Inferiority

It’s Narcissist Friday!

The narcissist made you feel inferior. Inferior to him/her, inferior to what you should be, inferior to the rest of the world. The only positive you were supposed to have in your life was the narcissist.

We have talked about this before. Narcissists often attach themselves to people who offer something better than the narcissists think they have in themselves. They will connect with people who can handle money, people who are popular or strong or smart, and people who will bring the image of the narcissist up. Because they normally feel inferior themselves, narcissists attach to people who enhance their image.

Then they proceed to take what they can from their victims and work to make them feel inferior. In other words, the narcissist uses superior people but cannot live with superior people. They have to downgrade the confidence of anyone they use.

So, now that narcissistic relationship is over. You are free. But you are left with so much damage. Part of the damage is this sense of inferiority.

Now, I would categorize that as emotional abuse, but the feelings don’t come just from the narcissist. Yes, you can still hear the criticisms and negatives in your heart. He/she probably still works to make you feel inferior when you have to get together. But there’s something more than that.

So many people are left with few resources after the relationship that they have to set aside the dreams and image they would like to fulfill. Maybe you have to rent an apartment because he/she got or sold the house. Maybe you have to work at a job you don’t really like because your job history has been almost erased by your time in the relationship. Maybe you struggle financially. Maybe you don’t have many people to talk with. Maybe you can barely keep up with the needs of your kids. And you feel bad because of all of this.

Remember that the narcissist operates with a “scorched earth” policy. If he can’t have you, no one can. If you can’t see the amazing blessing it has been to have him in your life, then you won’t see any blessings. So, yes, this is part of the plan, leaving you with little. And, yes, you are still supposed to feel inferior.

But that’s only the narcissist. You don’t have to feel inferior to the rest of the world. If your home is a mess or too small or run down, that is not your fault. Your job is a way to get back into the workplace, not an end in itself. Your car may not look great, but it gets you to work and meets your needs. You have survived. You are not inferior.

Needing and receiving help does not make you inferior either. Receiving help is not better than giving help, no matter what the world and your flesh tell you. We all need help sometimes. You are rebuilding, working hard. That’s a good thing. If you need to get a little help along the way, that’s fine.

The world is set up to judge us. By judging us, the world is trying to motivate us to be the same as everyone else. Our house should look just right. Our cars should look just right. Our job should be just right. Having less than just right is considered inferior. We should be up to the level of others. That feeling of not measuring up, of being inferior, is supposed to push us to do better.

But the world is not your judge, not any more than the narcissist was. There is only one Judge, and He loves you. He knows what you are going through. He knows how hard you try. He knows the fear and worry and emptiness you feel. And He is with you. He will never leave you.

You are not inferior. To Him, you are just right.