Family

It’s Narcissist Friday!

I suppose everything I wrote last week about friendships destroyed or damaged by the narcissistic relationship is true about family as well. Yet, it seems even more sad, even more of a loss.

Now, what I am about to say is with the understanding that your family is not the source of the narcissistic abuse. As the abuser works to separate you from your support, he/she has probably come against your family. I have talked with many parents grieving over the loss of their child to the control of the narcissist. They have watched as their child moves far away, stops receiving their calls, stops communicating in any way. They worry about both the harm and the change that seems to be coming to their child.

When you look around at what you lost because of that cruel relationship, you may find that your family is no longer there. Maybe you told them not to contact you. Maybe you were angry and unkind when they expressed their concern. And maybe they did say some things that hurt you. But now you wish you had them back.

It’s worth a try.

If your parents are still alive, tell them you are sorry. Tell them a little of what happened, not everything, but enough for them to understand how deceived you were. Then tell them you miss them. You might try this with your siblings as well. Be patient as they share their own pain from losing you. Maybe I’m too hopeful, but I think most families want to heal.

And what if your parents are gone now? What if you never got to say what you would like to say now? I am not one who thinks they are watching, but I do think it will help for you to tell them. Write them a letter, go to a special place and talk with them. Let yourself grieve for what you now realize you have lost. Then begin to move on. The day of reconciliation is coming. The day of peace. Begin to live there.

Before I leave this subject, I have to say something for those who understand that their family was the source of the narcissistic abuse. There is a special grief for those who realize that a parent was incapable of love. To understand that a parent was not a kind or nurturing support but a competitor or a jealous opponent is so hard. I have known mothers so angry about their own lives that they could not allow their daughters to find peace or joy. Their critical hearts worked to destroy their kids’ marriages and undermine any happiness.

When family is the problem, you may come to the place where you look around and realize that you never had the support you longed for, the love you needed. You never really lost it, because it was never there. The fantasies you created, the hopes you allowed, could never have been fulfilled. And your world, now that you see the truth, feels emptier.

All I can suggest is that you forgive them. Yes, they hurt you. Yes, they were cruel and uncaring. Yes, they neglected their parental responsibilities and made your life miserable. All of that is true, and the truth does not change when you forgive. But you lay the burden down.

There’s a reason the Lord is called our Father. Because the parent we need is Him. He has cared for us, loved us, supported us, the whole time. He has not abused us nor neglected us. So, we can go to Him to find what we could never find at home. In fact, because of Jesus, our real home has always been with the Lord.

I pray that your family relationships can be restored. I have seen many family healings, brothers and sisters and parents coming back together to remember the love they once shared. It can happen. I pray it happens for you.

And if you have to be separated from your family because they are truly the problem, forgive them and move on. Find your support in the Lord and in the good people He sends. Don’t keep trying to get something your family could never give.

Patience!

It’s Monday Grace!

Another celebrity has become a Christian. Good for him! Yay, Jesus! Is it real? How would I know?

Frankly, I am getting tired of the useless and hurtful debates that surround these conversions. There are so many expectations placed on these new converts, expectations we usually don’t hold so strongly for ourselves.

Neither you nor I live the way we “should.” Our thinking is still a mess. Our emotions still drive us to foolish actions. Our bad habits seem so hard to kill, and our good habits seem so hard to keep alive. Not only are none of us perfectly walking the Christian life, none of us is particularly close to doing a good job.

That’s what we need to remember, perhaps especially when we hear of celebrities coming to Jesus. But even more than that, we need to remember this when we start to feel guilty or ashamed of ourselves. Our joy must be found in Jesus, not in our performance.

Over the past months, I have been writing about the enemies that work against the assurance and joy—and victory—of the Christian life. We have looked at the influences of the world, the flesh, and the devil. They effectively derail our progress to feel good about our daily lives. They work hard to make us feel guilty, afraid, and inferior.

When Jesus washed the feet of His disciples, Peter tried to refuse. He didn’t think it was right that Jesus would wash him. But Jesus said that if Peter did not let him wash him, then he would have no part in Him. So, Peter asked Jesus to wash more than his feet. But there was an important point here for us. Jesus said that it would be enough to wash Peter’s feet because Peter was already clean. Only his feet were dirty.

