majority of those I have counseled have struggled with assurance and victory. Most have confessed their sins in fear and anxiety. Most have found the love of God to be uncertain or even distant in their lives. And their doubt comes out of misunderstanding. Poor teaching seems to be the norm in the church today.

Many years ago I studied and taught in a program called “Evangelism Explosion.” It came from the ministry of Dr. D. James Kennedy in Florida and was a way to train people to share the gospel. The presentation centered around two questions: If you were to die today, do you know that you would go to Heaven? And, if you did die and were asked at the gate of Heaven why you should be allowed to go in, what would you say?

Now, we were taught that people who couldn’t answer those questions were almost certainly not Christians. Any fumbling doubts or attempts at bargaining would be evidence that the person didn’t understand what Jesus had done for them. While I find it hard to disagree with that assertion, I am deeply concerned that those doubts and attempts to bargain would be found throughout the church today.

And those doubts allow the manipulators and abusers to define our faith their way. If we don’t know enough to stand up for the truth about Jesus and His work in our own lives, then we are open to compromise and fear.

The narcissist will never let you forget your sin. He will use it, refer to it, as he pressures you into submission. The legalist will continually bring up new sins to charge you with, never content with any amount of repentance and change. For the manipulator, you must never be good enough, always be fearful, and live in expectation of rejection and judgment. They are the only real Christians, they want you to think. They actually put themselves in the place of God.

But no believer should allow a person other than Jesus to have that place. The only right Judge is Jesus…and He loves you and forgives you. This is what the believer must accept and live.

Only in Him

A Word for Wednesday

“Name it and claim it!” “Speak your best life into being.” “Agree with what you want to be true and it will become true.”

Grace teachers are accused of giving people false hope. Some say that grace teaching falls short because it doesn’t require the performance the Bible requires. Repentance and change, they say, are the key to everything believers are promised. Obedience and duty and service and consistency are required, they say. People will not become what we say or have what we say unless they pay the price.

They are wrong. The hope of the gospel is not false hope. Nor is it found in performance and obedience. It is found in Jesus. He has done the work. He has paid the price.

But some teachers who claim grace as their message do forget the one requirement: JESUS!

The life and freedom and joy offered by the message of grace is only found in Jesus. Only those who have come to Him in faith will exchange their life for the one He offers. And only those who have the life of Jesus will have the victory and forgiveness He offers.

You see, Christians are not people who have had a change of thinking. We have had a change of life. Our life-source is different. Not updated or fixed, but actually replaced. The old life in which we placed our hope is gone. The new life in us is Him. Eternal life doesn’t just mean living forever; it means living in Him. Because He is our Life, we share in His eternal life.

So, when I write about the things Christians have in Jesus I mean that those things are only in Jesus. They are not available to everyone apart from Him. No unbeliever can have them. No one who has not come to Jesus in faith has this new life. You have to be a Christian.

There are people who seem to forget this. They offer the blessings of the Christian life without the one requirement. It is not obedience or service. It is not church membership or duty. It is not avoidance of sin or abundance of good works. It is Jesus.

Jesus is a real Person who loves you. He came to offer Himself because of that love. He rose from the dead to call you to Himself. And, when you come to Him to exchange the life you think you have for the life He offers, He makes you a new creation. Only then are you forgiven and set free from sin. Only then do you have a future and hope in glory. Only then are you a Christian.

It sometimes feels like the message of grace is challenged from every side. There are those who want people to do enough of what they think is important in order to be saved. Then there are those who think all people somehow receive the blessings of the cross. But the message of grace doesn’t sell the gospel short on either side. It is focused on Jesus. He alone is the “Author and Finisher” of our faith and our life.

Only Jesus. He alone is our Hope and Strength.

Relax

A Word For Wednesday

“To have it all, you have to pay the price!” I remember Zig Ziglar challenging that way of thinking. He didn’t think it was wise to tell people to focus on the price, especially if you were trying to motivate them. Instead, he said we should focus on the benefits. Losing weight is not a process of diet and exercise and paying the price. It is a process of living healthier and lighter. Learning a skill is not a process of hard study and long hours, but a process of growing and becoming more available for opportunity. No wonder people loved to listen to him!

This way of thinking is even more important in the Christian life. It is not that we achieve the things Jesus promises us by paying the price but that we enjoy the benefits of what He has already given to us. In Him, we already have it all. We just don’t understand the reality of who we are or Who He is yet.

