Tapeworms, Fleas, and Ebola

It’s Narcissist Friday!     

 

A parasite is an organism that lives on or in a host and gets its food from or at the expense of its host.

– CDC definition

 

You work and struggle to gain ground in your life, only to find it slipping away time after time. You put away money, and it disappears. You eat well and exercise, but never feel healthy. You produce good stuff at work, but never get promoted. You smile and try to be positive, but you can’t seem to lift even your own spirit. Something is draining you. Something/someone is taking what you are working hard to produce. But the drain is subtle, hidden, a little at a time. It’s hard to pinpoint at first, but the effect you feel is very real.

After reading the amazing comments after the last post, I came to realize that there is a general theme in almost all of our dealings with narcissism. Obviously, the suggestions you shared reveal both pain and anger. (I gathered them and listed them below.) Frankly, as I look at the list, I am saddened. The emotions you see in that list are strong. They are natural responses to a PARASITE.

Imagine the disgust you would feel if you found you had a tapeworm. Or how dirty you would feel to find fleas. We loathe parasites. They make us feel unclean, used, diminished, and angry. We swat a mosquito that threatens to suck our blood. We avoid viruses and bacteria as much as we can. The thought of those little monsters eating away at us and reproducing inside us is revolting. Their very existence offends us.

Well, that was disturbing, wasn’t it? Just thinking about those things bothers us. We understand the angst someone has toward parasites. We understand the anger and nausea. And when we think of the narcissist unable to love, but sharing a bed, we are just as sickened. When we think of a person who cultivates relationships simply to use the gifts and kindness of others, we get angry.

The narcissistic relationship is parasitic. The narcissist uses you to build his/her life. All the praise and support and kindness in the beginning of the relationship had the simple purpose of getting the narcissist into your heart. You relaxed your normal barriers, even for a moment, and you were bitten, infected, and poisoned. It took some time for you to understand what happened, but eventually you could see the damage the parasite was doing. Getting out of the relationship required purging: harsh medicines, strict boundaries, and consistent support.

The process for getting rid of a tapeworm is disgusting. The process for getting rid of fleas is time-consuming and repetitive. The process for getting rid of an infectious virus like Ebola can be life-changing. So, we should expect to go through a challenge when we decide to separate from the narcissist. It isn’t easy, and it takes time. The little eggs of head lice are called “nits.” To get rid of the lice, you have to get rid of the nits—hence, the term “nit-picking.” You feel like you find evidence of the damage from the narcissist/parasite in every little thing. You want to tell everyone you meet so you can gather support, but you don’t want anyone to know because you are so disgusted.

And you blame yourself. But even that is the product of the narcissistic relationship. It is in the nature of parasites to seek hosts. Listen: they find you! Think about that for a minute—a full minute. They watched and waited and planned and manipulated and worked to get to you. The whole focus of the parasite’s life is to find a host. Yes, you might have played into their hands. You drank contaminated water. You touched an infected person. You went outside without spraying. Whatever. But don’t blame yourself! The narcissist/parasite would have found someone else if it wasn’t you. They have to have someone.

And there are those who seem quite willing to pass the parasites on to you. They sell contaminated food, give away infested clothing or bedding, produce diet pills with tapeworms. You feel betrayed, tricked…and angry. You had no idea what you were getting. They just didn’t care. You trusted, but you shouldn’t have. It isn’t your fault.

No, don’t let anyone tell you this was a “symbiotic” relationship. That’s not true. The only time a narcissistic relationship is symbiotic (where both use and both benefit) is when two narcissists attach to each other, which does happen. Even though you thought you were receiving something of benefit, at least early in the relationship, you learned that was a lie. The benefit didn’t turn out to benefit you at all. The parasite uses and gives nothing except more pain.

Many parasites continue with their hosts until the hosts die. Some know enough not to take so much from the host. A dead host offers little. But, of course, there’s always another. The point is that the parasite doesn’t care. There is no feeling for the host, no investment in the host’s well-being. Listen: the parasite doesn’t really see the host as another being. The host is simply a food source. The narcissist depersonalizes others, doesn’t see others as real people in the sense that he/she is real. Using others is easy for them, because others are objects for using.

