A Claim to Offenses

A Word for Wednesday

The teenage girl sits in the mall alone wondering if she should go home. Words were said, hurtful things. Nothing new. She believes it will never change.

A young man sits down near her and begins to talk. Nothing much at first, but she finds him to be a good listener. Soon, she is telling him her troubles. He is so kind, so understanding. Not like her parents at all.

I wish this were fiction, but it has happened so many times. Maybe some of the details were different, but the story ends the same. An abuser has found a victim.

What I am about to write might be hard. As long as you hold on to offenses, there will be people in your life who will use those memories and emotions to control you. They may be overt, bringing up the pain again and again so you don’t forget and certainly do not forgive. Or they may be covert, saying things you want to hear, wish you could have heard from those others who hurt you. Either way, they will use your pain and memories against you. They will seek to separate you from your support and destroy relationships that could have been healed. All for their own purposes. No, they really do not care about you.

In the movies or on television, if the hero has an injury, the bad guy will often punch or twist to bring out the pain of that injury. The hero is made weak by the injury and the bad guy uses it. That’s how it works with bad guys.

Unlike a physical injury, an offense can be released. It is simple. Not easy, but simple. State the offense and the pain it caused and still causes. Then take all of it to Jesus. Lay it at His feet. Cry if crying helps. Anger is not unexpected. But, in the end, turn your back on the offense and leave it with Jesus. When the bad guy or the evil one brings it up again, remind yourself that you gave it to Jesus.

The devil will not want to lose his power in your pain. The world will tell you that you are a fool to release it. Even your flesh will be screaming in anger and frustration as you turn away. But they each have their purposes in keeping you weak. Don’t let them.

Your strength is in the love of Jesus. As He takes the offense from you, the burden is lifted, and you will begin to feel free. In that freedom, you will be able to find a new future of more peace and joy.

I know it’s easy to say. I know personally that it is very hard to do. But to take away the opportunities those offenses give to evil in your life, you have to give them to Jesus. He will deal with any justice or retribution. He will deal with your offender in His way and in His time. Trust Him.

Just let it go.

The Stigma of Inferiority

A Word for Wednesday

Some years ago, a woman in my church informed me that she and her family were choosing a different church. That happens a lot in most churches, but the reason was different this time. She said she felt that her family, particularly her children, were just not as good as the others in the church. I did try to tell her the right things, but she was convinced. Of all the things that happened in that church, I think that was one that concerned me the most.

Comparisons hurt. Just that. Always.

We are taught from early days to compare ourselves with others, and it always hurts. It hurts our hearts, and it hurts our relationships. In fact, many church people don’t know Christian relationships without these comparisons. Perhaps many have never known a relationship without comparison even out of the church. And, again, they always hurt.

The rich, the beautiful, the intelligent, the successful—all can be brought down by comparisons. So many people fail to find the joy of life because they believe they are inferior in some way.

But there should be no comparisons in the church! Of all places, in all our relationships, the church should be a place where we are all equal. We are all fully dependent on Jesus.

There is no one who has not sinned, the Scriptures say. And all who sin fall short of God’s glory. The most prideful preacher, the most sacrificial servant, the elder, the church boss, the worship leader—all have sinned and are totally dependent on Jesus for salvation. None, not one, can point to their goodness or accomplishments as credit.

No one in the church is better than another. There are no inferiors and no superiors. To be truly spiritual is to be aware of your continual need for a Savior and to be humble.

When someone who claims to be a Christian considers themselves to be better than another, they are showing the influence of their flesh and the lie of the devil. When they look down on you to humble you or control you, they betray the truth of themselves.

And listen: when someone who claims to be a Christian considers themselves to be less than another, they are showing the influence of their flesh and the lie of the devil. It simply cannot be true. Your righteousness, your worth, your contribution, is either all of Jesus or it is worthless. All the glory—all—goes to Him.

The manipulators and abusers would have you believe they are better and you are inferior. They use the stigma of inferiority to keep you from defending yourself or resisting their influence. As long as you think you are inferior, to them or to any other, you may feel weak. It is not humility that makes you feel inferior, it is shame. Humility helps you understand the need everyone has for a Savior.

Please don’t look down on yourself or your family or your job or your community or your church. You are not less than others. Others are not better than you. Look to Jesus. See His welcoming and affirming love.