So, if Jesus says that His sheep know His voice, then we do know His voice. We discern it and hear it above the rest of the voices. That is true for us even if it doesn’t seem like it.

I suspect that the key to hearing His voice is to relax. None of the other voices tell us to relax and trust in Jesus. They all call us to activity and worry and stress. Instead, we are called to rest in Jesus.

This will seem too simple for anyone who is driven by fear and guilt, but I offer it to those who are free from guilt and have no reason to fear. All who are in Jesus. Relax. Trust that He will get His message to you. Listen to what He has already told you and believe Him. He loves you. You are forgiven. You will not be judged according to your performance. Your future hope is secure in Him. These are all things He has already said.

When a person who is not used to speaking in front of a group is confronted with a microphone, they will often say that they don’t need one. They believe they will speak clearly and loudly without it. I have to tell them that the microphone is not for them, but for their listeners. Some people have trouble hearing. It has nothing to do with your speaking, but with their hearing. They need the microphone.

You see, the burden of delivering a message is on the person who is speaking (or writing). If your message is important enough for you to deliver it, then you are tasked with delivering it in the best way in which it can be heard. You don’t whisper to your neighbors that their house is on fire. You shout. You make yourself obnoxious and insistent. If you want someone to know you love them, you can’t do it in a mean or uncaring way.

God wants you to hear Him. He wants you to follow His leading. And the burden of His message is on Him. We do not find listening easy. He will find ways to lead us and get His message through.

So, relax. Very often, I come to the Lord in prayer and confess my density. I ask Him to break through the distractions and the dullness of my mind so that I hear. Then I realize that even that is not really necessary. I yield my heart to Him and ask Him to move me to follow Him. I don’t have to understand, but I do want to follow. So, I ask Him to move me in the right path. Then, I trust Him.

As I was writing this post, for example, I suddenly lost it all. The post, which was almost finished, simply disappeared. No matter what I tried, I couldn’t get it back. I’ve used a computer for writing for 42 years. That happens rarely, but it does happen. When it does, I have tried to remember to thank Him and begin again. Maybe I wrote something I should not have. Maybe a different message was needed. Rather than complain and feel loss, I have usually been able to accept that as His leading.

Failure, interruption, distraction. All these uncomfortable things may be leading from the Lord. Trust Him. Let Him lead you. You don’t need words. You don’t need understanding and reason. You just need Him. And He is with you.

Lord, Speak to Me

A Word for Wednesday

Ask.

“You have not because you ask not.” That’s what Jesus said. If you want to hear His voice, to receive His leading, then ask.

Last week, a good question was asked: “What if I can’t hear His voice?” There are those times, right? In fact, there are a lot of those times.

My mom and I had an agreement that I would be home when she came to the end. She would tell me, and I would come. She did, and I did. I sat by her bed in the hospital barely knowing that she knew I was there. I could talk with her, but she didn’t answer. Until I told her I loved her. She said, and these were her last words to me, “I love you too.”

There is a difference between someone talking and someone hearing. There are times in our lives when we just can’t hear. We are barely hanging on. The distractions are too great. The emotions are too loud. The struggle is almost overwhelming. That “still, small voice” seems to be silent.

We want assurance. We want guidance. We want words of comfort. But sometimes all we get is silence. David understood. Even Jesus understood. That doesn’t mean the Lord has abandoned us or is ignoring us. It means we simply can’t hear right now.

So, ask Him to speak a word of love. It might be a thought, a word from a friend, a simple “coincidence,” or an outright miracle. But He will give you something. Something will break through, a tiny ray of light or a memory of music, something to let you know the Lord is with you in your struggle. He is not far away. He is with you.

When you ask, don’t demand the whole list of answers you want. Don’t expect some commendation for your hard work. Don’t expect detailed explanations for what you are going through. Chances are that you won’t be able to understand the information you receive anyway. You don’t need answers, you just need presence. Just listen for a small word of love. That will be enough. You will know that you are not alone.

The Lord is with you. That’s His promise. Accept any small whisper of love that gets through the craziness.

I have been with many people as they neared the end of their earthly lives. So often, just holding hands is all the communication of love they hear. They just want to know that they are not alone, that someone cares.

And, really, that’s all we need. Just to know that Jesus is with us. Just to know that we are not alone. A gentle squeeze on our hand, a whispered word of love, a glimpse of beauty. If we are willing to accept these things, we can know that He is with us.