That brings to mind another term we have used for narcissists, and you will see it on the list. Predator. A predator is just a more vicious and destructive parasite. He/she destroys the life of another to feed his/her own. The things we call parasites are generally slower, but often just as deadly as a predator. Most narcissists move slowly and carefully, at least those willing to connect by long-term relationships. Some may hit and run, but most act like parasites.

I like the idea of a parasitic relationship in explanation of narcissism. You will probably see it in my writing in the future. Narcissists use people, in any relationship. They might be smart enough to use without damaging the other, but most just use without regard to the loss the other suffers. When the relationship no longer provides the “supply” the narcissist desires, he/she simply moves to someone else. Just like other parasites.

You may find this to be helpful in explaining your narcissistic relationship to counselors, friends, or family. If you can show them how you are being used without receiving benefit, they may be as offended as you are. Of course, that’s hopeful thinking. At least the concept might help you understand what has been happening.

So here’s the list I gleaned from your comments. I think I got them all. I did not judge or clean up the list. All I did was give consistent punctuation, remove duplicates, and alphabetize. Read through the list and empathize with the feelings behind the words. You may even use this when you try to explain your situation to others. This is how people who have suffered from narcissistic relationships describe what they have known as narcissists and narcissism.

Abusive Bully

Acute Self-Absorption Syndrome

Acute Selfish Syndrome

Addict of Self

Aggressive Egoist

Betrayer

Blackheart

Bulls**t Generator

Bully

Chameleon

Chronically Self-Centred

Con Artist

Conscience-Less

Covert Aggressor

De mentors

Demonic spirit

Destroyer

Destructive

Devious

Devoid of Truth

Disempathic

Dr. Jekyl/Mr. Hyde

Emotional Hostage Takers

Emotional Predator

Emotional Terrorist

Emotional Vampires

Emotionally Deprived Individuals

Empathy-Impaired

Empty Vessel of Insolent Pride

Energy Vampires´ Or `Energy Suckers´

Engulfing

Entitled/Entitlement

Evil

Evil Personified

Fool

Hard Hearted

Heartless

Image Maker

Insolent Pride

Intrusive

Jezebel Spirit

Lord Voldemort

Luciferian

Master Manipulator

Murderer of The Soul

Nabal

Narcissistic BSMM (But So Much More)

Opportunistic Social Predator

Oppressor/Oppression

Parasite

Pathological

Plutonian

Predator

Pretender

Puppet Master

Queen of The World

Reprobate

Ruthless Personality Disorder

Self-Absorbed

Self-Focused

Sheep in Wolves Clothing

Sith

Snake

Social Predator

Soul Sucker

Soul-Murderer

Soul-Rapist

Spirit Killer

Suffocator

Targeting Emotional Vampires

Terminator

Terrorist

The Criminal

The Diminisher

The Monster in My Bed

Tiny Hitler

Toxic

Toxic Blamer

Toxic Poo

Turds

User

Violating

47 Comments

Filed under Narcissism

47 responses to “Tapeworms, Fleas, and Ebola

  1. Janice Kenney

    I am so impressed !! I needed to see this today 🙂 We need to spread the word for doctors lawyers the courts and politicians. They must be punished. I was taken for 65 grand !! I punish myself everyday.

  2. Annette

    This parasitic relationship seems to be acknowledged by the professionals. My psychology professor in college told us that some relationships are like a dog and a flea. Even worse, some relationships are like two fleas and no dog.

    “If you can show them how you are being used without receiving benefit, they may be as offended as you are.” Not sure. Church folks might call you selfish for expecting any benefits at all and tell you you should be self-sacrificing.

    • Tara E Mclaughlin

      I am an identical twin and a born again Christian. My twin is not a saved person. I believe the Spirit of God is showing me that I am the host to a narcissistic twin. I need help and am reaching out to see if I can get help through these resources.Thank you for responding in advance.