The Shame of Weakness

A Word for Wednesday

In Revelation 3, the Lord addresses the church in Laodicea and reminds them that they are not as rich or as strong or as privileged as they think they are. Instead, they are in great need. They are poor and wretched, according to the Lord. The reason was that they were depending on themselves and their own strength rather than on Jesus.

I know that many people feel shame when they think of their weakness. I know that many preachers use that shame to humble their people and keep them in line. I know that abusers point to our weakness and evil ones lead us into temptation. Then they accuse us and shame us. But listen: there is no shame in weakness.

The world and the devil work on the flesh to cultivate weaknesses. You know what I mean. Bad habits. Wrong desires. Sinful thinking. We desire things we know will hurt us in the long run but bring us pleasure now. Then, we shame ourselves for our weakness.

Many believers, perhaps most, live in a cycle of desire, weakness, sin, and shame. They make new promises, accept new accountability, and then fall again. Many accept this cycle and their weakness as part of their inferiority. And they shame themselves.

Again: there is no shame in weakness.

Weakness is part of your flesh. On one hand, your flesh has been programmed to be weak in certain areas. On the other hand, the Lord never suggested that you would be able to succeed in your own strength—either before or after salvation.

Listen: what that means is that you are weak. He is the Strong One. You are not. You, apart from Him, are poor, weak, and wretched.

Now, be careful. I did not say that you are poor, weak, and wretched. I said you are such APART FROM HIM. But you are not apart from Him. Your flesh is apart from Him, not you. It is very important that you maintain a separation between your identity and your flesh. In Christ, you are strong and rich. However, since your flesh has not been and will not be redeemed, your flesh will always be weak.

Someone questioned my statement that our flesh has not been and will not be redeemed, but it is precisely the point the Lord is making when He separates the flesh and the spirit in us. When He tells us not to walk in the flesh, but to walk in the Spirit, He is reminding us that our flesh is part of this world. It is the way we learned to live apart from the Lord. It was programmed and cultivated in this world and by the values and concerns of this world. You will not deal with your flesh in glory.

What that means is that the real you, the one inseparably connected to Jesus, is as strong as He is…because He is your Strength. Your victory is always in Him.

Some people might challenge these ideas as excuses. Instead of telling people to blame the devil, I am suggesting that we should blame the flesh. But that is an explanation, not an excuse. We are called to leave the flesh behind even in this world. We are called to walk in, to live according to, the Spirit, rather than the flesh. Our understanding that weakness is part of our flesh should pull us to the strength of Jesus.

Yes, your flesh is weak. It sees something it desires and begins to make plans to get it. Your flesh remembers an offense and provides the negative emotions that build your adrenaline and feed your self-righteousness. Your flesh sees a concern and builds a fearsome scenario that causes you to protect yourself. This is what the flesh does and has always done.

You don’t have to live that way, but you will until you call it out. When you are able to acknowledge your weakness without shame and credit only your broken and unredeemed flesh, then you are free to look to Jesus and find His strength. The way to victory is not in trying harder, but in admitting that you feel this weakness and crying out to the One who loves you.

There is no shame in weakness. We are all weak. None of us can handle this life. Only Jesus can do that.

And He will do that for you. He will give you the strength to say no. He will give you the victory you can never find in yourself.

A Burden of Unforgiven Sin

A Word for Wednesday

I wonder if all of us have a certain sin or group of sins that we have real trouble believing God has forgiven. Usually something from the past, something that created a significant change in our lives. Perhaps the beginning of a sinful habit that continues to plague us. Perhaps a certain decision that changed everything.

You might know exactly what I am talking about. In fact, you might wish you could move past the memory and the effect of that sin. Why can’t you?

Once again, the voices (the world, the flesh, and the devil) continually remind us of what we did. We are told that our identity came in that moment, in that decision. The world holds us there because we fit into a category and carry a label that makes sense. In other words, you may be labeled by your sin. Even the church (yes, part of the world) seems to make you wear a mark for others to use. The divorced person, the person who has struggled with substance abuse, the person who has been incarcerated—they know. It’s like a scarlet letter that you are forced to carry.