The Master’s Voice

A Word for Wednesday

I want to hear my Master’s voice and listen only to Him.

I am confident that you would join me in that desire. We have been considering the various voices that speak into our hearts and minds. I don’t want to listen to the evil one. I don’t want to follow the world. I don’t want to be manipulated by the desires of my flesh. I just want to hear my Lord.

In times of confusion and uncertainty, in times like today, we need the assurance and comfort that come from knowing the Master’s voice. Let me suggest a few things that might help.

First, what has the Master said? His voice today will be consistent with His voice in the past. What He warns us against and desires for us will be the same as it has been. The world changes, and our flesh is not to be trusted, but the Lord remains the same. His concern for us is the same “yesterday, today, and tomorrow.” Knowing the truth of what He says about us is important. When He says that He loves us, that He has accepted us, that He welcomes us with joy into His presence, we can believe that. Nor do His feelings toward us change when we do something stupid or sinful.

So, ask yourself: Is this what Jesus has said before? Did His “everlasting love” stop? Is He still concerned about the effect of sin in our lives? Did He suddenly or even gradually change His mind?

Second, His voice is always one of love for His people. Always. Always. Yes, I know there are preachers who would challenge that. They suggest that sin will make Jesus stop loving us, that we might still be saved (maybe) but we better prepare for an angry scolding. They are wrong. They think that message is the only way to keep you from sin. They are wrong. No believer should ever be made to think they have been separated from the Lord’s love by their actions. It will be love that draws us back to Him.

You are the “apple of His eye.” You are the “pearl of great price.” You are His child, His beloved. That has not and will never change. You might suffer earthly consequences from your sin or the sin of others, but Jesus will be with you through it all. He will not let you go.

Finally, whenever the voices accuse or shame you, whenever they suggest something evil, ask yourself what kind of thinking that is. Someone used to talk about “stinkin’ thinkin.” Stinkin’ thinkin’ is when you call yourself names and belittle your value. Stinkin’ thinkin’ is when you dream about revenge or commiting sin. The voices lead to that kind of thinking. In that thinking, they can manipulate your heart.

Instead, affirm what you know the Savior thinks of you. Let His mind, His way of thinking, be yours. The future is always hopeful. The good is always in your day. Blessings abound for you. These are not just nice things to think; they are statements of truth. The Lord is always strong, always wise, and always good on your behalf. You can trust Him. And you can hear His voice when you allow His thoughts in your mind.

When the other voices tempt you to worry, remember the great love of God. Remember that Jesus loves your child, your grandchild, your spouse more than you do. Remember that His way is the good way. Remember that He walks with others on their paths just as He has walked with you.

It really isn’t that hard to hear the voice of the Master. We just need to look to Him and remember who He is. Every other voice will fade away.

Panic

A Word for Wednesday

According to one source, the Greek god Pan had a “stentorious” voice. That means it was loud and strong. We usually think of Pan as a musician, but he was also supposed to have had great power in his voice. It was terrifying. When Pan wanted, he could cause armies to run away from battle in great fear. He could make strong men tremble. He could cause, well, panic. (And, yes, that’s where the word comes from.)

The power of the voices in our lives can hardly be dismissed. They shout words of fear into our hearts with lies and suggestions and confusion. They whisper divisions between friends and family members. The world wants us to be afraid so it can offer its answers. The evil one wants us to look to his influences rather than our Lord’s. The flesh feeds on adrenaline and endorphines and dopamines that it produces by moving us to anger and fear. These voices do have power.

In the last post I wrote about waking at 3AM. How many times have you been awakened by a shout or loud noise in a dream or one that seemed to fit into a dream? Your child screams. Your spouse says your name. Your friend accuses you. Then, you wake up in a panic.

Of course, panic doesn’t always happen at night. Sometimes it builds slowly. The voice gets stronger and louder, especially as you think about the problem. Panic grows in your heart and mind.

Now, for the most part, I am not writing about “panic attacks.” Those are often the result of physical or chemical events in the body. Several illnesses and conditions can create feelings of panic, which are often interpreted by the sufferer as outside threats. Medications, diet, and other methods help people overcome this physically caused panic. If you experience what seems like a physical panic, you should talk with a good doctor.