  3. Karen

    Imposter!!

    Nanx9

    >

  4. Pamela

    Pastor Dave – Thank you so much for your insight, your encouragement and support. You nailed it! Parasite. Wow….just wow. I am in awe and disgusted at the same time when I think about this truth. You speak truth. This will help me to explain to those that actually are interested in understanding.

    For me, having definitions helps when grappling with the monster of emotions and pain and complications of my whole 25 year “encounter”. While I know those who have never experienced this will never truly “get it”, but maybe, just maybe, a tiny ray of reckoning will alight upon them. One only can hope.

    Meanwhile, reading, getting support (a lot of support!), and being grateful for all the many blessings I have been given does carry me daily. God has weaved so many good things into my life, I just have to stop to see and remember and know I am Loved by the Great I Am. He has found me worthy and lovable and holds me up to my highest and greater good.

    It feels so GOOD to move past those early excruciatingly painful months (years). For those in early stages, I just can say – hold on to God’s truth. You will survive this – tho it seems like you won’t. You will. You are far stronger than you know. You are a survivor. You have just been thru a long terrifying battle of the utmost evil. You will laugh and sing and feel joy again. Be kind to yourself. Take the time to heal. Above all, love yourself. You deserve it! God Bless you.

    • Arline Robertson

      You could not have put this any better. I like you went thru something so unexplainable. It felt as though my soul was leaving me. Draining my insides with doubts of who I was anymore if I was at all. I left after 7 yrs. Went from Texas to Virginia with my dog who was as abused as I. Wasn’t sure if I would get lost but I knew the Lord would be there . My daughter had called in September and said mom God had a calling on me and I want you to come here I’m not changing my mind so you need to pray about it . She didn’t really know everything that was going on . It was God and he told me I needed to leave. She paid my moving and made sure I had money for motels and I felt this ergency to leave and not look back. I knew he was capable of hurting me but he didn’t because my lord had his hand on me .

  5. Jodianne

    This post is very poignant on an extremely personal level. Not just symbolic to me.

    My last years with my ex I battled Lymes. I ended up with chronic Lymes that I will now contend with the rest of my life. I am constantly on the look out of being blindsided by another attack, for just as the narcissist feeds, so does Lymes, striking you when you are at your weakest in the most vulnerable place and time.

  6. Many of those who have Narcissistic Personality Disorder also have Anti-Social Personality Disorder (under which Sociopathy and Psychopathy fall.) These disorders bring Narcissism to a new level – that of criminal behavior – in addition to the horrible behavior already shown by Narcissists, with a complete lack of conscience and no remorse for the path of destruction. Satan has them under his control, which must be why they hate those who expose them so much. Evil abhors goodness.

  7. Penny

    Wow. Yes. Once again, thank you, Ps. Dave.

    I was struck by the reference to ebola. Many of us remember well the 2015 ebola crisis, and the difficulty in containing it. If you’ve been to a doctor or health care facility, they still ask if you have travelled to any areas known to have been infected.

    The reason of this is b/c the ebola virus remains infectious even after death.
    Many of the small villages affected by the crisis had cultural traditions about burial that actually spread the disease. One article called ebola “a viral bomb”:
    “Scientists have known for some time that the closer a person with Ebola is to death, the more infectious they are. A dead body with Ebola has been frequently referred to as a “viral bomb.” But what was unclear was how long bodies remained infectious. Now, researchers working for the National Institutes of Health in Hamilton, Montana released new findings on Thursday showing the Ebola virus may remain infectious in dead bodies for a week, and detectable for 10 weeks.”
    http://time.com/3708994/ebola-bodies-infectious/

    This provides yet another metaphor for how narcissism continues to affect lives even after the narc has died! Even the process of death seems to cause more poison as the narc/parasite sucks everyone dry in various ways, whether it becoming more demanding, more insulting, more intrusive or by changing wills, trusts, and causing division & bitterness among their “heirs”.

    Yikes. There is a lesson in here for all of us. Narcissism is the parasite that keeps on infecting, even after death.