You can read that story for yourself in John 13, but here’s how it helps me. I know that Jesus has washed me. I know that my sins are forgiven, all of them. I know that nothing more needs to be added to me in order for me to be eternally saved. But this daily life is like walking through the dirt. Where I connect with this world, which is so much of my life, I can use a regular washing. Not to be saved, but to be reminded of God’s amazing love for me, His grace that provides all I need.

Peter’s faith had already connected him to Jesus forever. Even before the cross, Peter belonged to Jesus and he was washed. But that daily walk meant that his feet—where he connected with the world—would need daily cleansing. That was a good thing.

It is not sinful to get the dirt of the world, the wandering of the flesh, or the temptations of the devil in our daily walk. It is normal. It does not change who we are. It does not affect our relationship with Jesus. But it does motivate us to go back to Him with our minds and hearts.

Be patient with yourself. Under grace, we do not take sin lightly. Anything that pulls our attention from Jesus is a danger to us and to those around us. We can get hurt, and we can hurt them. But a simple look to Jesus in faith, trusting His cleansing once again, gets us back to the walk we want.

You are not evil just because an evil thought comes into your head. Not even if you act stupidly on that thought. Because of Jesus, nothing can make you evil. But it can make you feel dirty. So, look to Him again. Thank Him for His eternal flow of cleansing water!

Friends

It’s Narcissist Friday!

Narcissistic relationships are hard on friendships. Especially your friendships.

Generally, narcissists and other abusers are afraid of the support structures in your life. Friends you brought into the relationship might support you against him. The narcissistic friend doesn’t want you to have other friends. Narcissistic parents want to control, even take over your friendships. All of this is so the narcissist can be the most important person in your life, the only supply for your needs.

When you finally get out of the narcissistic relationship, either by your own escape or the rejection from the abuser, you have to reassess your resources and opportunities. You also have to look around for support. What you will probably find is that those people who used to be your friends have either turned against you or abandoned you.

Some of them have become the friends of the abuser. That is surprisingly common and a great victory for the narcissist. To “convert” your friends into his/her supporters is a crafty move. Frankly, the magic of the narcissist is affirmed whenever this happens.

Some of them you rejected yourself. You refused their cautions, pushed them away, and made them feel unwanted. The “pleasures” the narcissist provided became an addiction that blinded you to their kindness and concern.

Some of them couldn’t handle the drama of your life in relationship with the narcissist. It was just too much for them to watch as you changed. They were afraid that rejection was just around the corner or that they would be drawn into your turmoil.

And you don’t know why others are no longer there. Did the narcissist do something, say something? Did your friendship wither away as you worked so hard to rationalize your situation or protect yourself?

Whatever the reasons, the landscape around you has changed. After the narcissistic relationship, you don’t seem to be able to go back to the life you had before. One of the most important parts of life before is gone, your friends.

Friendships are complicated, almost living, organisms. They need to be nurtured, cultivated. They need proximity or shared experiences. In order for friendships to stay the same, life needs to stay the same. But, of course, life doesn’t stay the same. And nothing is the same when the narcissist comes into your life.

So, what do you do? First, you admit the truth to yourself. Accept the fact that, to keep the narcissistic relationship, you let go of the others. Maybe not purposefully. Maybe you didn’t reject your friends. Maybe you were sad to lose touch with them. But you spent so much of yourself to try to make the crazy relationship work. Or you admit that the narcissist used his/her “super-powers” to turn your friends away from you. It happens. Or you admit that some of your friends needed your support at a time when you couldn’t give much. Or you admit that some of them simply weren’t able to last for the long haul. Admitting the reality of the situation does help.

Then, gently, check to see what’s left. Give them a call. Send them a note. See if there is any spark or interest in renewing the friendship. It might not be the same, but it might be worth trying. You might be led to apologize, and apologies are easy when you have little to lose. You might not get an apology, and that might be okay. Don’t invest your whole heart in regaining the old friends. It probably won’t work with very many, but one or two will love to hear from you again.

And you can make new friends. You will be careful. You are smarter now. Avoid those who push, whether they push you for details you don’t want to share or push you deeper into the relationship than makes you comfortable. It is worth the risk and, if you are careful and strong, you don’t have to get hurt again.

Friendships are important. Be a friendly person. Be willing to take an extra moment to smile, to help, to say a kind word. You might be surprised at the doors that open.