But even in those times, the voices offer the problems for the mind. The hints and suggestions and whispers from the voices become shouts of despair and anxiety. Somewhere the idea of not having enough entered into our thinking, for example. That becomes a focus in times of panic. Whether in the middle of the night or at a time of physical weakness, our thoughts focus on finances. Sometimes it may be insecurity in a relationship. Sometimes the health issues become fearsome. The voices supply the focus.

And the opportunistic abusers know how to manipulate people who suffer from these thoughts and feelings. They feed on the weakness they sense when a certain topic comes up and work to make sure it comes up more. Panic causes vulnerability and, often, bad decisions. When we can look at those thoughts and feelings with the understanding that they are not our own, we may find the strength to avoid or step away from the abuser.

I am often impressed by the wisdom of the ancient peoples. They understood things about our feelings and thoughts. They knew enough about the fears we suffer to know that it is an outside voice that causes panic. Give the feeling the name of a god to show that it is not from us. In other words, those feelings come from the voices outside.

And, if the voice is outside and the feeling comes from outside, then we are free to reject them. I’m not suggesting that it will be easy, just that we do not own the panic nor are responsible for it.

I am not one to suggest that we should address the voices. That seems as though it would open us to easy manipulation. No, we should talk with Jesus. To Him, we can acknowledge that the voices are telling us things that cause fear and pain. Then we can ask Him to remove any power those voices have and give us comfort concerning whatever has come into our minds.

WCS Syndrome

A Word for Wednesday

I thought I made that up. WCS stands for “Worst Case Scenario.” I didn’t make it up, though. It is actually referred to as a syndrome online. It means “catastrophic thinking.” Ok, I’ve been there.

You know what I mean. Something happens and almost immediately your mind goes to the “what-ifs.” All kinds of ideas begin to roll in your head. Most of them are bad, maybe all of them. Some of them are outrageous, at least other people seem to think so. But, you know, what if?

Some people suggest that this catastrophic thinking is a learned response or even a genetic response to confusion, perhaps designed to prepare us for negative situations. Preparing ourselves for danger seems like a good thing.

Suppose you are driving and you see a car moving slowly on the shoulder in front of you. You begin to think about what might happen. This happens very quickly. If you panic and swerve away from the car on the shoulder, you might pull into the path of someone in the next lane. That would be a bad thing. If you just keep a little closer eye on the car on the shoulder in case it begins to move your way, and you look to see how you might avoid it if it should pull out into your lane, you might avoid trouble. Planning is different from worrying.

The 3AM worry time is so common in our culture that there are many theories to explain it. I’ve heard that it comes from normal sleep patterns, that it relates to high cortisol, and that the devil is awake and active at that time. Whatever causes us to wake in the middle of the night to begin to entertain disturbing thoughts, it seems to be almost universal. But I don’t see it as helpful.

One thing about that time period is that we are unable and/or unwilling to do anything about the problems our mind presents. We are too tired, the people we need are trying to sleep, our options are limited. So, we just stay in bed thinking. The more we think about the problem, the harder it is to get back to sleep. The harder it is to get back to sleep, the more we think about the problem. The what-ifs grow into unreasonable proportions. The catastrophic thinking seems to have no normal restraints. Monsters grow at 3AM.

I usually get up or read a while when that happens. I pray and give the problem to the Lord. I ask Him to show me what I need to do about it when I have the opportunity to do something. For the most part, that works for me. I know others write things down because writing them forces us to look at the monsters logically. Some get up and take a small dose of melatonin. Whatever works, I guess.

But where do those ideas come from? I certainly don’t want to think about them. I really don’t think the Lord has an interest in tormenting me in the middle of the night. Am I really that worried and just need to work things out when I can’t think of anything else? Probably not. No, I think something else is happening.

I read something interesting. An article suggested that waking up in the middle of the night was often caused by a sleep cycle coming near to a waking time, but the timing was not a normal time to get up. So, the disorientation that came from it still being dark and the silence of the night caused a moment of panic. That panic motivated us to look for the danger…and the voices provided one or more dangers for us to think about.

Panic, even the momentary impulse that comes from waking in the dark, seems to make us vulnerable to negative ideas that come from our past or the world around us. Then, because we are vulnerable and our normal defenses are compromised, our reasoning through on the problems becomes flawed. The monsters, which may not exist at all, become real and terrible. Small worries become large. Confusion becomes fear. Hurts become attacks.