    The best thing to do is stay away. Or “wear gloves”! Protect yourself.

    Selah~

  8. Sunflower

    I used to think, “He would dance on my grave” and then I would feel guilty for thinking that. That was many years ago when I had no information. Now I know it’s true. Still, even 20 years after leaving.

  9. Karen

    Thankyou Pastor Dave for this. Parasite is such a perfect description. I cried this morning as I Read your post. There is such great comfort in truly having someone explain and support and affirm what one goes through having to deal with this kind of person. Gives me strength to keep going and recognize that it takes time to rid yourself of a parasite.

  10. Steadfast

    Human Impersonator

    Dead Eye

    Hungry Ghost

    Gaping Maw

    Heart of Dearkness

  11. Georgette

    WOW Paster Dave you nailed it once again! I was wandering if you could elaborate on this statement:The only time a narcissistic relationship is symbiotic (where both use and both benefit) is when two narcissists attach to each other, which does happen.

    My ex-narcissistic’s fourth wife is condescending, demanding, risky sexual behaviors, married him for a better life. He paid for her divorce, bought her a newer car, got her out of a run down trailer and into a decent rental house. She has claimed bankruptcy twice in 16 years.

    He is and has been a born addict for 43 yrs and counting, master manipulator, liar, deceiver, sex addict, his way or the high way, disassociate when he doesn’t get his way and you have to give him sex to get him to talk again. Doesn’t communicate unless he is ticked about something. Money issues, it is his money and no woman is going to tell him how to spend his money.

    Explain how these two people can be happy? What are they benefiting from each other? Okay she thinks she is getting a better life and he is getting sex…I can’t rap my brain around this can you Paster Dave help explain this better?

    • Penny

      Georgette: I am neither a pastor nor a counsellor, but I will offer this from a friend of mine who is a “professional interventionist”. He told me 2 things I have never forgotten:
      1.) The addict does not see their addiction as “the problem”, but rather, as “the solution”. It matters not what the addiction is–sex, drugs, gambling, shopping, sports, attention…whatever it is, it is the ‘answer’, not the problem. Narcs “drug of choice” is usually attention, positive or negative; narcs crave attention, which is why they use people.

      2.) Never try to “get into the addict’s head”; trying to “understand” how they think, why they do what they do, it’s an exercise in crazy-making futility!

      We have all been there: trying to wrap our own heads around self-destructive behavior. It cannot be fully explained, and much like “wrestling with a pig”: you both get dirty, and the pig enjoys it.

      Hope that helps a little…..

      • Georgette

        Penny: I like the analogy. Thank you, yeah, I think you are correct regarding it being an exercise in crazy-making futility to try to get in their heads. Thanks again.

    • This is a great topic, probably worthy of a post sometime. Narcissists are rarely happy. They enjoy their victories, but they are very quick to see some flaw or offense in you even when they win. So I doubt that two Ns together are happy. Instead, they feed on each other. You may have nailed it: “she thinks she is getting a better life and he is getting sex”. Sounds like the “sugar daddy” relationship to me. They use each other, but want different things. Eventually, they will want those things without “paying” for them, and that’s when it will hit the fan. When each realizes that he/she is not getting fulfillment because of the loyalty or submission or adoration of the other, but as part of a bargain, that’s when it can get ugly.

      There is almost certainly no expectation of a long-term relationship in this. I would guess neither of them think like that. In fact, many of these guys come back to their exes when things begin to sour. Watch yourself.

      • Georgette

        When we had issues he went to his third wife which confused me since she was ‘crazy and can’t be trusted’! Thank you Pastor Dave. Thank you for blessing each of us with this blog.

        I just want to take time to thank Pastor Dave and those of you who have blessed me with your words of encouragement and support. Words can’t say enough how much I’m blessed right now…thank you….thank you…thank you. God Bless each and everyone of you on this blog.

  12. Irene

    Do you think having such a sneaky, using person as a husband is reason to divorce or !eave? If he can always say he never beat you then what? He has taken 30 years of my !ife with no effort toward relationship and my dignity along with it.