And remember that others get hurt also. They might not wear their pain where others can see (do you?) but they might be afraid too. Gentle, slow, kind—this is the best way to move into a new relationship. Watching for red flags is wise. You are not desperate. You have time. Being by yourself is not a bad thing. And, of course, you are never truly alone. You are greatly loved!

The End of the Devil

It’s Monday Grace!

The devil has an end. I said that last week. There will be a time when the evil one will not work against us. His end is coming.

For most believers, the devil is the personification of evil. Not that all evil is done by the devil. No, there are other forces, and we have had our part. But evil seems to be blamed on the devil in the beginning, and evil will continue as long as he continues. It is important that we believe and remember that evil has an end.

It’s hard for most of us to imagine the terror of wondering if the next bomb will hit where we are hiding or the horror of being kidnapped and trafficked. The evil that people do to each other is hard to think about. It seems like new and nastier things happen every day.

But one day that will all end.

I actually don’t know how the devil will meet his end. The Scriptures speak of him being thrown into the lake of fire. Some people think he will be annihilated, along with any who have followed him. Some think he will burn forever. Some even think the devil will convert and bow before the Lord. (I don’t see that last one anywhere in Scripture, but even that would end the devil.) The point is that there is an end to the evil and to the one who has caused and nurtured evil throughout the ages.

And that’s good news.

This is not hopeful thinking, not just a happy ending for a difficult story. This is fact. The day of glory is coming. The evil around us will end.

Today, bad people seem to get their way. They cheat, they lie, they abuse, they manipulate. They hurt others without remorse and have no intention of stopping. But they will stop. It will end.

Today, you might be struggling with the evil around you. Your pain and suffering is real, just as is the pain and suffering we so often hear about around the world. The Lord has not forgotten you. There will be an end to your pain.

Yes, I know that the end might be when we leave this world. That would certainly be okay with me. When that time comes, I want to have a smile on my face. I want to laugh at the evil one and leave him behind. Death, for the believer, is simply a passing from this world to the continual and glorious presence of Jesus. I am not certain what that will look like, but I am certain it will be very good. So, if the evil of this world ends when I die, that’s fine with me.

But there will also be a comprehensive end to evil and the devil in this world. The pain and suffering, the cruelty and abuse, will stop. All evil is temporary.

The love of Jesus is forever.

Hope that is placed in Jesus, in the promises He gives, is secure hope. It will be done.

Environmental Abuse

It’s Narcissist Friday!

I struggled with naming this category. There are lingering struggles that come out of narcissistic relationships that are not necessarily mental, emotional, or physical. They affect victims in these ways, of course, but they are not primarily focused in one of these areas. So, I am thinking about “coincidental” abuse, abuse that coincides with the others; or “circumstantial” abuse, abuse that comes out of the circle of effect of the narcissistic relationship. And now you see why I chose the word “environmental.” I mean abuse that has left a changed environment, life situation, for the victim.

When the tornado passes through an area and the residents are interviewed, you will often hear the words, “I don’t know what I am going to do now.” People feel lost, disoriented. The familiar landmarks are gone. It is hard to find the way to well-known places. Nothing is the same. Even rebuilding doesn’t restore what used to be.

That’s how many people feel as they come out of a narcissistic relationship. The comfort and support of the world around them has been taken away. So much has been damaged, most beyond repair. It’s hard to know where to start.

That feeling of fear and weakness, of confusion and doubt, is normal. It’s normal with any significant life change, but it is accentuated after the abuse of the narcissistic relationship. No one should feel ashamed or inferior because they feel this weakness.

In fact, that’s a purposeful part of the abuse. The narcissist/abuser didn’t want you to have anything left. He/she wanted you to be dependent on the relationship. By taking away everything you thought was yours, he/she tried to force you to feel inferior and empty apart from the relationship. It is important to understand that these struggles are not simply “coincidences,” but are part of the abuse.

So, we will look at some of these things. Like any of the rest of these, they won’t affect every victim of narcissistic relationships. At the same time, they will affect many, and they will affect people in all kinds of these relationships.

The Battle

It’s Monday Grace!

The devil has an end coming. Evil will cease. We will leave our flesh behind, and this world will be no more. The day of joy is coming.

Over the past few months we have been looking at the primary attacks on our assurance and faith that come from the flesh, the world, and the devil. These are real influences that try to drag us down. Too often, they are successful. They affect our thinking, our perspectives. They push us to discouragement, to anger, to lust, to all kinds of wrong thinking.