And that’s just the world. The devil, and his workers, want to use that memory, that label, to manipulate and control you. Your failure at one point in your life becomes your liability for the rest of your life. I remember being told never to put a certain two people on the same committee in the church because many years before they had an affair. Now in their 80s, they were hardly interested in each other, but that didn’t matter. They carried their labels and suffered the manipulation of their hearts.

That’s what the flesh becomes used to. It may seem strange, but the flesh accepts shame and condemnation partly because it uses the limitations as an excuse for poor performance. We tell ourselves we struggle because of what happened in the past. I suspect that our flesh converts bad feelings into some types of affirmation, perhaps some type of dopamine or other chemical that becomes almost addicting. This is why we seem to replay embarrassing or hurtful experiences so often. There is a desire in the flesh to scratch the scab, so to speak. I also suspect that our flesh uses these painful memories to explain other pain that comes. I hurt now because of what I did before, for example. Whatever the reason, it is very difficult for our flesh to let go of our sins.

And this is what the narcissist and abuser and legalist use against us. As they remind us of our past, the voices chime in their own condemnation. Using the power of these voices, the manipulators control what we think of ourselves. They weaken our hearts and spirits for their own purposes.

Unforgiven sin. What is that for a Christian? What sins are unforgiven? The big ones, whatever they may be? The recent ones? The ones the manipulators find useful? And how did these particular sins escape the love of God in Jesus? Did we forget to name them at the proper time? Are they actually unforgiveable? What makes them different?

You see, if some sins are not forgiven in your life, then none of your sins are forgiven. The work of Jesus was complete or it was nothing. You died to your sin, to the whole package. Not just the individual sins, but the consequence and condemnation and shame of your sinfulness. No longer is sin in authority over you, either in power or in culpability. In other words, Jesus took you completely out of the realm of sin. You were washed. You were forgiven. Completely.

It is not possible for one of your sins to slip under God’s radar and still bring you condemnation. There is no unforgiven sin in your life, not even the one you just did. Even if you haven’t confessed it yet. The blood of Jesus Christ cleanses from ALL sin.

Release the burden and help others release their burdens. Why carry around something that is no longer part of you and can no longer lay claim to your soul? That sin has been washed with the blood, and God no longer sees it on your account. No matter what others say (the world), no matter what the devil whispers, and no matter what shame your own flesh tries to lay on you—you can no longer hold onto that sin. It is gone.

Fear of God’s Disfavor

A Word for Wednesday

One of the most surprising things I discovered in ministry was how many people would come to me to confess their sin. Now, I have never been in the role of a priest who hears confession and grants absolution. That’s not my tradition nor is it my doctrine. But it has happened so many times that I came to expect to know secrets.

I wondered why people would want to do this. Some of them came almost as soon as I came to the church. It seemed important to them to “air their dirty laundry,” so to speak.. As time went on, I began to understand.

Their goal was not so much forgiveness, but acceptance. They needed to know they were still welcome once the truth was known. It was almost a test to see if not only I, but God rejected them.

And the manipulators, narcissists, and abusers know that those who fear God’s disfavor are vulnerable. They know how to twist and control. If they can create anxiety or fear in the hearts of their victims, they can dominate them.

Many people live in uncertainty, or lack of assurance, because they live in fear of God’s disfavor. Preachers pull out verses that say no one who does such or such can inherit the kingdom. Abusers accuse victims of being unworthy. The religious system focuses on sin rather than the Savior.

But our God loves us! He loves us so much that He sent Jesus to die for us. In some amazing way, God became flesh to pay a price that would wash away our sins. Wash away, not just cover…not just hide until some future revelation. And not just the sins of the past but all our sins.

I don’t understand the love of God that keeps forgiving me. I don’t understand why He loves me at all. But I know He does because He tells me that throughout the Scriptures. He tells me that’s why He paid such an awful price.

What will separate me from the love of God? Nothing. Nothing in this world. Nothing in any other world. Nothing that I do. Nothing. God continues to love me even though I do things that show my lack of love for myself and for others. I cannot fall from His favor.

To be clear, I might miss blessings because of the wrong decisions I make, especially the sinful ones. I might go through tough times because of those decisions or practices. But I will never fall from His favor. He loves me.

You see, the very life in me is the life of Jesus. I have no other life, no other hope. All my eggs are in that one basket. All my investments are in Him. All the promises are from Him. I died, and the life I live today is the life of Jesus in me. I am still me, but alive only in Jesus.