  13. Georgette

    sorry that is a porn addict not born addict!

  14. Pastor Dave, I am struggling to get clarity with the narcissist who operates a business that you employ to do a job then their poor work becomes your problem. The poor workmanship is largely out of my control & it is their lack of professionalism which is the cause. (I did visit with the senior managers to correct the problems as soon as they started, & communicated regularly with the hope they would take responsibility & act) How can I get an understanding of how that relationship happened? They didn’t “find” me, I approached them assuming they were professionals.

    • Some narcissists/users advertise their services. They “find” you by attracting you to themselves. You think you chose them, but you were still manipulated, just in a way that seems acceptable. All advertising is an attempt to get something from someone else. The fact that you have to give something to get what you want makes the N chafe, but in business that is understood. It does explain why some give such poor service and expect such high payment for it.

      BTW, I think going through those in authority over this person is the right route. Hold the bosses accountable for the work this person did. If that doesn’t work, we do live in a competitive day. Honest and strongly negative reviews do get attention. Lay out your case simply and concisely so that people who read see how you were cheated. You might receive quick follow up service. Just be sure you protect yourself. Have someone with you when the workers come over and don’t give a lot of personal information online.

  15. Gratefully Yours

    “Parasite” -perfect. One word you can feel to explain your experience. Thank you, Pastor Dave!

  16. So many fit him, and he’s too deceived to accept the truth except where it will get him the new woman he wants- who knows he was abusive and adulterous. How hard it was for me to accept that the man who told me he loved me for 40 years may never have done anything but try to control me.

  17. Georgette

    Okay, this has nothing to do with the post, but I need support. I got on Facebook and saw the ex-N has finally got on Facebook. He never wanted to get on Facebook b/c he was afraid that someone from his past would haunt him on Facebook. Yes, he got an opportunity to support his recovery ministry on Facebook, which just makes me want to puke. I was good and refrained from posting squat! It hurts me as to his manipulation tactics for the leaders of the church! He is still an N. I don’t know if it is because of Christmas and New Years but I just hurt. I hurt b/c of what the N is doing to the leaders of the church and they just enable his bad behavior. Makes me feel like maybe I’m the bad person here. I hurt b/c I had to leave my church family because he was manipulating me and playing us (fourth wife) both. I miss my church family so much. Ran into one of the leaders and she acted like the reason why I left was because “we worked you to hard didn’t we?” My response: “that has nothing to do with it!” I had served in the church for 15 years before I left. I enjoyed serving. We gave each other a hug but it still hurts that she refuses to see the reality. She is the one that said in the name of the ministry this conversation did not happen. How long does it take to heal from the N’s wounds and loss of friendships? I got rid of the winter coat he got me and bought a new one! I felt so liberated and free. Now I’m struggling again. It is going on two years.

  18. Georgette

    I just read: Why Doesn’t God Change the Narcissist’s Heart? It is up to God to handle the N. It is not up to me to tell God what he needs to do b/c he is God and he has a plan for us all! I just need to believe he hears my cries and knows my pain and move on……sorry about the melt down.

    • Georgette, Don’t apologize for the melt down. I’ve had so many of those over the years. I feel a little more settled now only because as I patiently waited; God has slowly exposed the true colours of the man I married, my adult children, siblings and many so-called friends. I needed their characters to be exposed so that it wasn’t just me voicing the truth of what was really going on behind closed doors. (a marriage of 38 yrs; 40 yrs because he insisted we live together against my will)
      Yesterday someone was curious about where I was at? I shared that after attempting a legal separation which fell through; I have acknowledged that the Lord is desiring more patience. I have been too emotionally and physically exhausted and He knows I need more time even if He should move me out of this house. So, I continue to ‘talk/pray’ with a very faithful Lord. I have re-entered the workforce which has me somewhat sad because I so desired to get back into my sewing and knitting. God has other plans. So I study/listen to God’s Word via the internet since I can’t trust any of the local churches in my small community and I find myself at peace about hopefully offering encouragement to other hurting souls.
      Praying for you, Georgette and wish I were closer to pray and be a friend to you. ((hugs)) ❤

      • Cat

        We all have meltdowns sometimes, when we have a realisation about the narcissist. It’s a kind of catharsis and also, I think, a sign of PTSD, because we are fully confronted with the existence of a trigger.