In other words, why don’t we live in constant joy and power? Why don’t we experience constant victory and peace? Because we have enemies.

Suppose you inherited a very special piece of property, a paradise that blessed you in every way. This place is yours, set up just the way you want it. But, as you move in expecting to live every day in bliss, you discover that you have a nasty neighbor who doesn’t want you there. He has wanted your property for himself for a long time. Now that you have moved in, he is angry, bitter, and vindictive. He begins to do things to trouble you. He digs pits for you to fall into. He tears down what you build. He tries to contaminate your water and soil and air. He knows he cannot drive you out, so he decides to make you miserable.

Now, how much peace and security and joy would you feel in that situation? The beautiful place is yours. The neighbor cannot touch you. Yet, every day you wonder what the next attack will be.

Others tell you that you must take authority. You must remind yourself that your paradise is truly yours and cannot be taken away. You can appeal to the higher authorities to limit what your nasty neighbor can do. These work, for a while. But the neighbor watches for opportunities. He is patient and dedicated. He is ruthless.

I don’t mean for this to be a discouraging look at the Christian life. The beauty of our relationship with the Lord is real and very good. We have so much to enjoy. Our Lord is extravagant with His kindness. But we do have enemies, and those enemies work to ruin our days.

The answer might be often heard, but it is not trite or meaningless. Keep your eyes on the Lord who loves you. Remember that paradise is yours. It has not changed, no matter how much the enemies try to ruin it for you. Don’t focus on the enemies or what they say and do. Focus on the goodness of the Lord. It is not difficult to stop to give thanks, to remember His blessings, even in the middle of pain and suffering. I have known many people who lived in pain or trouble, but continued to enjoy the very present love of Jesus.

You and I can know the goodness of the Lord even while the enemies attack. We can remember the bounty of God’s love even in what seems like a battle. Daily life might have challenges, even constant challenges, but we are still embraced by Jesus. We are still forgiven, still under grace, still citizens of the kingdom, and still filled with eternal life. All that has been promised to us is still ours.

And, listen, the battle will end. More about that next week…

Age

It’s Narcissist Friday!

“Too soon old, too late smart.”

Age certainly comes on us quickly, doesn’t it? When we are young, thirty years seems like forever. Now, thirty years ago was 1994. Yesterday. Where does the time go?

A sad story I hear often is that the narcissist ties someone in a relationship for years and then suddenly leaves for someone else. The victim has been struggling to make things right for a long time. Too long, I suppose. Because thirty, or forty, or even fifty years has passed. And now what?

Now, you are old. At least you feel old. You look in the mirror and see someone you didn’t expect to see for a long time. Someone who thinks it is nearly impossible to start over. There isn’t time.

It seems to me that holding onto a relationship where you are just using the other person is a form of abuse, especially if you feel free to leave that relationship whenever you want. The narcissist cajoles and manipulates, promises and threatens, so that the victim feels trapped. There is no love and little pleasure, but the relationship doesn’t seem to end. Then, when it’s over—at the narcissist’s initiative—the victim feels spent.

Using someone until they feel worn out is abuse. Keeping someone trapped is abuse. And dumping that person arbitrarily when years have gone by is physical abuse.

Again, other forms of narcissistic relationships do this as well. I had an aunt who was “let go” from her job just before she could claim pension benefits. That was abuse. Pushing older employees out or requiring them to do jobs that are more and more difficult until they have to quit or leave because of physical problems is also abuse.

I have even seen this in churches. Older denominational leaders or pastors pushed aside by younger people just at a time when it is nearly impossible to find another job. Older church leaders pushed aside just because of their age. We can call it age discrimination and rail against it, but it happens all the time.

Let me tell you the good news, especially if you find yourself out of a marriage and socially “on the street.” I have heard almost as many stories of people who have found true companionship later in life, perhaps a marriage that brings more joy in the last few years of life than the other one did for so many years. If the drive for intimacy has lessened, you are free to form deep friendships even without marriage. Both men and women are greatly blessed by special friendships that go beyond the surface but stop before intimacy. To find the friend the narcissist could never be is something very special.

We live in a day when no one is really on the shelf who doesn’t want to be there. Older people may not be able to find high-paying jobs or perform high-energy jobs, but they can often find workplaces that provide income and friendship. If you are financially secure, you can volunteer and bless others with the energy and love you have to share.