So, nothing can change that now. Now, it isn’t up to me to keep myself in His favor. Even if He sees fit to discipline me or withhold something He would have given me, it will be because of that favor, that love.

And the day will come when I will see that all my sins have truly been washed away. They will no longer even be memories. As far as the east is from the west, my sins will be sent away, along with the guilt, the shame, the condemnation. As my flesh dies with the rest of this world, I will be free.

I know that many people have been taught to fear the loss of God’s favor. Teach them and yourself the truth of God’s amazing love!

To Be A Christian

A Word for Wednesday

Several events, news stories, and internet topics have come together in recent weeks to move my thinking toward what it really means to be a Christian. Much of the manipulation and deception that happens in the church centers around wrong ideas. The legalist teacher/preacher keeps his listeners confused about the truth of Christian identity. The “Christian” narcissist would have you believe he/she has some kind of access to or arrangement with God that you do not. By twisting the truth, these people keep their advantage and control.

And their victims suffer from lack of knowledge, as the Scripture says. Without assurance and understanding of truth, even true believers can be misled and discouraged by the lies.

Next year I will mark 50 years of pastoral ministry. Although I do not usually think of myself as a counselor, I have certainly talked with a lot of people about their marriages and their faith. I would suggest that the great majority of those I have counseled have struggled with assurance and victory. Most have confessed their sins in fear and anxiety. Most have found the love of God to be uncertain or even distant in their lives. And their doubt comes out of misunderstanding. Poor teaching seems to be the norm in the church today.

Many years ago I studied and taught in a program called “Evangelism Explosion.” It came from the ministry of Dr. D. James Kennedy in Florida and was a way to train people to share the gospel. The presentation centered around two questions: If you were to die today, do you know that you would go to Heaven? And, if you did die and were asked at the gate of Heaven why you should be allowed to go in, what would you say?

Now, we were taught that people who couldn’t answer those questions were almost certainly not Christians. Any fumbling doubts or attempts at bargaining would be evidence that the person didn’t understand what Jesus had done for them. While I find it hard to disagree with that assertion, I am deeply concerned that those doubts and attempts to bargain would be found throughout the church today.

And those doubts allow the manipulators and abusers to define our faith their way. If we don’t know enough to stand up for the truth about Jesus and His work in our own lives, then we are open to compromise and fear.

The narcissist will never let you forget your sin. He will use it, refer to it, as he pressures you into submission. The legalist will continually bring up new sins to charge you with, never content with any amount of repentance and change. For the manipulator, you must never be good enough, always be fearful, and live in expectation of rejection and judgment. They are the only real Christians, they want you to think. They actually put themselves in the place of God.

But no believer should allow a person other than Jesus to have that place. The only right Judge is Jesus…and He loves you and forgives you. This is what the believer must accept and live.

Only in Him

A Word for Wednesday

“Name it and claim it!” “Speak your best life into being.” “Agree with what you want to be true and it will become true.”

Grace teachers are accused of giving people false hope. Some say that grace teaching falls short because it doesn’t require the performance the Bible requires. Repentance and change, they say, are the key to everything believers are promised. Obedience and duty and service and consistency are required, they say. People will not become what we say or have what we say unless they pay the price.

They are wrong. The hope of the gospel is not false hope. Nor is it found in performance and obedience. It is found in Jesus. He has done the work. He has paid the price.

But some teachers who claim grace as their message do forget the one requirement: JESUS!

The life and freedom and joy offered by the message of grace is only found in Jesus. Only those who have come to Him in faith will exchange their life for the one He offers. And only those who have the life of Jesus will have the victory and forgiveness He offers.

You see, Christians are not people who have had a change of thinking. We have had a change of life. Our life-source is different. Not updated or fixed, but actually replaced. The old life in which we placed our hope is gone. The new life in us is Him. Eternal life doesn’t just mean living forever; it means living in Him. Because He is our Life, we share in His eternal life.

So, when I write about the things Christians have in Jesus I mean that those things are only in Jesus. They are not available to everyone apart from Him. No unbeliever can have them. No one who has not come to Jesus in faith has this new life. You have to be a Christian.

There are people who seem to forget this. They offer the blessings of the Christian life without the one requirement. It is not obedience or service. It is not church membership or duty. It is not avoidance of sin or abundance of good works. It is Jesus.