In the light of day and reason, almost all of the problems we face at night either go away or shrink to a manageable size. We fear that we have forgotten something very important, but in the morning we check to see that we did it already. Or we realize we can still get it done without penalty. Or the penalty isn’t that bad. The harsh words that came our way, the criticisms that we felt, can be understood and mediated in the light.

The voice that brings you the fearsome and unsolvable problem in the middle of the night is not the voice of the Spirit. Yes, there are rare times when the Spirit might move you in a dream, but that is both rare and positive. And the visions that the Scriptures talk about are almost always during times of intense prayer, not sleep. The Spirit is not a tormentor.

So, that’s an important clue that should help us deal with these catastrophic thoughts. Are they from the Lord? If not, then we should step back from them. The panic that grows in us is not a helpful response to the problem. Instead, we must take these things to the Lord. He relieves our burdens, comforts our souls, walks with us through our troubles, and delivers us from danger. All of these are promises.

Different but not so far off…

A Word for Wednesday

I continue to write stories for children in the series “Alric and the Prince.” I thought this one, which is unpublished and not fully edited, might fit well with our current theme. So, this is something different for the blog which you might enjoy. In fact, you might find it helpful.

When you are worried

Alric woke up in the middle of the night and couldn’t go back to sleep. He didn’t want to wake his mother, so he just stayed in bed. In a few days, he was going to work with a man who built things out of wood. He would be using hammers and saws and other tools. Alric was not sure he would do well with that work.

As he lay in his bed, he began to think about all the different things he had tried to build. He made a box for his mom once, but it fell apart quickly. He made a special toy to give to the prince, but it turned out ugly and didn’t work. He had tried to make things that would help in the house, but they were not very nice. More and more, Alric thought he wouldn’t do well with the builder.

In the morning, Alric’s mom noticed that he seemed tired. “Didn’t you sleep well?” she asked.

“Not really,” said Alric. “I woke up when it was still dark and couldn’t get back to sleep.”

“Were you worried about something?”

“Well, I guess. What if I’m not good at building things? What if the builder thinks I can’t do the work?” Alric shook his head. “What if I break something or make something wrong?”

Alric’s mom said, “Well, that’s why you have to learn. No one is good at something without learning. It takes time and practice to make nice things.”

“I know,” said Alric. “What if it takes me too long?” Since he was done eating, Alric went outside to do his chores. His mom just let him think. He was getting older and had to work some of these things out on his own.

But, as the day with the builder grew closer, Alric was not doing better. He still had trouble sleeping, and he didn’t feel like talking.

When word came from the palace that the prince wanted some time with Alric, Alric’s mom agreed quickly. She knew Alric might not want to go, but she also knew that the prince knew just when Alric needed him.

As Alric got ready to leave to see the prince, his mom said, “Alric, ask the prince if he has seen any waddeffs lately.”

Before Alric could answer, his mom went back into the house. Alric walked all the way to the palace wondering what a waddeff might be. He thought it was some kind of small animal or maybe a certain plant that had thorns. Alric didn’t know if he should be worried about waddeffs or not. But the prince would know.

It was always so good to go to the palace and play with the prince. As Alric grew older, he and the prince talked more. They might walk the paths in the palace woods or try to catch frogs or count how many of a certain bug they saw. After a bit, Alric remembered his mother’s question.

“My mom wanted me to ask if you had seen any waddeffs lately,” Alric said. “I don’t even know what a waddeff is,” he added.

“No, I haven’t seen hardly any,” said the prince. He looked around like he was looking for a waddeff. “I hear of them. Lots of people talk about them. But I don’t see many.”

“Are they bad?” asked Alric.

“Not always,” said the prince. “But most people only think about bad ones. They don’t usually remember a good waddeff.”

“But what are they?” asked Alric.

“Most waddeffs don’t even exist,” said the prince. “They aren’t real. People just think they are real, and they get worried. They look one place and think they see a waddeff. Then they look a different place and think they see another. The more they look for the waddeffs, the more they worry—and the more they worry, the more they think they see waddeffs.”

By this time, Alric was looking all around. He could see things moving, or at least he thought he saw things moving. “Should we go back inside the palace?” he asked the prince.

“No, Alric. You don’t have to be worried. There are no waddeffs here.” The prince smiled, but didn’t laugh. He didn’t want Alric to feel bad. “You see, waddeffs are things you make up to make yourself worried.”