Your life is not over. Yes, being rejected because of age is a type of physical abuse. But there are ways to find what you need. Just don’t give up. You are of great value to the One who loves you.

The Discourager

It’s Monday Grace!

vasovagal syncope

Medical personnel and sufferers will know what that means.  Basically, it’s a primary reason people faint.  Something happens to trigger a fear response.  The vagus nerve signals for the blood vessels in the body to dilate, become larger.  That reduces blood pressure and blood begins to move to the lower parts of the body.  That means the brain has less blood and receives less blood, causing light-headedness or a blackout.  Once the body is in a horizontal position, the nerve relaxes and the blood system returns to normal.  The fainting spell usually doesn’t last long, but the embarassment might last a while.

            I have my guesses as to why the body is made to do this when we encounter something disturbing, but I have already stepped past my realm of expertise.  Let it be enough to say that fear causes physical stress that affects our hearts.  Disheartening.  Or in the Latin equivalent, discouraging.

            The devil is a discourager.  He takes advantage of our fears and worries to drain the power from our hearts.  When our hearts weaken, our resolve and assurance are weakened as well.  We may not fall down in a faint, but we might try to hide away or decide not to go forward with what God is leading us to do. 

            Again, the devil is not all-powerful nor present everywhere.  He does not have to touch you to make you worry about illness or danger.  He may just put a discouraging word in a news item for you to see.  He works in rumors and lies.  He affects our perspective of our enemies so that we see them as much larger than they are.  He darkens the hope of the future so that we fear tomorrow.  He overwhelms us with bad news so that we forget the good news of the Lord’s love. 

            But the Lord renews our hearts.  He is our strength and hope.  He promises good to us.  When we look to Him, we see His smile and remember that we are safe in His hands.

“And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.” (Galatians 6:9, NKJV)

            Keep going forward.  Keep looking to Jesus.  The good is coming.  The investment will pay off.  Pray without ceasing.  I have heard people use this verse to discourage others.  They suggest that those who lose heart will not be saved.  The truth is that this is about following the Lord through trials and trouble.  Keep going because stopping, losing heart, will get you down. 

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day.” (2 Corinthians 4:16, NKJV)

            We may be growing older, but as we look at Jesus we leap and rejoice as young people.  When you find that your body is failing, remember that your future is brighter every day.  Your hope is in the love of your Lord. 

            Don’t lose heart.

            Psalm 91 is a wonderful encouragement for anyone who struggles.  The promises of the Lord are sure. 

“He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress; My God, in Him I will trust.” Surely He shall deliver you from the snare of the fowler And from the perilous pestilence. He shall cover you with His feathers, And under His wings you shall take refuge; His truth shall be your shield and buckler. You shall not be afraid of the terror by night, Nor of the arrow that flies by day, Nor of the pestilence that walks in darkness, Nor of the destruction that lays waste at noonday. A thousand may fall at your side, And ten thousand at your right hand; But it shall not come near you. Only with your eyes shall you look, And see the reward of the wicked. Because you have made the Lord, who is my refuge, Even the Most High, your dwelling place, No evil shall befall you, Nor shall any plague come near your dwelling; For He shall give His angels charge over you, To keep you in all your ways. In their hands they shall bear you up, Lest you dash your foot against a stone. You shall tread upon the lion and the cobra, The young lion and the serpent you shall trample underfoot. “Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore I will deliver him; I will set him on high, because he has known My name. He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him, And show him My salvation.”” (Psalm 91:1–16, NKJV)

Sexual Abuse

It’s Narcissist Friday!

Money and sex. Those seem to be the top two issues for married couples. I suspect that’s because both topics are already compromised, already damaged, by the time people get to marriage. We will look at money in narcissistic relationships later. Let’s talk about sex.

Apparently, sex is the greatest thing anyone can ever experience—or—sex is an evil beyond all others. For too many young people, sex is both. That’s what they learned from their parents, from the church, from the other kids, from the television, and from so many other places in their world. For most, sex is a disappointment.

The expectations and baggage attached to sex makes for a powerful tool in the narcissist’s hand. The common story is that the narcissist pressures a date into sex, then controls her with the strange combination of guilt and love she feels. (And, believe me, this happens to young men as well.) The bond sex creates is strong, but the shame can be just as strong. That confusion allows the narcissist/abuser to manipulate.