Jesus is a real Person who loves you. He came to offer Himself because of that love. He rose from the dead to call you to Himself. And, when you come to Him to exchange the life you think you have for the life He offers, He makes you a new creation. Only then are you forgiven and set free from sin. Only then do you have a future and hope in glory. Only then are you a Christian.

It sometimes feels like the message of grace is challenged from every side. There are those who want people to do enough of what they think is important in order to be saved. Then there are those who think all people somehow receive the blessings of the cross. But the message of grace doesn’t sell the gospel short on either side. It is focused on Jesus. He alone is the “Author and Finisher” of our faith and our life.

Only Jesus. He alone is our Hope and Strength.

Relax

A Word For Wednesday

“To have it all, you have to pay the price!” I remember Zig Ziglar challenging that way of thinking. He didn’t think it was wise to tell people to focus on the price, especially if you were trying to motivate them. Instead, he said we should focus on the benefits. Losing weight is not a process of diet and exercise and paying the price. It is a process of living healthier and lighter. Learning a skill is not a process of hard study and long hours, but a process of growing and becoming more available for opportunity. No wonder people loved to listen to him!

This way of thinking is even more important in the Christian life. It is not that we achieve the things Jesus promises us by paying the price but that we enjoy the benefits of what He has already given to us. In Him, we already have it all. We just don’t understand the reality of who we are or Who He is yet.

So, if Jesus says that His sheep know His voice, then we do know His voice. We discern it and hear it above the rest of the voices. That is true for us even if it doesn’t seem like it.

I suspect that the key to hearing His voice is to relax. None of the other voices tell us to relax and trust in Jesus. They all call us to activity and worry and stress. Instead, we are called to rest in Jesus.

This will seem too simple for anyone who is driven by fear and guilt, but I offer it to those who are free from guilt and have no reason to fear. All who are in Jesus. Relax. Trust that He will get His message to you. Listen to what He has already told you and believe Him. He loves you. You are forgiven. You will not be judged according to your performance. Your future hope is secure in Him. These are all things He has already said.

When a person who is not used to speaking in front of a group is confronted with a microphone, they will often say that they don’t need one. They believe they will speak clearly and loudly without it. I have to tell them that the microphone is not for them, but for their listeners. Some people have trouble hearing. It has nothing to do with your speaking, but with their hearing. They need the microphone.

You see, the burden of delivering a message is on the person who is speaking (or writing). If your message is important enough for you to deliver it, then you are tasked with delivering it in the best way in which it can be heard. You don’t whisper to your neighbors that their house is on fire. You shout. You make yourself obnoxious and insistent. If you want someone to know you love them, you can’t do it in a mean or uncaring way.

God wants you to hear Him. He wants you to follow His leading. And the burden of His message is on Him. We do not find listening easy. He will find ways to lead us and get His message through.

So, relax. Very often, I come to the Lord in prayer and confess my density. I ask Him to break through the distractions and the dullness of my mind so that I hear. Then I realize that even that is not really necessary. I yield my heart to Him and ask Him to move me to follow Him. I don’t have to understand, but I do want to follow. So, I ask Him to move me in the right path. Then, I trust Him.

As I was writing this post, for example, I suddenly lost it all. The post, which was almost finished, simply disappeared. No matter what I tried, I couldn’t get it back. I’ve used a computer for writing for 42 years. That happens rarely, but it does happen. When it does, I have tried to remember to thank Him and begin again. Maybe I wrote something I should not have. Maybe a different message was needed. Rather than complain and feel loss, I have usually been able to accept that as His leading.

Failure, interruption, distraction. All these uncomfortable things may be leading from the Lord. Trust Him. Let Him lead you. You don’t need words. You don’t need understanding and reason. You just need Him. And He is with you.

Lord, Speak to Me

A Word for Wednesday

Ask.

“You have not because you ask not.” That’s what Jesus said. If you want to hear His voice, to receive His leading, then ask.

Last week, a good question was asked: “What if I can’t hear His voice?” There are those times, right? In fact, there are a lot of those times.

My mom and I had an agreement that I would be home when she came to the end. She would tell me, and I would come. She did, and I did. I sat by her bed in the hospital barely knowing that she knew I was there. I could talk with her, but she didn’t answer. Until I told her I loved her. She said, and these were her last words to me, “I love you too.”