      • Georgette

        Cat: is that what it is? I’m just in a state of shock. Facebook is a great place to hide who you really are b/c you can be as religious as you can and no one knows any better. When do you ever get over the shock of the N’s tactics to where you can laugh?!! I guess b/c he is lying,deceiving and manipulating the people I care about it just floors me! I am a rescuer and a I want to save people from themselves which I need to stop and am working on this.

  19. Georgette

    healinginhim: I wish you were here also. Thank you

  20. JD

    I am of the mind that Gacebook is a playground for psychopaths, and surely for narcissists. I quit almost a year ago and am much better off.

    • JD

      Facebook…sorry.

      • Georgette

        JD: I believe you. Facebook is perfect for narcissists. They can ‘heal’ people and get their egos stroked like no tomorrow! Someone is always going to feel sorry for him or her, or tell them how great they are. I deactivated Facebook account. I just now need to stay off of it! Lately I am praying Jesus to keep me strong to keep me away from Facebook permanently!

  21. JD

    It isn’t easy at first. But the folks that are your real friends keep in touch by other means, and you should as well. I kept telling myself it is not any better than a local pub with drunken patrons, and actually much worse. Facebook is not a healthy or honest social forum for me. Safety is a serious issue as well, particularly if you have been victimized by a narcissist.

    Stay strong! You can do if. And as time goes on you will realize what an incredible waste of time and energy it was.

  22. guardyourheart

    very interesting discussion about social media above its definitely a tool that empowers the narcissism. i have blocked the abusive narcs emails and social media and everything and helped my friends do it also but the only way left for them is to send a text message and he has figured my friends number and been sending them messages. I’ve spoken to the police and they took a statement from me and advised me that this is called ‘malicious communication’ and his previous behaviour as domestic abuse and offered to press charged but i told them to wait to see if it happens again, it now happened again the abusive narc is asking my friendly why we don’t come and visit him for holidays. After all the abuse and threats and cheating and lying and smear campaigns he now pretends nothing happened and demanding we visit him…. it doesn’t make any sense. just want him not to contact me and any of my friends. has anyone got experience dealing with police and what the likely reaction is going to be from the destructive narc ?

  23. Georgette

    WOW, I did not realize how destructive the narcissist could be with Facebook! Majority of my friends are from this church we both attended and I can see him having a hay day devaluing me again through Facebook! After all as they say, as the narc gets older the worse the narcissism is. His main focus right now I believe is to further destroy the healing ministry. The church is getting a new minister in a couple of weeks and the N needs to look righteous. He is using Facebook to promote the ministry. He has two of the leaders as friends so when the new pastor starts he can be impressed about his efforts and continue to lie, deceive and manipulate the wounded souls that talk to him through Facebook. I see his tactics but others don’t, they think he is part of the sheep! Two of the leaders will back him up b/c they don’t want anything to happen to this ministry. This just sickens me. I know that God sees this and knows his devious plan and in his own time will expose the wolf. I keep telling myself “thy will be done” not my will but his will be done! I just pray for protection for the new minister and his family from this jezebel spirit. This church is under spiritual warfare and they refuse to see it! I just shake my head and keep saying: UNBELIVEABLE! The jezebel spirit that is in this narc will go to great lengths to destroy this church b/c his time on this earth is ending soon and he wants to take as many sheeps as he can to the slaughter. They have been warned about this jezebel spirit and refuse to listen all in the name of a recovery ministry! UNBELIEVEABLE! I just ask prayers for me to control my anger so that I don’t do anything stupid like go all off on him on Facebook! I know that would be detrimental to me. The jezebel spirit wants to destroy me through him. I just have to continue to stay close to Jesus and trust Jesus through this. UNBELIEVEABLE! UNBELIEVEABLE! UNBELIEVEABLE! Pastor Dave why? Why? How? How? I know that God has a plan and he sees the full parade and I see the float. I just want to know why is he allowing this to happen?