Instead of sex being a normal and natural part of a marriage relationship, the narcissist sees it as both a way to get attention and a way to control or humiliate. Sex tells the narcissist he/she is desirable and powerful. Taking sex, which is what the narcissist often does, is an affirmation of superiority. Withholding sex is a method of humiliation and control.

This is a big subject, one worthy of its own book. I would have made this its own category of abuse except that it doesn’t happen in all forms of narcissistic relationships. But, the ways narcissists use and abuse the intimacy of marriage (or other relationships) are many. Some get a kick out of hurting their partner during sex. Some refuse sex so their partner feels shame or inferiority. Some demand sex as a way of feeding their own lusts for control. Some cannot be content with only one partner, especially the same one for a long time. Some want more and more “variety” in the intimacy, often to the point where the partner feels shame and disgust.

Perhaps how a person views sex is a reflection of their own brokenness. The narcissist is even more conflicted about sex than his or her partners. It must be the best, but will probably be the worst. Any negative must be the fault of the other, but the narcissist suspects his own inadequacy.

The intimacy of a marriage relationship is supposed to be something special, even beautiful and fun. It should not be a burden for either partner. Neither should be desperate for it and neither should reject it. It’s supposed to be good.

Now, I have to say what I have said before. Sex outside of marriage is more than a sin, it is a strong indication that one or both people are allowing internal struggles to be manipulated. If you feel pressured into sex outside marriage, you should seriously question the kind of relationship you are in. Narcissists push intimacy. They can’t wait for you to be ready. They must have what they want or they feel rejected and inferior. To avoid feeling that, they will push harder, threaten, or leave. Let them leave.

I haven’t even mentioned the even more broken kinds of sexual abuse. Any adult who takes advantage of a child or a weaker person deserves severe punishment. Again, the narcissist/abuser does not see the victim as a person, but as something to be used. This is the “heart” of the narcissist.

Sexual abuse, whether in marriage or outside, is physical abuse and more. Narcissistic relationships lead to far more sexual abuse than anyone talks about. Whether it is touching or sexual comments or actual attacks, the abuser should be held accountable.

Fear

It’s Monday Grace!

We have been considering reasons why it is difficult for us to live in the assurance and joy of the Christian life. There are actually forces that work against us. We considered the compromises and desires of the flesh, the pressures of the world, and now the attacks of the devil. While the peace and joy are there for us, and we have every right to live in them, these forces do their best to weaken our assurance and lessen the blessing.

As we consider the devil and his work against us, we really cannot ignore the power of fear. Even those who believe are susceptible to fear when it comes in certain ways. You may not be afraid of not having enough food to eat, but are you afraid of disease or accidents? Or how about attacks against your children? We are bombarded with reasons to fear.

It is difficult to avoid the fear-mongering of the media. They have learned that fear sells. If you hear about thieves in your neighborhood, you will be checking social media or checking your news sources to learn more. And what happens when the weather people announce a chance of heavy snow or high winds? We have to watch the news to see how bad things are going to be, how bad they are, and how bad they were. And, all the while, advertisements rush past our eyes and into our minds.

It doesn’t take an election year anymore for the politicians to try to make us afraid. They create the problems, convince us that the problems are ready to destroy what we hold dear, and then promise to solve the problems for us. And it’s all about fear.

The lion roars to establish his territory and to frighten away opponents. The roar can be heard miles away. No wonder the Scripture tells us that the devil is “a roaring lion seeking someone to devour.” His desire is to dominate through fear.

And no wonder the Bible tells us over and over not to be afraid. Someone has said that it says that 365 times, once for every day. But the constant threats wear us down, don’t they? Will I have enough to retire? Will my children be happy? Will illness destroy my peace? On and on, every day. The more you listen to the radio, the more you watch the television, the more you talk with friends, the more you are told to be afraid.

Obviously, with a God as big as ours, who loves us as much as He does, we have nothing to fear. There is nothing in this world that is strong enough to threaten us. We just have to remember that. The world wants us to forget.

So, ask the Lord for peace. Ask Him for assurance. Then listen when He gives you these things. Go to Him when you are afraid, but also go to Him regularly to avoid becoming afraid. Our God is stronger than anything that comes against us.

One of my favorite verses is the simple words of Psalm 56:3. Let me share it in context.

“My enemies would hound me all day, for there are many who fight against me, O Most High. Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You. In God (I will praise His word), in God I have put my trust; I will not fear. What can flesh do to me?” (Psalm 56:2–4, NKJV)