Home

It’s Narcissist Friday!

Nothing is the same after the tornado. Just as I write this, tornadoes have again destroyed whole communities. Houses, trees, stores, landmarks—all are gone. Nothing is the same.

In our world of debt and financial struggle, even those with generally positive separation settlements often find themselves without a home. The home they loved, in which they raised their children, around which they planted flowers and trees, has to be sold to divide the resources. And, frankly, that’s for some of the lucky ones. Some discover that the narcissist’s magic has given the home to the abuser. Or maybe they had to move far away to feel safe.

And nothing is the same. The school, the neighbors, the stores, maybe even the climate is different. It is unsettling.

Our local community has a couple of Facebook pages for general sharing. People ask questions, offer help and goods, and try to communicate. Very often I read requests from newly single parents who have relocated. They are often living in their car until they can find a place, any place.

It’s surprising, isn’t it, to realize how similar the end of a narcissistic relationship can be to the aftermath of a natural disaster? In so many ways, “disaster” seems to be a good description of what happened.

I have known families who have moved a lot. It isn’t uncommon today for families to move across the country, perhaps several times, in job changes or just for adventure. One common trait for these folks is their definition of “home.” Home is where they could be together.

That’s what you must believe. Home is anywhere you and your kids can sit down to laugh and pray and share. Home is a feeling, a refuge, rather than a particular building. That familiarity that you lost is not nearly as important as the feeling you get from enjoying each other.

Yes, I understand that families are often not so together after the end of the narcissistic relationship. Stress is high. Kids act out their anger and grief. Be patient and remember that you are survivors. Love will lead to healing.

And, yes, I understand that some don’t have families. You still had to move away to feel safe. You still lost your home and feel disoriented today. But part of rebuilding will be to become familiar with your new home. New friends, new opportunities, new adventures. These are challenges, but not bad things. Decorate your way. Sing your way. Be who you have wanted to be.

Remember that home here is only a glimpse of the home that is waiting for you as a believer. You will never find in an earthly home, house, or community what is promised in Heaven. So, even if you are alone, being present with Jesus is like being home. The support and love you find as you pray or walk with Him is the closest you will get to your real home today.

Home, they say, is where the heart is. Home is a feeling of acceptance and welcome and comfort. Trust that you can find that in Jesus. Trust that you can give that to your children. Let yourself receive that from family and friends who love you, even new friends.