  24. JD

    If your narc joined Facebook. To torment you, the best revenge is to walk away, giving him no fuel. By example you may influence others. Let your main concern before yourself right now. If you try to expose the narc, you will probably implicate yourself as the unstable one, giving the narc more fuel. In order to give peace to others, you must find it fir yourself first. You won’t find peace on Facebook. I am so close to saying Facebook in and of itself is evil that I caution you and everyone else. But it sounds crazy and no one takes crazy seriously. All I know for sure is that it is not harmless. What I suspect is the Devil’s playground. Don’t go back.

    • Georgette

      JD: I have deactivated my Facebook and am in prayer constantly to not be tempted to get on it ever again! You are 100% correct regarding:f you try to expose the narc, you will probably implicate yourself as the unstable one, giving the narc more fuel.

      • guardyourheart

        yes great posts this is what the destructive abusive narc does when they fear being exposed, i feel some times its best to go quietly and very quietly because otherwise and speaking from experience he/she will call you names, project horrendous abuse and insults and accusations, show no empathy, say that you are weak and that you are coming up with something in your crazy mind and that he is the only one with the truth but when you ask them to explain they will say ‘they don’t want to go into it’ they will then try and contact all your friends and people you know telling them that you are the unstable one for exposing them and make up nonsense about you. i have an uncle who was so scared of being exposed he would sit outside my house and waited for me to go out so he can go and tell others ‘the truth’ about me i couldn’t believe it until this happened repeatedly and he even told a lady i was trying to date that i needed ‘help’ and was ‘unstable’ and was ‘using’ him when he invited me over as a 15 year old to spend some time with them. You can never be good enough for them they will accuse and project and even if you do something good they will accuse you like eating healthy they will say you eat too many vegetables and eat all their vegetables and if you don’t they they will tell you to eat more vegetables…its nonsense and nonsense.,cant make sense out of nonsense.

        Now they pretend nothing happened and ask me why i am not coming to see them for the holidays because they think other people are their slaves and their property he even calls me his ”personal butter” its all about them and making themselves look good its a charade and a circus. they behave like others have no choice but to obey what they dictate. they don’t want to be exposed and might become a lot more destructive if they feel you are exposing them because its all a just s circus and not much behind it all they risk losing it all.

  25. Annette

    “…, the suggestions you shared reveal both pain and anger. … The emotions you see in that list are strong. They are natural responses to a PARASITE.” Thank you, Pastor Orrison, for accepting such emotions as natural responses. The usual response I get from church folks is that such emotions are sinful.

  26. Georgette

    Annette: Those church folks have no clue. Those emotions are normal! It is a process towards healing and we need to get them out in order to heal! We blurt out our pain to God and ask him to heal that pain so we can move on to the next phase of the abuse from the N. When we hold our pain and anger in and it eats at us and becomes bitterness and causes us to sin then it is sin.

  27. Cat

    That pretending nothing had happened was something my ex did as well. It was very disconcerting. I’ve seen him do it to his kids – say the nastiest things, kick them out of the house, and then after not speaking for whatever period, it’s like the negative thing never happened and he’s all “Hey, why haven’t I heard from you?” after saying the vilest things to them.

    • Gratefully Yours

      Thank you, Cat, for highlighting “pretending nothing had happened”. I’m so use to this as the narcissist norm it hadn’t occurred to me that this is another aspect I live with. Perhaps their response shows the depth of how disconnected they are from the bad that happened? This practice deeply divides a relationship as you don’t get the opportunity to deal with reality since “nothing happened”. Thank you for bringing this out.

      I also appreciate “GuardYourHearts” pointing out how a narcissists own rules change to fit the present scenario. Ain’t that the truth!

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