There is a difference between someone talking and someone hearing. There are times in our lives when we just can’t hear. We are barely hanging on. The distractions are too great. The emotions are too loud. The struggle is almost overwhelming. That “still, small voice” seems to be silent.

We want assurance. We want guidance. We want words of comfort. But sometimes all we get is silence. David understood. Even Jesus understood. That doesn’t mean the Lord has abandoned us or is ignoring us. It means we simply can’t hear right now.

So, ask Him to speak a word of love. It might be a thought, a word from a friend, a simple “coincidence,” or an outright miracle. But He will give you something. Something will break through, a tiny ray of light or a memory of music, something to let you know the Lord is with you in your struggle. He is not far away. He is with you.

When you ask, don’t demand the whole list of answers you want. Don’t expect some commendation for your hard work. Don’t expect detailed explanations for what you are going through. Chances are that you won’t be able to understand the information you receive anyway. You don’t need answers, you just need presence. Just listen for a small word of love. That will be enough. You will know that you are not alone.

The Lord is with you. That’s His promise. Accept any small whisper of love that gets through the craziness.

I have been with many people as they neared the end of their earthly lives. So often, just holding hands is all the communication of love they hear. They just want to know that they are not alone, that someone cares.

And, really, that’s all we need. Just to know that Jesus is with us. Just to know that we are not alone. A gentle squeeze on our hand, a whispered word of love, a glimpse of beauty. If we are willing to accept these things, we can know that He is with us.

The Master’s Voice

A Word for Wednesday

I want to hear my Master’s voice and listen only to Him.

I am confident that you would join me in that desire. We have been considering the various voices that speak into our hearts and minds. I don’t want to listen to the evil one. I don’t want to follow the world. I don’t want to be manipulated by the desires of my flesh. I just want to hear my Lord.

In times of confusion and uncertainty, in times like today, we need the assurance and comfort that come from knowing the Master’s voice. Let me suggest a few things that might help.

First, what has the Master said? His voice today will be consistent with His voice in the past. What He warns us against and desires for us will be the same as it has been. The world changes, and our flesh is not to be trusted, but the Lord remains the same. His concern for us is the same “yesterday, today, and tomorrow.” Knowing the truth of what He says about us is important. When He says that He loves us, that He has accepted us, that He welcomes us with joy into His presence, we can believe that. Nor do His feelings toward us change when we do something stupid or sinful.

So, ask yourself: Is this what Jesus has said before? Did His “everlasting love” stop? Is He still concerned about the effect of sin in our lives? Did He suddenly or even gradually change His mind?

Second, His voice is always one of love for His people. Always. Always. Yes, I know there are preachers who would challenge that. They suggest that sin will make Jesus stop loving us, that we might still be saved (maybe) but we better prepare for an angry scolding. They are wrong. They think that message is the only way to keep you from sin. They are wrong. No believer should ever be made to think they have been separated from the Lord’s love by their actions. It will be love that draws us back to Him.

You are the “apple of His eye.” You are the “pearl of great price.” You are His child, His beloved. That has not and will never change. You might suffer earthly consequences from your sin or the sin of others, but Jesus will be with you through it all. He will not let you go.

Finally, whenever the voices accuse or shame you, whenever they suggest something evil, ask yourself what kind of thinking that is. Someone used to talk about “stinkin’ thinkin.” Stinkin’ thinkin’ is when you call yourself names and belittle your value. Stinkin’ thinkin’ is when you dream about revenge or commiting sin. The voices lead to that kind of thinking. In that thinking, they can manipulate your heart.

Instead, affirm what you know the Savior thinks of you. Let His mind, His way of thinking, be yours. The future is always hopeful. The good is always in your day. Blessings abound for you. These are not just nice things to think; they are statements of truth. The Lord is always strong, always wise, and always good on your behalf. You can trust Him. And you can hear His voice when you allow His thoughts in your mind.

When the other voices tempt you to worry, remember the great love of God. Remember that Jesus loves your child, your grandchild, your spouse more than you do. Remember that His way is the good way. Remember that He walks with others on their paths just as He has walked with you.

It really isn’t that hard to hear the voice of the Master. We just need to look to Him and remember who He is. Every other voice will fade away.