It’s Narcissist Friday!
If I missed writing on two successive Fridays, would I be neglecting the narcissists? Well, I decided I couldn’t risk it. After all, who knows what might happen.
Actually, my thoughts today are more purposeful than neglect. How about ignoring the narcissist? Did you realize that one of the more effective techniques for gaining some ground with your narcissist is to ignore him? To be marginalized is one of the narcissist’s primary fears.
Not everyone can do this, of course. It does take considerable strength. I am not talking about the “silent treatment.” That’s her technique. No, what I mean is simply not treating him or her as the center of your life. Make a decision about something and do it without asking, without even taking him into consideration. Don’t confess it. Don’t rationalize it to him. Begin to think of the narcissist as only a part of your life, rather than your whole life.
Be careful. You know what reaction you will get. It may not be worthwhile if your narcissist is violent or will exact too high a punishment for you. Don’t put yourself or others in danger. Just put him in his proper place as you think of your life.
Narcissists cannot stand to be ignored. At home, at work, at church—wherever. They believe that if they are the center they are in control. When things happen outside their knowledge, they can’t be in control. If they can’t be in control, things could happen that might affect them negatively. If you can learn to feed attention and influence to your narcissist, you have a way of controlling him.
Obviously, as I write this, I am thinking that every situation is different and I am afraid that someone will use this technique and may suffer for it. So pray and think about this. Is there some little area of your life that you could take back? You may find it helpful to talk this over with a counselor or a wise friend. Ignoring a narcissist can be a very powerful tool in your limited toolbox.