Alric stopped walking. “But I don’t make things up so that I will worry. Who would do that?”

“Almost everyone does that,” said the prince, “and they really don’t have to. Let me give you an example. When do you go to work with the builder?”

“In just a couple of days,” Alric answered.

“And what have you been thinking about that?”

“Well,” started Alric, “when I am in bed at night, I do get worried about that. Sometimes I wonder what if I do a bad job or what if I don’t learn fast enough.”

The prince laughed, “There’s two waddeffs right there!”

Alric looked around. “Where?”

“You were just thinking of them,” said the prince. “Waddeff you do a bad job? Waddeff you don’t learn? Those are waddeffs!”

Alric closed his eyes. He started to laugh. “And waddeffs aren’t real?”

“Almost all of them are just ideas, just things to make you worried,” said the prince. “Once in a while, a waddeff will start to look real, but you have a chance to do something about it. Only very rarely does a waddeff ever show itself. Waddeffs are very good at hiding and pretending.”

“So what should I do when I think I see one?” asked Alric. He was beginning to understand.

“First, you call it by what it is, a “waddeff.” Then you remember that very few waddeffs are real. And, finally, you remember that the King and I are always watching out for you. We will help you to avoid the waddeffs. If one does turn out to be real, we will be there to help you deal with it.”

“So I don’t have to worry about the waddeffs anymore, right?” Alric had a big smile.

“That’s right! Almost all of them aren’t real, so you don’t have to worry about those. The few that might be real, you can trust us with.”

“Did my mom talk to you about this?” Alric wondered.

“Your mom talks with me a lot. The King and I always hear. That’s true for you also. You might not see us, but we hear. And, Alric, we always love you.”

If you are interested in more stories about Alric, the first book can be found on Amazon here. The second book will be out before the end of the year, and a third is in process.

Resonance

A Word for Wednesday

When this blog began, it was meant to focus on the general battle between legalism and grace in the local churches. I had encountered so many broken and confused people who desired a joyful life in the Lord only to find their walk troubled by comparisons, rules, and guilt. “Grace for the Heart” began over 20 years ago as a ministry to call out to and encourage those who just wanted more of Jesus. They were worn out from all the “work” of the faith, but didn’t want to give up on Jesus. There was a better way, a right way, and I wanted to help them find it.

At the same time, I began to work more with people who had encountered the dysfunction known as narcissism in their relationships. Some were married to narcissists. Others grew up in narcissistic homes. Some worked for narcissistic bosses. Others found themselves in churches led by narcissists.

What I discovered was that many of those who struggled against legalism were the same people as those who struggled against narcissism. They not only grew up with narcissistic parents, but also attended narcissistic churches. They not only married narcissists, they were involved with narcissistic ministries. All of this was subtle, but the connection could not really be ignored.

The two prongs of this “devil’s fork” have allowed a lot of words of teaching and encouragement over the years. The current theme of the various voices that speak into our lives comes from both sources. Both legalism and narcissism find their power by speaking into the lives of their victims.

And those messages work because they resonate with older voices that have paved the way. In other words, the legalist and the narcissist tap into judgments and shame that already exist within us. From the earliest words of our parents, to the comparisons we made in school or community, to the internal explanations of our failures, we were already open when the manipulative work of the legalist or the narcissist began.

The world, the devil, and even the flesh all tap into these old injuries and fears as well. The voices have no power except when they resonate with what we already believe about ourselves. Then they take advantage of that familiarity to worm their lies into our hearts.

When the narcissist tells his date that no one appreciates her like he does, she already believes at least part of what he says. She is already convinced of being unloved or unworthy. That gives him opportunity to convince her that he is different from others. His lies are more easily accepted because she wants to fill that void she has been feeling.

When the legalist tells his listeners they are lacking in certain “spiritual” things, they are usually well-prepared to accept his message. They feel the shame of their sin and weaknesses. They already see themselves as inadequate. So, they accept his teachings of new rules, new standards, new disciplines because they want to be rid of those feelings.

The only way to overcome these voices is to hear the truth of God’s love and grace in Jesus. When you finally accept that you are accepted, you can stop giving the manipulators and abusers access to your heart.

God loves you. Knowing all that you have done and will do, He loves you. Knowing your weaknesses and your past, He accepts you. That’s why Jesus came for you. He asks nothing of you which He will not give you. He forgives you. He heals you. He accepts you.

That’s the message of grace.